The word typhoon comes from the Mandarin (?) word tai'fung, which means 'great wind'.

And a super typhoon is going to hit this weekend. I used to hear mom say that whenever a typhoon comes in the sunny (tag-araw) season, it most often is a super typhoon unlike if it came in from the rainy season.

For the most part, I used to believe that's the case (is there a meteorological explanation?). More importantly however, that means I'd again be stuck at home with nothing to do except send senseless text messages to friends and enemies. Electricity would be out, and it might last til Monday.

Which will suck *future tense, hope not*

Hmm, I can always bring out my sketchpad and draw or play my guitar. Sigh. I think I've entirely left my artistic pursuits for this year.

~~~

Kotoba ni naritagaranai kimochi ga arimasu
Hito ga ikura te o nobashite mo Hito no naka ni todokanai basho ga aru
Koe ni naranai hitori hitori no omoi ga suki dakara
Nanika ni naranakute mo itsu no hi de mo kawarazu

I'm tired. The above paragraph accurately describes what I feel about some aspects of this year.

Ah well. Moving along.

My RAN Online alter-ego, Kerberos, has been the only senior going online the past few days. Senior meaning, I have a position in the gang (or guild) I'm in, called the Pirates. Yeap, it's probably based on the One Piece anime and the founders used to have the same guild in Ragnarok Online (I dunt play that game).

Anyway, here's the thing about it all. Every Wednesday/Saturday at 7:00 pm, at ingame event happens, which is the Club Wars. Each gang has an opportunity to conquer an E-room which belongs to each of the three schools (Sacred Gate, Mystic Peak, Phoenix) plus a neutral area (Trading Hole).

Conquering means getting in there and authenticate for your gang on a console long enough that the system recognizes you to be the owner of the said room. The catch? Everyone else not not in your gang or alliance can KILL you. So it is pretty much a gank fest in there (or running away from a sweeper or power-type swordsman).

You'd pretty much be dead if you're not high-leveled enough because it's all about 1-hit kills. Yes, I'm easily 1-hit killed myself (and I can 1-hit kill quite a few as well).

Now what do you do to win the event? Only two things. By sheer numbers (of people in a gang or alliance), or by tactic. If you don't have the numbers, you certainly have to go by a strategy. You have to direct every other player where to go and who will escort you towards the mainframe where the authentication takes place.

You have to keep your wits in the heat of the battle and over a pile of dead bodies. Once your party couldn't stick together, chances becomes lesser to conquer an E-room obviously. Here you'll find out the demeanor of each and every party member. Who charges without thinking, who is cautious, who can last for more than 5 seconds, etc.

It's pretty much a grandiose spectacle, most especially when the gang meets an opposing hated gang XD downhill from there hehe

In other news, two new servers are going to be up mid-December. Might go in one and try a new build. :)

~~~

Last night, as my mind was swirling in a torrent of mad musings about stuff (nothing new), it just ... snapped. No, I didn't go crazy.

It's just that, I felt myself smirking -- I'm happy :) just in time for Christmas even.

I was trying to get a picture of a female colleague's ass (not for any sexual disrespect mind you, I just think it's really appealing -- okay it does sound disturbing that I did it). I'm not sure why that appeals to me a lot, probably some genetic stimulus in my brain. It's enhanced by the fact that she has a petite body and a pretty face.

I used to say I'm a face person. Yet whenever I think about having to do it with someone whose thighs are larger than mine (for example), my mind goes blank -- it doesn't want to go on. Heck, I can claim I'm an averagely rational person and have gone beyond having preferences based on skin or of the more visually stimulating physical aspects (hee hee). But if rationale doesn't come visit when these thoughts come into my head, I feel disturbed. Fortunately, not enough to make me go bonkers.

Okay, alright. Superficiality is inborn. It probably is a driving force in most of the male genome. Sometimes when I hear women saying that men never really got out of the ape stage, they're being unfair. I mean we didn't ask to be this way did we? More to the point, there probably is some evolutionary reason why it is so. We're unique creatures, yes, able to build societies and make inventions, but we're still bound to the million year-old genetic makeup that determines what we are.

I mean heck, we can't probably stop being human all of a sudden just to fulfill a pure directive or ideology that practically supersede our built-in instincts. Ah well, that will be a thought for another day.

Oh, btw, I wasn't successful getting the picture. Bleh :p

December 2-3, 2006

Transpo Option 1 : If we can look for a van rental that will take us there, it would be better. Feel free to suggest, let me know if you
know if any van rentals.
Transpo Option 2: Victory Liner Bus Caloocan station
December 2
4:30am - ETD, Victory Liner Caloocan
8:30am - ETA, San Antonio, Zambales
8:30am - ETD via trike goin Pundaquit Beach
9:00am - ETA Pundaquit Beach
10:00am -ETA, Anawangin Cove
10:00am - Late Breakfast, set up campsites, rest..swim!

December 3
*Early trek to Mount Pundaquit
5:00am

Afterlunch, break camp.


Budget:
Bus - P207 (one way) x2 - P414
Trike - (tbd), halimbawa po P40 x2 - 80 (halimba lang po per person)
boat - P500 back and forth (good for 4 people) 62.50
-----------------------
TOTAL TRANSPO (back and forth) P556.50 (subject to change, need to finalize the trike rate)

FOOD Budget
*depends on you guys
Packed Breakfast and Lunch for Dec 2
Dinner - sa beach po magluluto
Breakfast (dec3) - Beach
Lunch - Beach ulet

NEED TO BRING:
tents
sleeping bag
drinking water (may poso daw dun)
cook set (your cook set must be good for four)
stove

CONFIRMED:

melvin
anche
paolo
joy
tiff
dash

Supposed to be productive today.

But ended up not able to think. Drat. December does things to me. Namely get haunted by a lot of not so good things that happened every time that month comes. I know it all already passed by, but makes me think that somewhere out there, someone is holding a voodoo doll with my name on it.

Javascript. Webflow. JSP.

My mistresses that will accompany for the months to come. Sigh. Somebody save me from me. Bring me out of the darkness and lead me to fields of placidity and calmness. Find me what my heart yearns for in these times of despair and anguish. Breathe not into my mind thoughts of hopelessness and desolation. Amidst this wilderness of deceit, confusion, and chaos, let me settle in a place of warmth and belonging. Where I may not dwell in misery but cherish in healing tired bones and knotted muscles.

Aw, Quentin, shut up, lol.

Ah, the days when I was as mushy as a highschooler. Now that I'm cynical, sarcastic, and obnoxious, it sort of feel nostalgic, lol. Enjoy ridiculing me ~_~

Paano ko ba sasabihin sa yo?
Na hindi ako matututo kung
Gaganyanin mo ako
Na kahit ulit-ulitin mo pa
Ang sinabi mo nung gabing yon
Wala pa ring mangyayari

Ewan ko ba, makakalimutin talaga ako!

Wala sa aking kapangyarihan
Ang baguhin ang mga nangyari na
Magagawa ko lang ay sabihin sa yo
Na di ko rin ginusto yun
Kumbaga, di ko kayang patigilin ang ulan
Di ko kayang paarawin kung makulimlim na

Kase nga, ito lang ang mga magagawa ko

Ang intindihin ka tuwing di mo ko kinakausap
Ang bigyan ka ng lugar para mag-isip
Ang paghintay sa yo kung kelan di ka na galit
Ang lumapit sa yo pag medyo di pa nawawala ang toyo mo
Ang pagsubaybay sa oras na kailangan mo ko
Ang sabihin sa yo na ikaw ang pinakamagandang babae sa mundo ko
Na kahit wala ka sa tabi ko, ikaw ang iniisip ko
At ikaw ang hinahanap ko kahit walang dahilan

(removed more stupid lines here)

Will be going on a trip to that place with some ex-officemates. We're camping and trekking to some mountain :) I'm excited.

Hopefully, my health would be enough to do such a thing. Heck, I'm pale! And thin. And wasted =_= (okay enough self-pity for now)


This is one of my favorite pictures back in Palawan, and I've used this picture on this blog more than twice. And yes, that's Joy over there (hmf, feel naman ng lola, haha)

Next year, I want to go to Cebu again with the boys. That place is fun.

On February, it'll be Bora on Valentines. Well not finalized yet but the idea is sooo exciting.

This blog has been LACKING quality entries. Finally found one and honestly, I feel excited that I found her bloggy. This is from Joy, an ex-officemate of mine. And yes, she has a strong personality and very opinionated.

And before anyone thinks I'm feminist, let me give a more proper term. I'm an individualist.

She also holds my career in her hands should I croak, lol.

~~~

Men rule the world, women rule the men.
- Sherry Argov (from the book Why Men Love Bitches)


I've been dying to share my thoughts on the question - "Should a woman propose to a man?" Maybe this has something to do with me reading this book of Sherry Argov lately (which by the way so much fun to read maybe because I can relate most of the time to her scenarios and examples ).

Well, being in a conservative culture, I defer to a general impression that only men do marriage proposals. BUT, I also say it doesn't mean women can't.

Err...wait a minute. For a moment, I forgot I am a Filipino woman. The customs and traditions on matters of settling down are still around the corner. I am not against them by the way. I am not just a conformist. Maybe I should rephrase my question - Can a Filipino woman propose to a man?

Pardon the discrimination but our generation has not surpassed successfully this adage over practicality and equality.

Seems odd, isn't it? When let's say you have found or at least you thought that you have found the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, you decided to try to pop the question,"Will you marry me?" or "Would you like to be my husband?" (Hmn...I also wonder if a woman proposing should prepare a romantic setting plus an ENGAGEMENT ring Hell, you are going to buy your own engagement ring...unless of course you want your man goin around with diamonds too!) .

Funny, but hey...I am not so sure if this is something you will be proud of,with your family and friends potentially thinking "ey woman, u look desperate!"

Is it?

So a woman proposing will look desperate and a man will not?

So women should wait. Until men finally make up their minds.

No. That doesn't seem FAIR.

We are undoubtedly in the age of equality. Modern times also call for modern thinking. We have accepted that women can ask men out for dates, pay the bills, flirt and seduce them....so why not take the lead as well in proposing marriage?

We are career-oriented women who spark competition in a male-dominated society. We no longer stay at home and be on a 24/7 service-oriented domestic career. Not that I am against being a housewife, but the point is....we like to do more than women of the previous generations.

I try to be a woman of our times. I know what I want. I seek and try to conquer what is there for me to rule. And I can say, I have other things to busy myself with than preoccupy err...ratlle my peace about the idea of settling down. However, I also look forward to having my own family . And if you think you are with someone who doesn't share the same idea, who looks at the future bleakly on the idea of having children, who after a period of being together still uncertain whether you are the "ONE", then why allow that person to waste your time? When there are other OPPORTUNITIES out there - be it a career, a new place to go, or another man you deserve.

A woman should know if her time is being wasted. Biological clock sucks...we can't deny the fact that we could die giving birth, nine months of looking ugly and we still have other prime responsibilities to look after our husbands as well.

To answer this question, a woman should propose ONLY if she is 99% sure that she is prepared to be a wife and a mother, and the remaining 1% if you think you have found "The One". Not the other way around. Para ka lang pipikot nyan, with panache.

And the same consequences apply: prepare to be rejected. I would rather be rejected than get a YES and I will unknowingly make a runaway Groom. Of course, same conditions should be considered prior proposal - like getting hints if you and your guy are on the same page. But if he is a commitment-phobic a**hole, then maybe take some time to visit St. Jude prior you come up with a plan.

Whether you get a favorable result or not, as long you as you have done your part, you move on. You better do. And don't let it hamper you for knowing and getting what you want. His loss. Not yours.

I always tell a friend, there is always a disadvantage for women when they choose to settle down late. The biological clock works against our many options. So better know what and when you want it. Otherwise, don't waste time...do what you got to do..and move on.

"Oh but I had an elder sister."

Alice 'the Malice' said while I'm looking somewhere else while sipping a drink. "Ah, finally, something about yourself."

Alice: Would you believe that my parents wanted me to be like her?

Me: Uhm, that sorta sucks.

Alice: Tell me about it. Back then, I had to do what they wanted. Until the day I said 'No'.

Me: I think I know what's next.

Alice: Really? Try me.

Me: That's why you have this bar isn't it? Something to tell for all that you wanted to happen for yourself.

Alice: Haha, yes! and no :)

Me: Then I think I'm too lazy to hear the reasons ;)

Alice: Okay, okay. I love her to bits you know? My sister? But I needed to do this for myself. I had to get out from being ... under her shadow. Under everyone's shadow.

At this time my head is reeling from the drink and all the English (puede ba mag-Tagalog ka? haha)

Alice: So, I had this bar.

Me: Then I'm right.

Alice: The other is that, an easy life with them troubles me. I don't want to stagnate, I wanted to learn. I hated seeing the same old thing. Yeah, I missed the things I used to have. But the thrill makes it up for it.

Me: ~urk~ (looking for the men's room)

Alice: Heh, heh. Looks like it's time for you to go home. Next time, I'll grill you as usual.

Me: Uh, yeah.

Back to Boni.

An officemate gave me this link. And well, I love going thru sites like those.

Remembered the figure studies I made myself in one of my sketchbooks. I realized that how a person sketches a figure can tell much about the personality of the artist. Whenever I draw, my lines are always clear, has no fuzziness, and distinct. I wanted to capture the essence of a view in the least lines possible.

Ofcourse, when a line goes in the wrong direction, it somehow spoils the overall picture. Hmm. I think I miss my sketches :(

Went to a forum I used to go to a lot last night.

Tried to look for old friends that still post, but my blurry eyes couldn't see any. And I'm not into digging old threads to bring it up.

One of the threads that caught my attention though, is entitled "Quitting A Relationship When Everything's Going Well". The guy broke up with her gf because he felt that he couldn't meet up with her demands. Okay maybe not exactly like that. More like a case that she loves him more than he loves her, in a self-destructing way. That if he ever breaks up with her, she'd do something foolish. I would think the girl has a few screws loose, and the guy just felt being held up a wall.

You ask why it caught my attention? Because I used to be in that kind of situation. Fortunately, my woman was far from doing anything foolish (she has a very strong personality tho). But I just couldn't take it when she goes something like, "If you don't do this, then you don't love me enough."

...

That breaks my heart.

I felt pressured to live up to what she wants. At the end of the day, I only felt tired for having to put up with it. And so, I was unhappy. I have faults to consider too, because back then I don't know how to speak up. All I did was to do what she wanted, and never really told her how I felt. Besides that, I wouldn't know what to do once I know what's wrong. I just simply took it all instead of making it work. But the biggest, biggest fault in me is that simply, I went into something when I'm not even ready for that kind of commitment.

The replies in the thread I was reading is telling the same thing. I only hope I don't have to relearn it all again.

~~~

I went to another thread about a popular forum poster finally breaking up with her beau. The thread starter is an old forum poster so I recognized the name. I also know some itsy bitsy pieces of the person behind it. While everyone is giving sensible replies , compassionate words and long paragraphs of encouragment, at the last post I wrote something nonsensical:

You only lost 4.5 lbs?

Was trying to be funny at somebody's expense. Ah, I felt like my old self :)

"You will always miss 100% of the shots you didn't take"
- Wayne Gretzky

Nice.

I'm not sure why it's my favorite Black Eyed Peas song.

Probably because of the beat which makes it fun to hear. Nonetheless, whenever I hear it, it makes me think.

I don't I've ever been lied to in the gravest sense. I'm lucky to have people around who are sensible about those sorts of things.

What I do encounter more often, is being told partial truths. I know people are not mandated to tell everything. But only knowing part of what is real just gives me headaches. Why? Because you tend to fill in the pieces yourself, and if it comes out wrong, you can only blame yourself. Sucks.

One thing I can blame about myself, is that I don't ask a lot about matters that are personal. I consider it really to be something that has to be done by the other party's own volition. And that becomes my blindside. There are things I will never know about a person, nor will ask, unless I feel utterly compelled to ask about it.

With that in mind, I feel the act of trying to know a person only by their friendster testimonials (or stalk the places they go to) to be unfair. Know the person up front. Because the best person to represent him/her, is himself/herself. How they talk, how they react, what ideas they have. And if the person is only reacting for each initiative you do, then stop. Disinterest is a tiring master.

Ah well, my opinion anyways.

As I walked to MRT Shaw to get a bus ride home, I passed by the outdoor cafes in Shangri-la ... and found myself gazing at the face of a woman for more than 5 seconds.

It's you.

The one whom I got my guitar. The one whom I named it after.

Didn't had a chance to say hi because I was half-denying it's really you. My feet continued on ... my mind left a trail of daydreams.

Ah well. I'm already 10 feet away. Back to reality.

Just when I thought I could see the outside world again.

I was taken off my current tasks, and has now been given a brand new BIGGER task. And I have 23 days to complete it.

When I began doing it, I felt weakened. Why? Because it is the most difficult thing I've ever done in my whole IT career.

In a fictional analogy, I'm tasked to turn a cyborg into a human. But right now, all I can see myself doing is that I'm creating a Frankenstein. Yeah I can have help, but the effort will still be up to me.

Feels like a deer staring at the incoming headlights -- *wham*

Disaster about to happen. Will I pull it off? Who knows. Expect my funeral.

~~~

In other news, I have no news.

*listens to Good by Better than Ezra*

Hated that it only lasted 3 rounds. Oh well, better fights to come. And boy, do I love fighting.

Kerberos is level 132!

I was awake up until 2am last Sunday night.

My body clock seems to tick permanently like that. But anyway, some things I just wanted to take note:

- was watching a vid by Jessica Simpson. To be honest, I never liked the way she is, ever. She gives me an impression that she's a ditsy chic and all that. Her mouth looks weird when open (lol). But last night, I watched her "I Belong To Me" video, and all that's in my mind was -- man, she's beautiful. It probably is the glow, or the setup, but when her face switches from serene to anguish and back to serene, it's like I realized something about what she can do (act?) that I haven't realized before. Okay I'll just give props to the director of that vid. Though it never changed the fact that her mouth looks weird when open (lol).

- let it be said that Helen Hunt is one of my favorite actresses. And despite her age I think she's also the most attractive actresses imho. Watched "As Good As It Gets" with her starring with Jack Nicholson, and well, I'm highly entertained by the movie. That's to say I haven't watched it before *tee hee*.

"You make me want to be a better man"

Yeah, even though I could sense the spoiler in there (because hey, I read the line before I saw the movie), it wasn't at all diminished because I didn't know what context it was used for. So when I knew that Jack was using it to complement Helen, I went something like, "Cool, so that's how it was used". It wasn't a pickup line or a phrase uttered in a mad heat of passion. No, it was a complement, something that one could give in utmost sincerity magnified by the fact that it was original (or was it?). And a well-given complement can do wonders at how you could make people feel good about themselves. Power of words eh?

The second complement Jack delivered was also as compelling as that one liner. It's no different from what I used to do. What is it you ask? Simply this -- the fact that I could realize the best things in someone what everyone else is taking for granted. Even all those imperfections don't diminish anything. Ah well, guess I'll reserve that thought for a time to come.

- I was supposed to make a 'Sorry' reply today. Because you know, I've been cutting off all contact with the outside world the past months. I was supposed to make a list of all my friends I haven't come in touch with and say what's good about them (and maybe a bit of what annoys me hehe) and say sorry for having left all of them out. Heck, even mom was suspicious why I wasn't coming home for months XD Then again, I got lazy and well, y'all still love me dontcha? Aw, y'all so sweet *mwaz mwaz*

"When one is cursed, two graves are done".

When I first saw the trailer for this in Animax, my first impression was that it's a horror/suspense anime. Quite a mile away from the usual mix of mecha and fire balls and the cutesy stuff. I thought it was made because of the emergence of novel Japanese films like The Ring. But as I gradually went by episode by episode, I found myself quite intrigued.

When I watched the first few, I already saw a pattern:
- someone wants revenge
- Emma Ai, aka "The Hell Girl", will offer a chance for instant vengeance, i.e. the subject will be immediately sent to hell (maybe after a few moments of torment)
- Emma will also explain the price -- that the one who invoked the vengeance has his/her soul sent directly to hell as well. A black straw doll with a red string will be given as the trigger.
- at the last moments, the red string is pulled off
- the subject is sent to hell

This is sort of justified by the fact that the people who were sent to hell were understandably horrible people. That by moral standards, are deemed "evil".

Emma Ai, would go, "You have caused men great pain and suffering. I will show you what death is". Subsequently followed by a visual sequence of her ferrying the victim on a river flowing in a bleak landscape.

Sounds boring and predictable right?

Then what if the person whom vengeance will be layed upon is not really deserving of the punishment? Enter a journalist whose daughter can see through the eyes of Emma trying to stop all these people from pulling the red string that binds the contract with the hell girl. A teacher with good intentions for his student ... a responsible mayor who has to deal with danger at every turn ... these were the subject of vengeance by people who has a narrow-minded view of the situation.

The part that intrigues me as well, is the history of Emma herself. In one of the series epilogues, there seems to be a part that will say something about the hell girl.

Stay tuned.

Downed a tequila shot.

"So, just how long will you stay that way?", says Alice 'The Malice'. "You don't drink to drown your troubles. You drink because it's there ~_~"

"Or when I don't want to think at all", I said.

"Bah. You're always full of stuff in your head", she replied. "Ever since I saw you walk into this, well shady bar of mine, I knew you'd be a weirdo".

"Uh, thanks. I guess"

"You're not a loser down on his luck, that much is certain", Alice grinned while wiping off a glass. "You're a buffoon who couldn't figure it all out. Or you did figure it out, it's just that you're too insolent to do anything about it".

"Ah. Bingo" I downed another tequila. Blech.

Heh. I love her accent. Sounds Brit, but I can't be certain. I usually don't come to her bar in Makati often. Maybe three or four times a year lately. She's a missable person, always inquisitive and sarcastic. Well, maybe just on me.

"You'd better go back y'know". She rolled her eyes, then quickly added, "Wouldn't want to send you off again in a taxi drunk and rolling".

"But I love rolling."

"If pavements are made of cotton I reckon".

"Uh, what were we talking about again?" I said laughingly.

We used to have late night debates about everything. She's pretty smart to stay in a place like where she is now. Heck, she has a law degree I think. But I never did ask her about herself. Or perhaps she never really did say anything about it. It's fun though, to sometimes have me as the object of ridicule.

She gave me a mean stare.

"Okay, let's talk another time", I said, while walking out the door.

For a moment I thought about other things. Then I thought I heard her from behind, "I'm not keeping tabs on you, you nincompoop".

"Oh, hehe. Right. That ^_^"

According to research, a typical human being is completely reborn every seven years.

This is when every cell in the body has been completely replaced. So you could say that you're a new you after seven years. Ofcourse that happens in a period of time, and while that happens, another new you is being made in the process.

Yet is it not intriguing that while your body continually dies and reincarnates, you're still you -- the personality, the memory, everything. Yeah there will come a time that brain cells would die by the thousands everyday yet, in effect, nothing really changes the way people perceive you as.

That brings me to a situation. When a person dies, people would grieve. People consider the body as the wholeness of the person who is identified with it. But can we really consider the body as the person knowing that the spirit has left it (this is for the purposes of a belief in body/spirit)? We also consider the spirit as a representation of the person. But then, if we put the two side by side we consider the spirit as the identity of the person instead of the body.

Queer. Is it simply because the spirit is capable of movement or communication (again, assumption based on general belief)? That an inanimate body cannot be an accurate or believable representation?

Let's take a different approach. Consider a person. His arm has been cut off. We can't say that the arm is the 'person'. We consider it to belong to the 'part' that can still speak and move. But let's say we cut off the head. And the head can still speak (but can't be capable of mobility). I'm pretty sure we'd consider the head to be the person and not the body. Even if the body could move on its own, we'd still consider the head to be the 'person'.

This brings me to a point that, as to where the mind resides, that would be considered the full, if not whole, representation of the person. We consider the ghost as the person, we consider the head as the person. Perhaps it's more of question of where sentience resides.

We've come a long way from being one-celled organisms that just split and duplicate. Ah well, I refuse to think that hard. I've got work to do.

Well, looks like summer plans are working by itself. And as usual, I'll just be hitching for a ride. If it comes to fruition, ofcourse I'll bring Grace along.

I need to buy myself a new laptop (a really powerful one) and a digicam. I'd love to make pictorials of the sights and sounds as well as faces I'll see. Weeeeeee

(Encore rehash of unrelated pictures o_O)


Hawak kamay
Di kita iiwan sa paglakbay


Dito sa mundong itong walang katiyakan
Hawak kamay
Di kita bibitiwan sa paglalakbay


Sa mundo ng kawalan ...

(Sorry, that song has been ringing in my ears ... not that I didn't want it to)

Okay, enough of that.

(listens to Gone Going by Black Eyed Peas feat. Jack Johnson)

It was past 12, just arrived at the condo.

Decided to eat some snack (uh, cook it first). My usual routine is lounge on the couch, watch some cable while munching on something. But tonight I decided to eat some pancit canton (uh, carbo).

I left the water boiling in the pot while watching. Didn't turn on the lights in the living room. As I was walking around the sink I noticed the stink of cat poop. And everywhere I go I think it's following me. Did I step on it? Check -- no.

I immediately looked for NT to give the kitten-cat a mean stare. But as usual, NT just looked oblivious and playfully pawed the dangling laces on my shorts (scratched my legs). I looked under the table, in the bathroom (where she usually poops) but didn't find it. And *still* the poopy smell assaults me wherever I go.

And then a horrible thought visited me. I went to the couch, and since the lights weren't turned on, I groped. Sure enough, the pastry was there -- and it's on my hand. When I looked in the mirror, it's on the back of my polo shirt. Looks like I lied on it =_=

The situation dawned on me. Here I am, cat poop in hand, cat poop stain on shirt, supposed to eat something while I smell like, well, cat poop deciding what to do. I decided, to hell with cat poop, imma gonna eat. Washed hands, washed shirt, ate the pancit canton while the whole situation playing repeatedly in my mind. Heck, under normal circumstances I should've barfed or lost my appetite. How's that for a gut of steel?

There's still the matter of the tainted couch though. I've decided to let my roommates deal with it in the morning. I'm going to sleep *hee hee*

I've noticed that I'm always in a hurry these days.

Not enough time to do this. Not enough time to do that. And to squeeze it all in, I have to hurry up the pace. At the back of my mind, I know something will break if I continue doing this. And I know that I'm missing on a lot of things because of the situation I've put myself into.

Two months.

Man, looks like I never let a day pass by without doing a lot of things. Just what am I in a hurry for? The answer would probably be the demands of my work. But isn't that the very thing I used to detest? That I should work to live and not live to work? What makes it worse is that I really have no reason to work hard. Last time I did say I have a reason but I realized that's not it at all. I'm not in dire need. I'm not doing this to prove anything or anyone. I'm not in intellectual hunger. Heck, I haven't even reignited my ambitions in life. It's like I'm zombified. Shouldn't I have a motivation for all of this? A compelling force that drives me?

What's even worse than that is that it's only my mind that's fussing about it all. Sort of like, fighting a ghost that is not there. Or summoning one just so I have a reason for a scare.

Sigh. Can't say I'm going insane. I think I'm pretty much immune to that. Or am I? o_O woo

I was just minding my own business.

And before I knew it, you entered my life. But you came when I am tired of the world around me. Work, home, cafe ... that's the only routine I have everyday.

Yet you came.

I wish I was in a happier condition to welcome you. Sorry if I did something unexpected. You make me happy. Even without you knowing. I looked at your eyes with wonder, and I really find your passive indifference kinda cute. And you make yourself more endearing by your playfulness. You weren't cruel though. Surprisingly, you were gentle and warm.

And for the first time, I uttered your nick name, "Hello, NT"

That is, after my roommate formally introduced me to you. It's been so long since I met someone like you. And I liked you unconditionally.

Last night, I tried gazing into your big eyes. I think you were timid :)

"Hi, NT."

I think you smiled but I couldn't be certain. Still you go with that cute indifference. Like this world is but one big grassy hill for you. Without any inhibition, I touched your cheek.

I am certain of myself that way.

Oh but I couldn't forget the first words you said to me. And you said ...

"Meow".

(We have a pet cat at the condo :) yay! Her name NT is short for Nine Tails. I think I'll call her Kyuubi myself)

Saddam Hussein will die. And the world is watching.

Yes he killed innocent people, and by all rights, his death will appease the blood thirst of vengeful survivors. Yes, I don't know what it's like to have loved ones die before my eyes, and for that I really don't know anything. I will never ever know the rage and anguish of the horrors he has caused.

But I am free to say what I wish. And may I say, one death won't ever justify for a hundred others -- Saddam is no Christ. There never is justice in death. Only more death. Only more sorrow.

This place is going to be a very uninteresting blog til the end of the year. Lots to do, and lots of people whom I'm losing in touch with. Wheeee ...


Building a mystery ...

Hehe, I'll be gramps age real soon.

I would've thought I'd be having some old-man skin by now, but it seems it's not happening yet.

Looked at the mirror and the only real wrinkle I could see is the part between my eyebrows. Must be because of the conniptions I get from everyday work, but it's still not enough to make me look like an old man.

Knotted eyebrows are the only facial expressions that require a lot of muscle effort on my part. I don't have crows feet or that lines on each side of the nose.

My eyes have sunk though, from lack of sleep. And that would probably make me look like a maniac or something.

Btw, Keane has a pretty good album. Found myself listening to it all day. Oh yeah, I have a new batch of mp3s. Yay.

He who reigns within himself and rules passions, desires, and fears is more than a king.
- John Milton

Decided, to my better judgement, not to come to work yesterday.

I probably am being abusive of myself. First symptom: my ailing respiratory system (my immune system must have weakened). I did a similar abuse before, and got my left lung swollen (my heart too? said doctor).

So before I do further damage, all I did yesterday was sleep for about 18 hours total. Yeah, I used to be a sleep monster. Nowadays, it seems sleep is my enemy. I felt like I needed to do a lot of things. But you know, there's only so much I can do with these two hands and a brain.

~~~

Btw, watched GITS: Innocence last night.

I guess I was expecting something else and ignored that it probably is another mental trip (which it was). I got bored and ate dinner before I finished watching.

However, it did reignited my interest with literary works. Hence, John Milton quote above. You know the stuff they did is in English but for some reason, is a bore to understand. But when you do begin to speak with the tongue of the masters, it feels like a whole new awakening altogether.

It's almost like everything you see and feel right now are shallow and simple.

Or maybe I'm just wired to feel that way, I dunno. Heck, not sure if I'm up there to say with authority about these things.

Ah well

*cough*

Time to get some C's.