The Terrible Writings of Quentin Montejo
Serial experiments on a fallen archangel who only wanted to regain just one wing back
Free of the World. Rain worshipper. Hermit. Tormented mind. Caged spirit. Defiant and eternal enemy of Destiny and Fate. Poet. Scientist. Artist. Daydreamer. He who laughs. Slacker. Sleeper. Romancer of wings and clouds. Fiercely independent. He who is ponderous. Games and anime junkie. Four eyes. Caveman. Nature-lover. He who doesn't think that hard. Non-smoker. Music-junkie. Counter of blessings. Guitar-hugger. He who simply wants what everybody else would like to be in this world and the next -- to be happy.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Yay, Talking Cats
I'm a cat person, but I love pooches just as much (or perhaps just about any animal there is, hehe). Watch this clip, it's hilarious XD
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
The Music of Life
I've got my alcohol fix right now.
Okay you heard me. I'm typing this while drunk. How so you ask? Side bar is just beside our building so any drinking spree done there would mean it's just a minute walk to this workstation.
So, what of it then?
My beloved batchmate is getting married! It's a beautiful reminder that the world is still revolving and I love seeing things like this happening. That is beside the fact that the lucky couple are two of my good friends :)
Man, days and years pass me by without noticing, and suddenly things like this are happening.
So, to me, in my gladdest of moments, cheers to the lucky couple. The pictures on my cellphone are kinda dark though, so no illustrations then.
And now, I will rest my intoxicated head on the workstation for an hour. Ughhhh ... can't they invent headache-free alcohol? I just downed mixed drinks =_=
Of Pinoy Names
As all of the populace of this country knows, we have truly non-Spanish names. My real name however, is composed of a Latin first name, a Spanish surname, and a true-blue Pinoy middle name.
And as we all know, names still have a definite meaning. I could look up what my Latin and Spanish names mean, but my middle name is a mystery.
While I was looking for a name for my proposed character in the new RAN server, I decided to look for an obscure Pinoy sounding name (to coincide with the name of the server, which will be in Filipino).
What I came upon is this link. Check it out. Oh, I looked at some of your surnames people, not all of them have meanings yet :(
I was surprised what my middle name meant. Not only that, but is of Ilocano origin. Cool eh? So now ladies and gentlemen, HERE is the full translation of my whole name:
Free man for the town of the world
It almost makes sense, doesn't it? It almost tells what sort of person I am :)
One other thing quirky about that website is that it says some surnames are in Tagalog, and yet I couldn't recognize the meaning of the noun and/or verb. Take Lumungsub for example, it's pretty obscure isn't it? Yet it was labeled as Tagalog. It means 'to advance'. It does come pretty close to 'lusob', but still it has a variation that makes it unreadable.
By the way, I thought Mapua is Spanish or something. As it turns out, it's Chinese meaning horse wave. Beat that.
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
I'm mildly sick since Monday (ugh).
One cause is I abused sweets (chocolates from a colleague), and surprisingly, I felt I have eaten to much dried mangoes. I know it's just fructose, but it is still sugar.
Besiiides the fact that I sleep at usually 3 am in the morning. As to why that is, I better not divulge for the safety of my happy life. But if you can guess it, it wouldn't be a surprise *tee hee*. Marge even caught me one time (busted!).
I hafta change sleep hours though because it'll make my body weak. Plus my plan for an exercise regimen would never come to fruition. Let's see what Friday will give me since the new RAN server will be up.
Should I switch to the new server? Hmm, much pondering has to be done.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Some Musings on Dr. House (Season 2!)
Watched almost the whole of season two of Dr. House last weekend (whoa boy, what a marathon) and that series doesn't fail to give me reaffirmation of the stuff I think about.
"You can't control emotions, only your actions." - Dr. Cameron
You see, the series is more than just about medical mysteries being solved by a mad/brilliant doctor (Dr. House). Because if it ain't it'll just be another CSI, only, the subject at hand is still alive (or half-alive).
It does get a monotonous pattern, I mean what other variation can you have from a sick person getting well? There's only enough diseases, and patients either live or die. That's when personal intrigue gets in. It has enough hilarious scenes with Dr. House being his sarcastic, manipulative self, riling his subordinates, spreading misery to his boss Dr. Cuddy and his best friend Dr. Wilson. Add the twisted love affair with his ex girlfriend Stacy Warner (I think she's the most attractive, mature woman I've ever seen in any TV series) and well, you have a room of hooked people stuck to the television.
I lament the fact that watching it made me lose play time with my character in RAN Online for a whole weekend (which is like, rare). But it's a welcome change anyway. Besides, a new server is coming up on the first of September.
Sincerely speaking, I wouldn't grow old (and miserable) like Gregory House. I'm just too much of an optimist to be so, too carefree to be acutely analytical about bugging anomalies. I won't pine for a lost cause for five years and then after getting it, would just tell it to go away. Even if it was the best/worst thing that ever happened to me.
Friday, August 25, 2006
A Grim Realization
I've realized that this blog has been the one of the few means for me to reach out the world.
I start out my day going here, and then just click on my links until I end up on some site that bores me to death or is tainted with melodramatic er, drama. Haven't gone out for quite a while, and I've been skipping on what-could-have-been fun MtG duels. Heck, I think it's been months since alcohol passed my throat (not that I'm looking for it, mind you).
Yeah I'm a loner, going about places in my own time and pace. I somehow detest having the idea that people are waiting for me, or be annoyed that I have to wait for other people.
A little quirk of mine is that I am xenophobic, yet I can talk to just about anyone and almost always strike something funny while conversing. After too long of a conversation though, I yearn for silence. My jaw muscles ain't that fit for a vocal marathon, so I need to excuse myself when that happens.
Which brings me to another thought.
Everyone has that getting-to-know each other phase right? Could be with new friends, or dates, or what not. It's always exciting to learn something new from someone you just met. It's like building up a piece of a puzzle curious as to what it would end up like.
But after a while, there will be a phase of ... silence.
It can be because you've already had that equilibrium of sorts. I have no further opinions on that, but what makes me wonder sometimes is when this phase of silence means indifference.
Sort of like "Oh it's you. Ah, it's just you".
*listens to Over My Head by The Fray*
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Something New, Something New
- I signed up for deviant art, but what to put there will be another matter altogether XD
- Just signed up for a new bank account at UPCB, getting ready for my retirement
- EaterOfEyes just picked up a Protection Potion last night, and applied it to his Dynamic Drifter Gloves [C]. Also cut my ties from TenSwords and joined LegendsII gang.
Something to do:
- get a new string for Grace
- transition my work *blech*
- time to do some shopping (oh no!) need to improve fashion in that wardrobe (what? I'm concerned about fashion now? Good heavens!)
- eat better
- get my personal stuff from the office. It includes a diary and some memorabilia
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Oh, one reason I feel gloomy is that one of Grace's strings gave way. When I pulled her from her case, it's just all twirly and stuff.
Probably an omen of doom.
On another note, I might decide to take violin lessons. If it pushes through, I think I'll name my violin, Leigh.
I think it's a pretty name. Okay, subliminally, it's because the people I encounter with names resembling it usually are beautiful people. Leigh Nash for one ^_^
Didn't Start the Week Right
I feel sort of gloomy.
Three reasons that I best speak while my head is dunk underwater >_< Ang hirap talagang maging ako.
Hay. There goes all my plans. I wouldn't want to mess with a good thing going so, again, I move on.
On the other hand, EaterOfEyes is level 108 and has learned Explosive Strike! :) One thing to be happy about anyway.
I predict that it might take at least two weeks to reach 117 and get Thunder Strike. When that time comes, it'll be necessary to get myself an Oblivion Potion A and reset my skill points.
As for my gang named TenSwords (named after Shishio's Juppon Gatana in Rurouni Kenshin), it is slowly disintegrating. This is my second gang after I left SACREDFURY. If this continues, I might have to withdraw and join San Luen or some other gang that would take me in.
Oh yeah, another good news about Eater (that's what the ingame people call me for short), is that I was able to regain my wealth after the x3 event last night. My Solar Sword is back to [+5] and I prefer to let it stay that way for now. What will keep me busy is to get Protection Potions for my armor while I wait for the quest that will give me Drifter [B] armors.
In the meantime, the job of a monster lurer will still be tough.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Random Thoughts: I Have Nothing in my Mind, Yet I Blog
Funny how I'll start with nothing and then end up saying something.
I'm looking at a bag full of Magic: The Gathering cards.
My deck is a discarder/weenie deck. All cheap stuff. Even if I had the money, I hesitate when a card is priced more than Php 100. Because hey, that's equivalent to a full meal.
Darn, I need to accomplish running this stored procedure and test web services POC. I know SQLs, but knowing how to use stored procedures in Oracle 9.2 and doing it in SQL Navigator 4.4 ain't exactly a walk in the park.
Two weeks to go before I leave.
I want to play RAN. Can I reach level 117 next week? Probably not.
Made the first move. Let's see if it gets noticed.
I'm sleepy =_=
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Longing Thoughts: The Travels
I was staring at the sunset/guitar picture on some posts below and I felt a longing.
It felt like the picture is still alive to me. As if it'll damage my eyes if I look at the sun long enough ...
When I went to Boracay I was out to squeeze out all the fun I could muster, take in the scents and sounds, and breathe the lights and sights through my eyes.
When I went to Palawan I was out to take on something new and have never seen before. I was not disappointed.
When I went to Sagada I was out to rediscover serenity that can only be brought about by untainted air and a placid mind.
When I went to Cebu I was out to dare an adventure I have never dreamed of doing, and experience being with beautiful people (in heart, hehe).
In each of them, I wanted to look at the stars on a clear night sky, let it remind me that I am here, I am now, I am a part of a big thing I can never comprehend. And that all my troubles are really just a teeny-tiny thing, almost insignificant, to a universe that is here before I was born and will still be here long after I'm gone.
I wanted to show this world one big spark, a shout that I was here, I lived, I existed, and that I am part of the flaming cinders of a spectacular firework.
The world is good. Yeah, I want to repeatedly remind myself of that through sunsets and beer and the over all feeling of being alive.
(btw, the pic and concept was taken by Luther Van Floss so as to give credit to whom it is due)
Might be planning another Palawan trip later this year! Stay tuned!
One Creepy Night at the Society Center, Sacred Gate Campus
There I was hunting for burrs for my sword, not minding the lowbies running around (and being skewered by Brute Punks if they're being careless), until this kid spoke to me:
Kid: (probably seeing I was high level)
"Helo, puede pa kita maging kuya?"
Me: "Ha? A e, para saan?"
(what a really queer request)
Kid: "La, lang"
Me: (continues bashing baddies around)
Kid: "Kase, namatay na ang kuya ko e"
(now that sent a few shivers down my spine)
(some moments of silence)
Kid: "Mahilig din kase siyang maglaro ng RAN"
(kiddo, I sincerely wish you don't have any complex going)
Kid: "Patulong naman, kuya ko"
Me: "Uh, sure"
(yaiks, now when did I agree being anything to you? o_o)
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Sad Thoughts: Follow into the Dark
I ruined my Solar Sword T_T
Last night as I was giddy (and maybe stoned) from not having to level up in anway (heck, 5% experience in 8 hours?) I tried applying a Fine Burr on my sword -- and all the pluses went away T_T
So now, EaterOfEyes is broke, weak, and not tough enough for the Wharf Passage. My coffers are all emptied, and the only thing left are three level 107 scrolls I couldn't use and couldn't sell.
What I can achieve however, is get to 107 before the week ends. Hopefully.
Looks like it's time to close another door.
At least I've learned when not to linger anymore. Which is a good thing. I've learned what to do when there simply is no room for me, or after giving allowances, when it is being unfair on my part. I could be hasty, but let me be free to cross out the possibilities. Besides, I've given enough.
Ofcourse there is no one to blame. Everything is either by choice or by circumstance. If it's a choice, then it's really not my position to change it otherwise -- I will respect it. If it's by circumstance, then it's something no one can really change. So before the bomb drops, I find it prudent to scuttle away from ground zero and spare myself while it's early (and mayhaps avoid the nuclear fallout).
Now I pick up my things, wrap them up in a blanket, then I'm off again ...
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Stream of Random Thoughts: I Don't Hate Mondays
Unlike the rest of the working human population, I don't detest Mondays.
(it's just that it's very convenient to be absent from office on that day XD)
To some, it heralds the beginning of work, another grueling week of hectic schedules, pretensions (to *cough* some), and just about any reason you could think of on what to do during week days.
I dunno, I just don't hate it. I don't mind my rest days ending, it can get boring at times to be always relaxing (huh?). My weekends are always good days to be somewhere or just to be at home. In fact, I always have a full day everyday which I can say is a good thing.
No, I don't plan much about more than a week ahead. I don't fuss too much about it, because well, I tend to worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes. Except on a few things.
Oh wait, make that one thing :<
In other news, these days it seems I'm out to kill my tonsils.
Chocolates, Donuts Gonuts, some bread of the sugary variety, even ol' manang's turon.
Each bite is making me feel my tonsils want to mutate and start talking by itself o_O woo
Yes, I have weak tonsils, always getting afflicted by tonsillitis when I take in too much sugar-rich foods (hence, my avoidance of candies and breath mints).
Yet here I am munching on the much-loved turon (simple, but always delectable with that saging na saba) contemplating as to why I have to deal with mighty idiots (as to who am I referring to, I will not divulge for fear of incrimination).
Hurray for tonsils!!
Friday, August 11, 2006
He looks at all the lit up computer workstations on the floor, but only a handful of people are still present on a Friday night.
This place always felt like home to him, he thought. Eight years of blood, sweat, and tears. From the most blissful days of a promising development project, to the most soul-crushing experiences on bad superiors and nasty deadlines.
He've seen it all but ... he can't remember any feeling or sentimentality. The only thing left are scars.
Eight years. A lot of time to see people come and go. Those that left him with lasting impressions will be forever remembered and thought upon for more years to come.
Does he even felt love for this place? His job? His career?
He always gets thoughts like this every now and then. Why do the things he do? Dedication and passion only come to him in seasons. Unlike other colleagues who breathe their work. To him, these are all just means to an end.
And that's where he is troubled. What was his end?
He would have liked it if he could at least give out a pained expression on his face. Anything to signify that this is all for something. Then he realized his curse. He has no ability to sentimentalize his past, and now, he can't even design his future.
Perhaps that's what his situation is right now. Hopelessly trapped in today. Right to the very second of each breath. Quite a narrow existence to an already short span of life.
Suddenly, he hears the familiar beeping of the electronic bundy clock, announcing the departure of another employee.
In an hour it's time to go.
To the place where he sleeps and watches cable. But it's not a place he calls 'home'. Much the way he treats the office he is now looking at -- without sentimentality or affection. The workstation he works reflects that way of thinking.
It has no decorations, no pictures ... nothing of that 'personal' touch. Just a pile of papers stacked up without organization or thought. Perhaps the unruliness is the only personal touch he could give it, and not even of a conscious effort at that.
He chuckled to himself. He felt like Dr. House.
Not only in the unfeeling way, but also the way people believed in him. An even more limiting factor to a reputation he never even desired to build for himself.
He then felt his head grow heavy again.
"Time to stop all this thinking", he thought.
So he went back to his workstation, played Sitti on his headphones, and blogged all of this as an entry.
Random Thoughts: How Music Saves My Soul
"Di kita pipilitin sundin mo pa ang yong damdamin ..."
I am not a simple person, that much is certain.
My head is a continual whirlpool-washing-machine of questions, simulations, and to-do lists of which only about 7% gets done (yes, I'm the epitome of a wasted mind). It can really tire me and cause some sort of soft pain at the back of my skull.
That's why I need to listen to music. It has a healing effect and helps stop redundant brain processes inside my skull.
More than that, it even helps me make sound (yes, the pun) decisions, as in literally out of the song lyrics o_O
So the songs I usually have in my roster are band music and stuff, regardless of genre and publicity. I'd like to note however, that the first cassette tape I bought was Enya, the one with the Carribean Moon song. Man, I loved dreaming while listening to that.
On a side note, I do suspect my brain is wired all wrong. So if there are any neurologists out there can help explain stuff, here's your chance.
- I'm left handed, but my strong arm is the right
- bad at directions, yeah I have that "the-other-left" problems
- logical computations intrigue me a lot, but I have artsy tendencies. What gives?
Ah well, that's that. Wouldn't want to squeeze anything more.
Gah, I'm getting hungry. Time to chow.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Anecdotes: The Ace of Hearts
Last saturday I went home to our little barrio in Cavite. As I said in some posts before that my usual routine is to catch up with what's happening there and update them to what's happening to me.
I've mentioned to them of my retirement from my current company and such. And then I told mom that maybe in two years I plan to go abroad, perhaps in the US where my friends are.
Mom got a bit surprised and said, "Son, don't you want to marry first"?
I replied to her with a bit of a casual tone, "Nah, it's okay".
She sounded alarmed by my reaction and asked me to do so before I turn 33.
Ah parents can be endearing indeed. I did tell her that I am dating someone to assure her that I'm still a normal male person. However, I did tell her that it's far from anything because well, she's pretty busy and would be leaving the country anyway.
Moments ago, dad already sat on a chair and was listening to us, looked at me and replied, "Son, don't let her go".
I told them, "Nah, wouldn't want to be in charge of somebody else's life". Somehow I wish I could also tell them how I'm becoming indifferent about this whole affair. The good thing about it though is that despite the dating disasters, I was never disappointed about myself. Sure I can be really pathetic at times, but that's just me letting myself go through the phase -- I need it to happen.
Yeah, the pursuit can be fun at first, as is the job of the male species. But after a while I too can get tired of it. I mean why bother if it's all for nothing right? Looking on the bright side I could say that's the good part. It's a test on what I truly believe would make me hold on to a person no matter what the situation is. Isn't that what all relationships have to go through?
All of this also reminds me how I've become so much more than just their sickly son. More than I've ever thought I would learn from living on my own. For a brief instant I felt that I'm older than them.
I then picked up my bag, kissed mom and patted dad on the shoulder to bid farewell. It was time to go back to the chaos that is Manila. Time to deal with the chaos inside my heart and mind as well.
The new wallet Kleng gave to me showcasing the piling mess on my desk. To use, or to not use?
Prose: I Don't Mind
I hold my face up the mirror
And see tired, weary eyes
From all the deceit and despair
Some I even did to myself
But I don't mind it a bit
I don't mind at all
I'm living a life
With lots of things to be desired
There's only so much I can do
With this heart and two hands
Oh but you know, I don't mind
I don't mind that at all
Right now, everything is okay
Everything is alright
At times it might not
But you know, that's not too bad
Because I won't mind
I won't mind it at all :)
God, I miss Palawan
Uhm, something to stuff my blog with XD
FIRST NAME? Francis (at the risk of incrimination)
WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? A basketball player back in the Crispa / Toyota days (circa late 1970s)
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? absolutely
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH? Sinigang :}
IF YOU’RE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD U BE FRIENDS W/ YOU? like peas in a pod
DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? yeah, and a handwritten one way back 1996
DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? sparingly
DO U STILL HAVE TONSILS? yes, and I'm regularly having tonsillitis
DO U WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO U? not really
WHAT COLOR OF PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? dark brown and dark brown
FAVORITE DRINKs? buko juice (i can drink a gallon)
HUGS OR KISSES? kisses for just about any occasion, hugs when feeling sleepy
FAVORITE SPORT? mouse clicking
WHAT’S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? just about every art
YOUR EYE COLOR? brown
HAT SIZE? me no have hats
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? rice?
DO U THINK YOU’RE STRONG? yeah!
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? anything with chocolate
SHOE SIZE? 9
RED OR PINK? red po
WHAT’S THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT URSELF? my myopic eyes :<
WHO DO U MISS THE MOST? *kunot na lang noo*
LAST THING YOU ATE? bicol express *drool*
WHAT SOUNDS YOU'RE HEARING RIGHT NOW? OPM band music
IF YOU'RE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD U BE? dark black
FAVORITE SMELL? a fitting perfume lingering on a woman
DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? aw, she's my favorite student (er, ano nga ba tinuro ko sa yo?)
FAVORITE FOOD? pagkain
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? forgot
WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? dark brown
SUMMER OR WINTER? i like both actually
FAVORITE DESSERT? minatamis na saging
WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? none at the moment
WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? Animax channel
THE FURTHEST YOU’VE BEEN FROM HOME? California
WHEN AND WHERE WERE YOU BORN? January 1, 1977 / Pasay
WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Anne
I'm tagging all the lazy people on my links that don't have stuff like this in their blogs >:(
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Random Thoughts: Ironies in Life
I've read somewhere that the three ironies in life are ...
Meeting the right person at the wrong time
Meeting the wrong person at the right time and ...
Knowing the person is the right one right after they walk out of your life
Okay, wala lang, gusto ko lang sabihin kase ang galing e, hehe.
But anyway, I found out that the best decisions I make in my life are those done out of spontaneity, i.e. without even thinking things out.
Truth be told, I used to make meticulous considerations before taking a leap. Like making all the calculations before launching a space rocket. However, experience has taught me that being spontaneous fits me better. Why? Because even if I made the wrong decision, I know I can just stand up. And I know that I can always do it again.
Just a few wandering thoughts.
Speech Impediments and the Pursuit of 'That' Perfume
We all know that if we don't use a 'skill' regularly, we tend to become 'rusty' in it. Take for example driving a race car. If you are a race car driver, you should have the motor skills and reflexes to negotiate curves and such.
But if you have not been driving for like 10 years, you lose such skills and become poor at what you do.
Now this is where an embarassing dilemma of mine starts.
I'm having trouble 'speaking' to people. You know, having conversations and stuff. Why? Oh dear, it must be because I don't talk that much anymore. While my brain cells can still function normally on other aspects, it gets rusty on the speech and language department.
However, with all this blogging you ask, that shouldn't be the case. Unfortunately, I can still edit stuff in writing. If I were to leave what I write as it is, you will notice grammatical errors and sentence fragments having a field day.
Oh well :<
I am looking for that perfume I smelled (smelt?). It's really good. I just passed by St. Francis Square to find out what perfume it is but I couldn't if I have to inhale 12 other scents before it o_O
That gave me a headache.
As usual, that place has tons of DVDs to buy. No longer have to walk all the way to Metrowalk to look for one. The last one I bought was Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai. It's supposed to be a classic, but found out I have little love for really old films.
Unless I get funky and do some artsy-fartsy things with it. Oh well.
On to the pursuit of that perfume! If I cannot find it, I'll settle for Fahrenheit Dior.
I went home to Cavite, after a couple of months of (uh) not going there.
I've dropped by to give mom the 1 kilo danggit and dried squids I bought from Cebu (man, are they smelly).
Like all routines, I've asked mom what news in our quiet little barrio.
That's just the thing in provinces -- nothing really changes.
Exactly the reason why staying there depresses me. It's a place to live a simple life, yet, to a restless individual it is dying while still alive.
This is a spider we call "Gagambang Hari" nesting outside our house in Cavite. We used to fear these because of their size and intimidating mandibles
It doesn't help that mom couldn't say anything happy at all.
"Mga tao dito, walang wala."
People couldn't change here. Not that they couldn't but because they desire not to. But in some little way, I wanted that for myself as well.
And you know what's ironic about it all? When I was still living there I was looking for change, for excitement -- I wanted to dream and see that dream happen. Yet when I came to live here in Manila, all I wanted was an axis of permanence. An unchanging beacon I can turn to in a world full of chaos and despair.
Took this picture of a light-decorated tree while walking with a sleepy date last Friday. Reminds me of a night scene in LoTR where they visited the elven queen (played by Cate Blanchett). *zips mouth*
Monday, August 07, 2006
A Bit Hard to Breathe
There I was just having my mind in pain as usual ...
Early this year, one of my most fervent wishes was to see her one last time this year before I wander off into the unknown. The one person whom I have given right to scold me when I am being a jerk or a doofus. The one who knows me in both my sweetest and gloomiest of moods.
I wish I could say to her "Hey, I'm good! :) All's fine so ... how do I make your life miserable today :)"
Yeah, that's how we used to make each other's day. Like cats and dogs snarling and hissing at each other just for the fun of it.
But the most important role she had in my life was to tell me what I couldn't understand on my own. When I make decisions, it is almost always considering a lot of things. She on the other hand, thinks in black and white. I've learned that from her :)
It was never hard for her to make life simpler. And because of that, she's the one I turn to whenever I have headaches about dating and relationships. She helped me understand just why some of them are indecisive (she claims she's the exception, bwahaha) and why I'm letting myself become a willing victim. Yet in a way, she never told me to change anything.
I guess if she was around right now, she would've kicked my nuts anyway XD
After receiving that mail, I felt a little prick of pain in my chest. I know it cannot happen anymore.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Random Thoughts: Words are Powerful
Today I woke up with half my brain feeling numb. No, I did not drink anything that may cause so the night before. It probably is because my body is still adjusting to getting back to regular shift.
Which sort of sucks because I couldn't play RAN in the usual hours when the cafes are open. I couldn't believe that I'm having lapses of falling asleep!
Yeah, at 8 pm my body is looking for some sleep. Why last night, being awake at 9:30 pm felt like staying up late. Woke up at about 5 am today. I would thought about jogging it up, but I would love to only if I can stay later than 10 pm tonight.
Also today, we have a new onsite team member, and I probably sensed what was coming from a mile away -- we have a live fish.
Meaning someone who'll be pushing their weight around to get things done. I mind things like this, but on a technical aspect, we need people like that around. Most especially to discipline mavericks and loose cannons like myself.
I miss being with my old team. Two of them just came back from onsite, but it still don't feel the same. And when new people go into the mix, I feel like going out.
Knowing this, I almost felt like I missed my Aboitiz days. Yeah, there were bad times, but a lot of good times were in it. I even missed travelling through both MRT and LRT just to get to work.
Or maybe not.
The stress there can be overwhelming if you don't know who's on your back. When I was there, I knew who I can work with. But unfortunately, mutiny in the ranks was abound. Anarchy was everywhere. Sigh.
It was a wasted project. And so I continue filling up my resume with major league projects that never get to finish. Not that it matters when applying for jobs in my league.
I want out.
I know it isn't wise to just jump ship with no life line. I can go at least half a year unemployed, but unfortunately, there are people who depend on me. And when that's the case, things can go away really fast.
I've mused into going into a business of some sort. That trip to Cebu taught me a lot of lessons with enterpreneurship. You can see that place is breathing it. Haven't thought a lot of being my own boss though.
If i did, that would have spelled the end of my procrastination. Coincidentally, I've already bought books, magazines and stuff about it. I just couldn't dive without knowing something first.
Maybe I should go farming ^_^
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Random Thoughts: You Lost Weight
Alright, now I need to gain weight.
People now think I'm doing drugs o_O when in fact, all I did was to eat just one cup of rice each meal. It looks like my metabolism is still in hyperdrive despite being in my late 20s.
I am half-expecting I should have a buddha beer belly by now. Oh well.
My swordsman couldn't get off from being level 87 :( and it's already more than a week! I plan to be at least 97 before the middle of next week. Me want to learn Sunken Strike!
I want to sow terror into the hearts of kiddies out there!
They shall fear the Eater of Eyes!
On a side note, I'd love to make a kick-ass forum sig for that. Oh yeah, I just deleted my int brawler. He's level 75 before being sent to the virtual spirit world.
So here's my farewell to Eater of Oni. You have served your purpose in letting me into this addicting game :}
Ofcourse that can only mean room to remake him :} if they make a new server that is
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Goodbye Halcyon Days
You know I ...
Had a lot of things I wanted to do
I want to be a teacher
I also want to be an astronaut
And also make my own cake shop
I want to go to Mr. Donuts and say
"I'll have them all!"
And I want to go to Baskin & Robins and say
"I'll have them all!"
I wish I could live five times over!
Then I'd be born in five different cities
I'd stuff myself full with different delicious things
Five times each
I'd have five different jobs
And then for those five times ...
I'd fall in love with the same person
Random Thoughts: What I Do Not Write
After all that has happened, I've come to embrace the thought of travelling alone (oh dear, full blown hermit). I'd even go for a month with unshaved facial hair carrying my walking stick and raggedy clothes.
I want to write about it. Record every thought that comes into my mind, be it good, be it bad.
Then again, what difference would that have from writing everything about what's in my head here in this blog?
Well I have to admit, I have failed to continually fulfill the purpose of this blog. That is, to write everything regardless of what everybody thinks. That is so I can face what I do not like about myself and improve what I already have.
I would've wished to put on record, but ... some aspects of my life I still hesitate to write down and be read. I guess I'm entitled to keep it so. Sometimes when I'm bored I go through all the posts I have not published (quite a number of them). They never get to be released mostly because the mood was gone before I could finish it.
Not too long ago, I have made another blog, a really private one. In there I've banked all what I wanted to say while in my most extreme emotions. Sort of like a jar where you could shout in and seal. I really found the activity satisfying. Instead of bottling it all up in myself and have to carefully choose the words to blog, in there I just let it all out.
But when I think about putting what I've written there into this one, it really didn't feel it can belong here. That perhaps confirms the fact that, we can really become another person and not feel that it's a also another 'you'. Things we realize only after a time and have our perspectives changed.
Ah, looks like the bruises on my chest has healed. I dived at about a height of 20 feet in the wrong position. Felt like I landed on concrete X(
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