The Terrible Writings of Quentin Montejo
Serial experiments on a fallen archangel who only wanted to regain just one wing back
Free of the World. Rain worshipper. Hermit. Tormented mind. Caged spirit. Defiant and eternal enemy of Destiny and Fate. Poet. Scientist. Artist. Daydreamer. He who laughs. Slacker. Sleeper. Romancer of wings and clouds. Fiercely independent. He who is ponderous. Games and anime junkie. Four eyes. Caveman. Nature-lover. He who doesn't think that hard. Non-smoker. Music-junkie. Counter of blessings. Guitar-hugger. He who simply wants what everybody else would like to be in this world and the next -- to be happy.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Poetry: Two Little Eyes
- Q. Montejo
What do you see with two little eyes?
"The color of onee-chan's shirt
The brightness of pochi's spots
And the color of everything
When happy and when sad"
I put those two little eyes to sleep
Humming a song sort of a lullaby
I felt goofy and funny and warm
All at the same time, yet it's ok
Tomorrow, those two little eyes
Will be brighter than the day that'll come
Two little eyes that will say without saying
And believing anything even without seeing
Friday, April 29, 2005
The Long Day
Sometimes I'd leave this blog alone for weeks even though I itch so much wanting to put things in it. So I should remind myself to set free my mind and immortalize a whole stream of thought.
Right now, the song "Grow Old With You" is playing on my Sonique, an mp3 player application. Ok, it's over now. Pretty short song.
Now I'm hearing guitar riffs *doung doung doung*, gawds, it's a System of a Down song. The band vocalist is quite a funny looking guy with all that beard and all. Hah! I wish I have some of those. I don't even have sideburns. What sort of male freak of nature I am being born without sideburns! It's outrageous. I don't even have a decent goatee and moustache (grumble) Ok, I'll switch songs because this is making me angsty. Foo Fighters. Saliva. Five for Fighting. Dishwalla. Goo goo dolls. Counting Crows. Blues Traveler. Puddle of Mudd.
Oh, here we are. Puddle of Mudd. Whenever I hear their song Blurry, I sort of like fall into a trance. Obviously, I'm in a trance right now. I love it when it happens. The composition of that song sort of affects me subliminally. And when it comes to the chorus, I go zen like, sort of being one-with-the-universe feeling and all that shit. No really, somehow songs I give comments like these inspire me to draw manga or create my fiction stories. I think there's a pattern to it, you know what I mean?
K. Change the song. Chad Kroeger (Nickelback vocalist). Deep Blue Something. Goo goo dolls again. Jason Mraz. Johnny Rzeznik (Goo goo dolls vocalist). Oh there we are. His song I'm Still Here is part of the soundtrack of a cartoon movie Titan A.E. If I was any younger, I would've loved that movie. Still, the song pushes me again into trance.
Yeah. Crazy :) I love being crazy. End post.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
I Miss You
[i miss you]
there's no other way to say it
i can't deny it
[i miss you]
it's so easy to see
i miss you and me
blech. Hope this is all over soon.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Saturday, April 23, 2005
Poetry: Patchwork Poem I
[Tonight I'm gonna break away / Just you wait and see
I'll never be imprisoned by / A faded memory]
Here I am again staring at the radiation screen
Surfing through network miles of other peoples
[Everytime I think of you / I always catch my breath
I'm standing here / And you're miles away]
I click on a picture of you
Wondering what you're up to
[It's a damn cold night / Trying to figure out this life
Won't you take me by the hand take me somewhere
Would I learn to adapt to those dancing lights
Where you seem to bask yourself on?
[And I thought what I felt was simple / And I thought
that I don't belong
And now that I am leaving / Now I know that I did
Maybe things happened so fast that I forgot to look
I wasn't afraid, I just didn't want our lives going faster
than we were
[Everytime I hear our music play / Reminds me of
things that we've been through
In my mind I can't believe it's true / But in my heart
the reality is you]
When my mind is blank and my room is dark
I am visited by these really prickly thoughts of missing
[I've got a ticket to anywhere / Maybe we can make a
Maybe together we can get somewhere / Any place is
I type this poem to convey artificial emotions
Hoping it'll reach you somehow
It could be hoping too much, or too less
So with it are my honest basic desire
[I'm not a perfect person / There's so many things I
wish I didn't do
And I just keep on learning / I never meant to do those
things to you]
I fuel these last words
With all my "I'm sorry"'s
And my utmost frustration
On all this virtuality that is keeping me from saying
"All I want is you"
Friday, April 22, 2005
Guest Poetry: K.I.M.A.M.
I'm not sure if she wants bebang as her pen name, but I think it's cute :D - Quents
Kung ibig mo ako makilala
Lampasan mo ang guhit ng mahugis na balat,
Ang titig kong dagat---
Yumayapos ng mahigpit sa bawat saglit
Ng kahapon ko't bukas
Kung ibig mo akong makilala,
Sunduin mo ako sa himlayang dilim
At sa madlang pagsukol ng inunang hilahil
Ibangon ako at saka palayain
Isang pag-ibig na lipos ng lingap,
Tahanang malaya sa pangamba at sumbat
May suhay ng tuwa't kaluwalhatiay
Ialay mong lahat ito sa akin
Kung mahal mo ako't ibig kilalanin
Kung ibig mo akong kilalanin,
Sisirin mo ako hanggang buto,
Liparin mo ako hanggang utak,
Uminlanlang ka hanggang kaluluwa---
Hubad ako roon mula ulo hanggang paa
Guest Poetry: b.r.u.i.s.e.
Excellent piece. - Quents
in this portrait, the woman is praying
her eyes are shut, her lips pursed in secrecy
there is mark on her cheek, already brown
but the colors of the painting are freshly bruised
blue, violet, maroon
i want to purchase her, hang her in my living room
maria cannot say whether it is print or painting
hagod, he calls this technique
cariño brutal, it is sometimes called
when we love too much and cannot tell why
you left no marks when you beat me
you clever lover, you pressed your hand over my face
as if i could not bear to see it, or lose it
i could not breath, i flailed, struggled to free myself
this was my prayer
but i had begun to love the hurting
possessed, i gave you bruises you wore like a garland
fragrant with pride
away, i prayed, away
but the purple twilight had descended
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
On Love and The One
We fall in love, hold hands, kiss and stuff even. We can never get enough of that pulse pounding rush when we're with the one we love. Every minute counts, and parting is such sweet sorrow.
The one we love. Notice that there's this ring to it. Too many people I know are looking for 'The One' when 'The One' might as well be 'the one' with the small 't' and 'o' and in turn, might as well be the same one with the big 't' and 'o'. Minus the issues. Get it? The one we love can be as simple as that.
I was a victim of this 'One Syndrome'. I found a woman, and I tried capitalizing the 't' and 'o'. But it looks like those wouldn't change even if I asked them with puppy dogs eyes and crystal shining tears rolling my cheeks. Maybe the idealists of such things are the ones obviously doomed to such fate. The realists get all the action, but the idealists sneer and hold their nose up and say, "Meh, that won't last. I'm reserving myself for 'The One'. Coz I know it's the real deal baby."
So eventually the idealists grow old and become realists themselves. All the theories and principles of idealists in the world cannot mold the shape of mountains anyway or command the clouds to be fluffy this way or that. See, there are just some things that are simple like that. Except ofcourse, bonsai plants. Bonsai plants are really things of beauty, though can't help but consider the plant's feelings of having to have to be stunted to be beautiful. I mean, it's just like being made to wear really, really little shoes to look cute.
I hate cute. I want a fighting, no-holds barred, mano y mano, guns and roses kind of ... whatever. Or maybe I'm just saying this because what I really want is cute. Who knows, maybe it's just another mystery that'll take a couple more lifetimes to figure out like love. And that is by spending it in a Zen monastery with cuckoo birds and mossy temples -- and baboons feeding on your loin cloth.
Which brings me back to love. I hate love. Oxymoron eh? I think love is innately biological as well as emotional. We are wired to it whether we like it or not. Unless ofcourse you're born Hannibal Lecter then I'll stay the hell away from you. Who knows what brand of love you'll be expressing with that shiny ball point pen you're pointing my eye at. Can love survive as purely emotional? Maybe. We mortals are known to be capable of anything.
Maybe even capable of being The One for SomeOne, if we put our minds to it. Though I've been tired hearing that thought in my head over and over again that I tune out just by, well, thinking of it. So let me put it in a simple matter as much as the word(s) that comprise it.
Just go out there. The one who wants to be with you is just out there. Somewhere. Phooey.
If I am a waste of everything you dreamed of
I will let you down
If I am only here to watch you suffer
I will let you down
Guitar Tabs: 1979 by Smashing Pumpkins
www.Ultimate-Guitar.Com · 1979 Tab @ 911Tabs.Com
Monday, April 18, 2005
I'm beginning to want to always have a guitar by my side and play with it whenever I want -_-
Sleepless in Antipolo
Went to Antipolo last weekend and had a ram jammin good time. Uhm, amidst the apparent humidity and mosquitoes I still had fun over there. The city lights in the background gives it all an eerie but serene feel. Ironically, I wouldn't bring a date to that place, but the Old Spaghetti House we ate dinner beforehand was divine.
I brought my guitar, but I thought better by giving it to more able hands in the crowd. I just love music. I am born with no talent for it, but that is not a prerequisite for having passion for it. So there I was, singing with wild abandon to almost all the songs the master guitar player is creating from my six stringed mistress. I didn't care if I'm out of tune, or I had to change to falsetto or tenor to fit to the music. Hope they didn't mind my rowdy behaviour (and that's not being drunk).
And the other thing that I love as much as me singing is hearing other people sing regardless if they are talented or merely like me, ambitious. So to all those whom whose voices I heard, you are all beautiful people :*}
Friday, April 15, 2005
My Japanese Name
Though I sincerely detest these link-ups, I'll make exceptions every now and then. Especially on this one because I have an interest in Nihonggo. I might use it someday :) Bishounen ... meh
My Japanese name is Rosanjin Date.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Turn away from the crowd & its fruitless pursuit of fame & gold. Never look back as you close your door to the sorry tumult of greed & ambition. Wipe away your tears of failure & misfortune. Lay aside your heavy load and rest until your heart is still. Be at peace. Already it is later than you think, for your earthly life, at best, is only the blink of an eye between two eternities. Be unafraid. Nothing here can harm you except yourself. Do which you dread and cherish those victories with pride. Concentrate your energy. To be everywhere is to be nowhere. Be jealous of your time, since it is your greatest treasure. Reconsider your goals. Before you set your heart too much on anything, examine how happy they are who already possess what you desire. Love your family and count your blessings. Reflect on how eagerly they would be sought if you did not have them. Put aside your impossible dream and complete the task at hand no matter how distasteful. All great achievements come from working and waiting. Be patient. God’s delays are never God’s denials. Hold on. Hold fast. Know that your pay master is always near. What you sow, good or evil, that you will reap. Never blame your condition on others. You are what you are through your choice alone. Learn to live with honest poverty, if you must, and turn to more important matters than transporting gold to your grave. Never meet trouble halfway. Anxiety is the rust of life; when you add tomorrow’s burdens to today’s their weight becomes unbearable. Avoid the mourner’s bench and give thanks, instead, for your defeats. You would not receive them if you did not need them. Always learn from others. He who teaches himself has a fool for a master. Be careful. Do not overload your conscience. Conduct your life as if it was spent in arena filled with tattlers. Avoid boasting. If you see anything in you that puffs you with pride look closer and you will find more than enough to make you humble. Be wise. Realize that all men are not created equal, for there is no equality in nature, yet no man was ever born whose work was not born with him. Work everyday as if it was your first, yet tenderly treat the lives you touch as if they will all end at midnight. Love everyone, even those who deny you, for hate is luxury you cannot afford. Seek out those in need. Learn that he who delivers with one hand will always gather with two. Be of good cheer. Above all, remember that every little is needed to make a happy life. Look up. Reach out. Cling simply to God and journey quietly on your pathway to forever with charity and a smile. When you depart, it will be said by all that your legacy was a better world than one you found.
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Guitar Tabs: Somewhere Out There by Our Lady of Peace
Transcribed by Guido Botindari
Monday, April 11, 2005
Yesterday I bought myself a PC microphone and started recording my guitar playing and singing. After I get to hear myself, a lot of words came into my mind -- I was absolutely horrified >:D
Horrified but at the same time fascinated :@
I have a crude, untamed voice but I have sufficient vocal flexibility. Probably because I have a big ribcage for my size and that I've been doing la-la-la's since I was kid (the first song I ever memorized was Ocean Deep).
Still, it'll provide me with something to discipline myself with for months to come :)
Hehe, She Does Not Know This Site
Digged this up from my old, crusty laptop
I could no longer recall what we were thinking here. But knowing me, it could be anything evil.
Friday, April 08, 2005
On Changes, Changes of Yore
Well, looks like I'll be taking that Java Certification after using it for 4+ years. It's about time I cement my knowledge on my expertise. No turning back now.
Kind of like the guitars. Been playing (as in playin') with it for like seven years and it is only now that I took formal lessons on it.
Come to think of it, maybe it is time that I get my life right. Been living lazily for five or so years, and what can I say about myself? Nothing!
I guess it is time ^_^
Thursday, April 07, 2005
An Autobiography of a Mental Cripple
I was a very sick kid the day I was born. Not unexpectedly, all of my mother's sorrows I absorbed and manifested itself in my frailty -- dry skin, thin bones, introvertiveness, xenophobia, autism, timidity ... I guess my mom was not cut out to take care of the needs of a very sickly kid beyond not letting him catch germs.
Heck, I even have to learn to recognize how to correctly react to pain and hunger at the ages of six to ten. I don't know how to normally associate with people by the time I got midway in highschool. By college, my knees still shake whenever I approach people I don't know but need to interact with. The self-confidence I have only lies on the fact that ever since I couldn't punch a classmate in 1st grade, I can always become better academically. Pen and paper don't talk back so that suits me well. The same goes for Game&Watch and PC games. And I was still a creepy kid in college when I would go to Isetann mall in Quiapo just to watch Tekken when it first came out.
Upon my first job interview, I was ready to take on the world. Show them what I've got inside my brain. Unfortunately, what I don't have is how to take on people. I could barely handle assholes and scum. I would cower and fold when I'm reprimanded viciously. I had a terrible time trying to cope and adapt. It feels like running in the dark with my hands outstretched, the only tools I have to know I won't be hitting a wall.
At the age of twenty-three up til twenty-six or so, I realized I have trouble even speaking straight. Yes ladies and gentlemen. I can't hold a conversation straight for more than five minutes until my synapses begin tripping down on each other and muddling my coherence.
I speak to very few people, and even if I do, I had to simplify my language and repeat what they say twice or more inside my head just to comprehend what is being said to me.
A cripple. That's what I still am. Yet I don't complain. I can't complain.
Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Poetry: This Is Not A Romantic Poem
This is not a romantic poem
No clicheic "I love you forever like that"
Nor words conjured in Shakespearean proportions
And if you're looking for phrases
That melt your heart with each utterance
Then none of those can be found here
Here there's only the loss of things
The loss of insecurities, of self-made walls
Of defenses I have for people like you
Who simply walked through them all
The invader who took me prisoner
By letting me be the king of your heart
This is not a romantic poem
This poem is about my love for you
In all its concentrated entirety
And how this planet orbits in slow motion
When I'm with you, and you're with me ...
I think in a way, I'm better off than most people. I never did something that would make me go:
- I've never knowingly did any life-threatening actions (to myself or to others). Not sure about sticking my tongue on that USB port extension.
- I've never stolen anything. At least, what's not already mine.
- I've never killed anyone. Though I've massacred people in my mind in genocidal proportions.
- I've never attempted suicide. I tried trying to stop breathing but unfortunately, I've only known after that incident that it was medically impossible. Like licking your elbow.
- I've never cheated on people, either on their money or their virginity. Ok, belay the last word.
Knowing these things and then some, would people think I'm a good man?
Monday, April 04, 2005
Trip to Tagaytay: Part II
Went to Tagaytay again, hitting close to home :(
Somehow the experience is kind of dimmed because:
- I'm not as depressed
- I'm not roaring drunk (maybe I should've downed more Bailey's)
HOWEVER, it was a different gleeful weekend because
- I get to sing all day long
- I get to hear two people who are actually good at guitars (main reason so far)
- I still get to drink naman hehehe
- the rellenong bangus was simply divine
- we get to record what we were doing! (wish Anne would send those vid clips). I was actually going to suggest that we bring a vid cam -_-
- I still get to laugh hard
- I get to pass by and see my home. Which I haven't visited for more than a month -_-
Now. Quo Vadis?
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