The Terrible Writings of Quentin Montejo
Serial experiments on a fallen archangel who only wanted to regain just one wing back
Free of the World. Rain worshipper. Hermit. Tormented mind. Caged spirit. Defiant and eternal enemy of Destiny and Fate. Poet. Scientist. Artist. Daydreamer. He who laughs. Slacker. Sleeper. Romancer of wings and clouds. Fiercely independent. He who is ponderous. Games and anime junkie. Four eyes. Caveman. Nature-lover. He who doesn't think that hard. Non-smoker. Music-junkie. Counter of blessings. Guitar-hugger. He who simply wants what everybody else would like to be in this world and the next -- to be happy.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Word: Quo Vadis
Don't have much of everythin'
Livin' in a corner in Boni that's not much
But I've gots the goods and the mood to match
It's 8 pm and I'm here still on a roll
No sympathies for me for I need none at all
So hear this, good people of the world
I'm no kind, gentle-hearted soul
Sometimes maybe, I am arrogant for my own good
Uttering drama about the past and things I never understood
Still cool despite the never ending rain
For this storm is not something I'll kill with my pain
Coz it's a part of me, kiddo, know that well
I'm too good to be crawlin', too proud to be beggin'
Honor bound to see this all to the very end
Do my best, do what's right, and do it patiently man
But I'm cool, I ain't complainin'
Coz this life don't owe me anythin'
I just borrowed time and it's gonna be good
For this little time I stayed were I stood
My ground is where my dreams at
High they may be but such is the price I pay
If you can, remember me man, won't be long for this stay
Coz tomorrow I might be goin', head up high and prayin'
Dunno what I'll be leavin', but that's for you to say
Let's both see tomorrow and live for better days ...
Friday, April 25, 2008
Minsan ang buhay parang tagu taguan.
Akala mo di ka na nakikita, pero ayun, kita ka pa rin. Tapos minsan ikaw mismo ang nawawala, at wala na pala mga kalaro mo.
Ikaw lang yung naiwan sa pinagtataguan mo. Nagsiuwian na pala sila.
Pero ikaw andun pa rin, nagtataka kung tapos na ba ang laro. Tumingin ka kung andun pa sila, yun pala wala na. Kaya ayun, umuwi ka sa inyo hapunan na. Ang mga kalaro mo nasa kani-kanyang bahay sa kani kaniyang pamilya.
Kaso ikaw pala, wala kang pamilya.
Sana di na natapos yung tagu taguan. Para kahit dun, alam mong kahit nasa pinakamadilim ka na sulok, alam mong di ka nag-iisa, at may naghahanap pala sa yo ...
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Chill of the Office Aircon
Man, it has been hot the last few days. There's the occasional cloudy skies, but not enough to curb the heat of summer.
Every year I'd say to myself I'd go somewhere interesting. And it does happen thankfully. I'm not anti social enough that I don't have people to go with. In fact somewhere out there, there's a trip out there I'll hitch on to.
I never really did a long out-of-town trip by myself. Though I've always wanted to do so one of these days. It's just that I never got around to be around strangers. Perhaps if I push myself hard enough I would.
On some geek news, the Kamael expansion is up! Unfortunately, it'll take some time before the place where I play it would it in their client copy. Mmm, here I go again, taking about an hour coming up with a name.
Hee hee, I can't help it, because it's fun. I'd go about thinking what the story for this character would be, or how I could parallel it with my own idea for a story plot.
About that, well, the past weeks I've been thinking about making my own browser game. Yeah, at least that should be easier to do than doing the ultimate one. It would at least help me understand more about the things I do in my job. But first I need to get a good crib going or it would end up futile again.
If that ever happens, I could finally revisit my old story blogs, dream about ideas and code away. That would be cool. Plus, if my creative juices won't trip my brain again, I could actually practice drawing and learn some Photoshop skills.
Ah so many plans.
Squeezing out mind juices. Eyelids feeling chilly. Just up until when are you going to type there?
I have a new mantra these days.
It's "Think of Nothing".
It has a zen feel to it huh? Might I say, it's a good password whenever my mind demons are acting up. Emptying my head lets me focus on the fleshy parts of the day.
Oh, and about that, I think I've reached the peak of my work habit. I no longer doze off to lala-land. Right after I sit down, I do something productive up until I go home. Ofcourse there's still the occasional standing around and the guitar mangling sessions less than an hour before going home. Okay, so my day never goes to 100% productive. But I think it's 80% or so, which is good enough eh?
To think I'm not having enough sleep! :3
I'm pondering. What this year would be like before it ends.
That again. I could never wrestle against that one mood. I think I've been rat-mazed to never risk myself again for that situation. It's just one to many. And I'm not naive to do it over again.
I just want it to go naturally if I do have to deal with it.
So far, that hasn't happened in a long time. And I'm wondering if ... aw to heck with it. I guess this'll be the part where indecisiveness would permanently take root. No hope for me! :D
Anyway, enough being ambiguous, time to go home.
Monday, April 21, 2008
The Noise of Night
Man this is bad. Insomnia + Wifi is bad.
I've been planning on moving out for the longest time. Perhaps now it is my chance. An officmeate of mine is moving out of her place and is offering it to me. That will happen in June though, so it's a couple of months off.
In the mean time, I'll be stuck here in this humid room with two morons who couldn't damn clean the freaking floor. God damn. Though they are generally nice people, they utterly lack a sense of duty to have a turn in cleaning the god damn room. Dumb asses.
Anyway, it'll be a good change for me to finally get out of this place. Man, has it been that long. I've never really hung out with the people I'm living with. We may or may not have the same interests, it's just that I've kept the relationship in a strict you-there-me-here sort of way. I have no interest in knowing past paying the rent.
Hmm, I wonder about them sometimes. They've been here longer than I have. Are they not thinking of moving?
Ah, not my concern. I'd like to think of new places to be :) Perhaps I should cement the deal with the officemate? She's an interesting person. Reminds me of what I would have been like, growing up normal (heh heh heh). She has this squeaky little voice that annoys me if I hear it too much, and likes to hang out with an unlikely crowd of lecherous men (the kind were your dignity will take a nose dive unless you could dig the humor). Prolly been hanging with guys all her life. But despite all that and the masculine demeanor, she's a smart lass and has a charm on her own. Sometimes she's as comely as the Virgin Mary, and sometimes she's like a bitch from hell (okay exaggeration, no one can be THAT evil ... maybe). My spider sense tells me to keep a certain distance. But I guess in some way, she fascinates me like an aquarium fish. She better keep that room reserved for me >:o
Hmm. I wonder if she reads this blog. That would suck.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Of Putting Hands Up and Grasping Nothing
Woke up late as usual. But this time I found myself in a mental state I consider doing for the first time.
I am trying to call up a mood. I guess I'm calling it "mood" now to make it sound normal, because I usually call it persona, or aspect.
Being groggy for a bit, I find a block of cloudy thought in my head preventing me from calling out to that mood. I need it for tomorrow because I'll be doing something stupid again.
Oh now why would I do something like that you ask?
Hmm. Let me put it this way. Why would you do something stupid yourself? Primarily because you want something that accompanied it. Something important to you.
I guess this one is important to me. And I'm doing the best I could to get it, regardless of the repercussions it entails.
Kung mahalaga sa yo, gagawin mo ang lahat di ba?
So, here I am. Calling out to that mood. That personality, the part of me I need so I could be cool enough. The thing that helps me see the grander perspective of things.
That all my troubles are little compared to the thing I desire most.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Okay enough moodiness.
I've been reading Elfen Lied. And before you kids go on and read that, I am advising that it's full of nudity and slaughter.
But damn, it has an interesting story to tell.
Diclonius are mutants that have been living with the rest of humanity for the past 200,000 years. They are supposed to be the next step in humanity's evolution. Unfortunately, for the diclonius to fully take over, they have to do one thing -- kill homo sapiens. And I mean all of 'em.
Enter a research institute whose ulterior motive is to let the diclonius inherit the earth. What's the twist you say?
The diclonius here are children. Growing mentally faster than humans, at the age of five, they can massacre people with their pyschokinetic limbs called vectors. If you think that's nothing, what if I tell you those ghostly looking hands sprouting from a diclonius' back can stop bullets and casually separate your skull from your next like a gingerbread man.
The story explores a lot of inter human relationships, but I find the part about a diclonius child being attached to a surrogate human father to be most interesting.
Anyway, if you can stomach the gore and stuff go look it up.
Friday, April 18, 2008
A Silent Terribile Moode
The post title is mispelled on purpose.
I'm in a terrible mood, but it's not surfacing. Which ofcourse means that my mind is doing endless loops of reasoning and un-reasoning. Wtf. I needs to get out and get these bad things of my head.
And I think I need to get out of here ... this workplace. My other self is biting me every moment of the day about doing something I am afraid of. It's 3 against 1. Yet the 1 is still steadfast and stubborn.
It humiliates me to say this but, I am drenched in fear.
That perhaps because of a string of disappointments, I'm conditioned, like mice in a maze, to steer clear. To stay away from the situation. And I'm being purposely ambiguous because I shudder that this is a public blog and strangers aren't exactly shoulders to cry on (not implying I am going to cry, but you get the picture).
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
The Lack of Sleep
Okay, so not all blog entries are borne out of sheer inspiration.
Some, like this, are borne out of sheer pain. I've haven't got good sleep for a while now, because my brain decided to be active til 4 AM.
The only consolation is that my bed smells good all the time. I botched the pillow case tho, because I've laundered it in the most despicable way.
Anyway, I guess I'm just gonna write down one thing in my head.
And that is to admit I'm a clumsy oaf. In every possible adverb for the word.
The Lingering Notes, Agony Manifest
Man, I've been continually bombarded by songs all day everyday.
Bad part about that is, I sometimes welcome it. I try my hardest to pull whatever meaning I could from the lyrics, while forcibly putting aside the tune in some backwater portion of my brain. I succeed, for a while.
So, I have these sentences lingering in my head, sometimes I couldn't connect from which song I got it. Result, a mash of breakfast cereals and chicken bits. Guh.
* free to admit that I am wrong and change my life
* turn around, turn it around, turn this life around
* highschool she was the gurl that made me do the hula hoop around the gym
* you refill my place, you refill my place
* if you show me a sign then I will die for you
* she hates the sound goodbyes make
ave atque vale
Sunday, April 13, 2008
The Good Summer
Singin dollar dollar bill y'all
Yeah, my music taste buds are into summer beach music. All sorts man, all sorts. Good stuff!
Anyway, I've been digging through old summer pics and stuff
Ah, where do I go this time?
Gotta go out ... out ... out ... out ...
Monday, April 07, 2008
I Guess This is my Blog Lull
Yeap, this phase happens every now and then.
Good news is, I keep on clickin. So just look at 'em pictures in my account there because I'm shutter happy.
Some happy moments passed by. Ate the most delectable fried chicken. Watched some chaps play ball. Learned nothing at all. Thought less of things.
Yeap, that last part is the good one. I have this cloud inside my head you see. Or I think that's what it feels like. A soft puff of something is in there that prevents from having any clarity with my thoughts.
Hence, the blog lull.
Still, at least three personas of mine are alive today. Dumbo, Secret maniac, and Sleepyhead. None of the scary ones for a change. My brain is juicin up some good vibes too, like an auxilliary hobby.
Tomorrow is no office day. Yay.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Oh No Evil
Eeegh. My stomach feels like turning inside out.
You know when you do something that severely goes against your conscience, better judgement, and morals? Yeah. I did something like that just now.
Man, my stomach couldn't stop churning.
I think in time, it won't be a big deal, but right now I feel sick about it. Damn.
Sorry to you.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Head / Ache : Warning, Emo Entry
I always thought I'll hate you forever.
Guess I was wrong. No one can feel the same thing on and on. Not even hate. I think I hated you because it's me I couldn't forgive. And kept on it because I really don't know how.
But ... when I saw the babe, it's just it.
You were happy. That's enough. I guess all those books I gave you should help you now eh?
I wish I could talk to you. But I feel it's not yet time. Raise this curse you've laid on me please?
Is there something you need me to learn still? I can't anymore, I'm this close to giving up. I will be good, I promise.
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