Woo-hoo! Got my skills assessment result, and might I say, I'm in. Read that? I'M IN, NOW SUCK IT WORLD!

Alright, next step would be visa application.

Hmm, I think I read somewhere that I can just send the IELTS result at a later date and send them the receipt for it instead. Now wut else. Oh yeah, gotta update my resume and employee certificates.

Makes me think though. If I get my visa, and do get there, I'll be facing my auntie. Next to mom, she's the family matriarch and controls big decisions in the clan. Incidentally, I'm one of her favorite nephews.

I'm pretty sure she heard what I've been doing lately. If I confront her, I won't hold back -- I won't expect her to understand. Besides, she needs family over there, and I'm the only one capable enough to do so.

Haven't mentioned though, none of my family know of my plans going there. Sure I was mentioning of taking a 'tourist visa' and visit her 'five years' from now. All they knew was that I was planning to finance a house here in Mandaluyong or Pasig somewhere where I will 'settle' down.


Can you smell it? Huh? CAN YOU SMELL IT?

When I'm bored, I sometimes go to Ministop or 7-11 and buy a drink I am not familiar with. Today's experiment is STING. It has ginseng. And citric acid. And ascorbic acid. And caffeine. And now, I am palpitating. Woo-za!

Sigh.

There are things you cannot escape. Things you are born with, and just couldn't shake it off. I'm constantly banging my head just to be sure I am still in my right mind. But damn.

Have I lost this much love?

Blatantly putting it, have I become apathetic and really, really mean? Worse, have I become indifferent? Oh wait, I think it's the same thing. Nonetheless, whenever I explore the fact that I no longer cared ... I dunno, I felt something is wrong with me.

Then my other self would reply, "Dude, nope. These are one of those instances where the situation has made you. The world is 50/50 boy. You shape mountains, mountains fall over you ..."

Sometimes I'd like to strangle myself. Pero ayoko. Masakit e, hehe.

One thing's for sure. I have no idea what sort of talk I'll have with my auntie.

And another thing. It's not over. Sweet mercy. Uuuuuggghhh.

I came to work today.

But I'm absolutely sure I can't be focusing 100%. Anyway, one of my officemates, Joie came in later the day. We had lunch together, and well, it's nice that I was able to finally have someone I could talk about family stuff. Not necessarily asking for advice, but you know, some bottled up things that need to be said just so you could sort them out. Anyway, I've always had an impression she has wisdom that I still haven't gained yet, so it's a learning session as well.

It's also refreshing that she understands how people like me think, at least that's the impression. Sort of like Alice, minus the nonsensical, bitchy lines (uh-oh, batu-bato sa langit). I'm not considering myself a fully-artistic type of person, but yeah, I have similarities with people of the stereotype. But a lot of many differences as well. At least I'm not at the extreme end of the spectrum.

Birds with the same feather, that don't flock together? Hehe! I guess we like keeping stuff to ourselves. Perhaps the only gratitude I could give is help her on some front end stuff.

~~~

Ah! Season 2 of Honey and Clover is going to be shown on Animax! The only anime with cute characters that I actually watch. Because you know, they're not Hello Kitty cute, but more of hilarious kind of cute. And it's not sappy too!

I also like taking in bits and pieces of subtle lines here and there. It's really cool.

Alright, emo week is over! I'm itching to post something that actually have some substance. Enough of the endless, downward spiral of personal issues. It's a big world out there!

My mind was wondering off one time at work, and the thing that came to my head was "Filipino slurs".

Yeap. I mean, we sure have slurs for other races, not necessarily hateful but something fun to say. Now I wondered, what happens in the reverse. This idea came originally when me and my officemates were going out for lunch one time, and it came out in a conversation.

For a list of them slurs, not just for Filipinos, click on the Racial Slurs Database.

In a way, you'll discover how cultures derive things. Read and be enlightened (or outraged).

Anyway, back to Google, I came upon a link filled with book titles about Filipinos. What piqued my interest was immigrant life in the US. As we all know, the US is the greener pasture to most of us here. At least that's the usual general impression -- the place where big dreams come true.

I, for one, am more perceptive. Wherever you go, whatever you do, there is always struggle. But it's up to you how to take it, either gladly or grudgingly, you choose. I never believed in get-rich-quick schemes. To me life is an endeavor continually being polished and refined. But, as reality goes, there are things you have to accept. Not all hard working people go to the top, and sometimes, out of pure luck a seemingly oblivious, flaming idiot is up there in the sky. But that's not the point now, is it? I'm more interested what how these can make a person -- and how it can make me.

For the mentioned link, go to Our Own Voice.

I have always been interested in several cultural topics, most especially ones that are set in the not so distant past. Sort of like a connection with our grand parents we can now only half-remember. What was their life like? What is life like in a time and place where it is not home?

I for one, need to ask those questions.

This is the most abnormal sleep cycle ever.

I slept past 7:00pm woke up past 12:00am, then tried sleeping 3:00am. Now my eyes feel like it's burning hot. Ouch.

In those wee hours I couldn't sleep because inside my head is a battleground of multiple "me". Yes, I have an imagined multi-personality disorder. I think it's harmless, but the thing is, it gives me great headaches. This is not the first time I blogged about this.

How do I describe this ... lemme see

The only way I could vividly tell how it goes on is to give them aspect names. The dreamer, the philosopher, the pessimist, the child, the artist, the first born, the optimist, the practicalist (?), and some others.

One of them speaks, another one analyzes, the other one objects, someone then interrupts and comments that "everything is ok". And so on. I think it would've rendered some other person of weaker mind to go crazy. But not me. If I was doing drugs, then yes, I would go crazy :P

You know you're not a simple person when you don't just talk about things ... but rather, you talk about ideas. I'm not sure why I'm the only one in the family who thinks sooo differently from the rest. It's a blessing and a curse I tell you. Maybe I'm a mutant o.O





~~~

Oh well, I'm in philosopher personality this moment. Yes Mark Twain, let's have a talk later.


As my adoptive father once said, "The day we stop looking, Quents, is the day we die." (yeah, it's a movie line)

Lately I've been coming to the office at around 7:30 am to 10:00 am.

Now that is NOT normal.

It's just my body's reaction to certain events. I'll gradually go back to coming to office in the usual 10:00am schedule. Also, the frequency of my postings is also part of my symptom.

Ah, yun lang.

~~~

Will be meeting my mom this Saturday.

These are not good times :(

The duties of the first born will never stop.

~~~

My weird Google hit for today, in accordance to emo week -.-

"but I don't miss you anymore" <-- hehe, yak

Alice was sneering as to how embarrassing it is that I post stuff like this in my blog. She means, the rest of the male population is either drinking beer or something in situations like this while I ... blog like some teeny girl gushing about her puppy love. Even more, most women wouldn't even think about making things like this go public. I couldn't think of anything to say but, "it builds character". Tsaka most people who come here don't know who each other is, assuming people do come here to read my daily rantings.

Ewan.

Sa akin kasi parang reviewer sa exam ito. Kapag may mali, tinatandaan ko para hindi maulit. Or if it's a good memory, sinusulat ko para di ko makalimutan. In short, for the most part this is all really just for me.

The thing is, I don't want a closed world like a private blog would be. Di ako matututo nun.

~~~

In other news, a student of mine posted a poem I made for her months ago. I saw a really cool pic of her holding a bunch of roses, and well, the words just flowed out of me.

Nagtataka nga ako kung ano ibig nyang sabihin ng "dumugo ang ilong" upon reading it. Yun pala daw malalim yung English. I was like, "Nyiiii, okay".

You can find the poem here. Although it's here in my blog too, but I'm too lazy to look for it.

It's rare that any of the poems I make gets appreciated so, it gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside when it does get attention.

I officially declare this week as emo week -.- when the going goes tough, the tough takes photos


Let's start with a banana to prevent hypokalemia


This is our cat in the condo, playing with a shark (yes, a shark). At the inset, she was frightened when wants to take a bite at her paw


This is the view of Ortigas in our newly rented space ... that's San Miguel and Megamall


Another view. My cel cam can't do justice what can be seen with the naked eye.


Eating at Cocorama with my officemates. Notice they couldn't decide what is more delicious ...


I ordered El Bimbo. Yummy sea food :F


If your eyes fool you, I'll tell you now, that is a BIG taco. Guess its size from the person behind it

Last Monday night, I realized I was uncool. Instead of being simply happy for someone, I was extremely selfish. Instead of me listening, it was me who was going on and on about what I want. I've exposed several of my greatest of weaknesses which I try hard to keep in check. Now I'm embarrassed. Those were words I was NOT supposed to tell anyone. Basta na lang lumabas ng di ko iniisip.

Someone did tell me once. Words you say that you didn't think of saying are more often than not, the truest ones.

I don't know about that. What matters more to me is that I've caused unnecessary stress to someone that I sincerely care for. I was trying hard not to think of it, and besides, I am running away in the wrong direction anyway (in a year's time?). What do I say?

But I have to, have to write these thoughts before my mood changes. Because I think they're important.

To top that my heart is broken twice in a row this week. Fate is having a field day doing this to me. I can't buckle now though.

The second one is with my family. This one I couldn't even begin to talk about.

Maybe I should start eating poor, defenseless animals



~~~

Ah, josh it.

I am a prince. I can't afford to be down when there are people depending on me.

~~~

Hmm. I'm working too hard again. Been at the office the whole weekend.

No one is asking me to really. I'm just this train that when I set my mind on something, I'll go rushing on that track ... nevermind the boulders or hapless, poor people tied on the railway.

That'll always be both my greatest strength, and greatest weakness. Gotta be smarter.

It left a bitter taste in my mouth.

A part of me is fighting with myself. The logical, thinking part versus the emotional, passionate part.

Admit it. I was pursuing a dream. And that dream died on me.

The logical, thinking part is saying, "Get over it."
The emotional, passionate part is saying, "Do something!"

For a long time, I've always let logic and sense take over. The part that I let you hear.

But tonight, it stood silent.

Being brave for the things you do does not guarantee that you will always achieve success. Even God never promised that.

~~~

Psst. You.

I don't know if you read this blog of mine but ... don't worry about me.

Kilala kita. You'll feel bad if I feel bad. So I promise not to feel bad. You won't lose me. I promise that too.

I think o.o


Geez, I'm using this picture exactly what I made it for a year ago

~~~

Ahh, this is hard.

I came to office today to finish something very important. It's sorta hard to work with your morale sapped out.

Man ... 8:00pm and counting.

~~~

10:00pm

Finished up until the binding of passenger fields. No validation yet. And haven't done the ticket and payment options.

Still a long way to go.

I feel so tired. I'm calling it a night.

Maybe tomorrow might be good for something aye?

Last night, in a spur of the moment thing, I went with two officemates, Joie and Jericho, to watch the Bourne Ultimatum. We went to Eastwood which is a place I very rarely go to since it's not accessible friendly for people like me.

I never watched the first few prequels but, seeing as I haven't gone out for ages, might as well go along with them. The thing I was working on in the office is hopelessly NOT working anyway.

We bought tickets and there's these funky stubs stapled onto the tickets. Decided to take dinner since it's only about 7:00pm and the movie starts at about 8:10. We were outside the mall when I've mentioned I like to go for something that has Salmon. Jericho suggested Teriyaki Boy (not bad), and coincidentally, the funky stubs were some free orders in that restaurant.

Anyway, I wasn't very talkative since they're not my usual office crowd (they're a bunch of their own). Jericho always makes fun of Joie's age and current relationship status, which I do find funny to laugh about. Then the talk was directed to me. And well, I embarrassingly confessed a few things.

Even though I was telling them a few stories, my mind was stuck to that "It's complicated" relationship status that quite a few people have. I dunno. Even another officemate admitted the same thing before he married his wife. I was in one a long, long time ago, and every time that topic comes up my instinctual response would be is, "Cut the crap. Whether or not you do care for each other, you're just wasting each other's time." Ika nga sa kanta dun sa Dawson's Creek, "is it a yes, or is it sorry?" I mean c'mon. It's wiser to be alone that to be with someone who does nothing while you do everything or some other scenario. It's only really the best alternative to a good, functional relationship.

As it goes, I was young and foolish back then. I'm tired of replaying the scenarios over and over to myself. It's like watching a sappy telenovela and to think I hate watching those :o Anyway, enough of the emo, though it's healthy every once in a while.

Yun, so we watched Matt Damon (whom I also call Chiclet Teeth) do a lot of action stuff in this movie. It's actually more of action than any talk. Having the whole story perhaps already fleshed out in the first Bournes.

Fortunately, I think even if this is the only one you watched you could still get by with the whole story. I haven't fully enjoyed it though. Because one, I'm not a fan of realistic stunts, and second, even though Matt Damon is said to be a good actor, I haven't really found anything exemplary. But that's because of the fact that I hardly watched anything he starred in at all. Oh yeah, there's a third.

We were watching smack dab in front. We were tilting our heads when the action goes from one side or the other. And my eyes ... my poor, poor, eyes.

I was aware that this is a novel-movie tie in. If there's a novel about Bourne Ultimatum, I wonder how you'll be putting all in words those action scenes which comprise about 70% of the movie. Unless you're a speed reader and can visualize stuff from words, might as well just watch the movie.

Still, my point last night was to get out. It's nice to be with people I usually don't hang out with.

What's taking up my nights right now is Spellforce 2.

Damn, I couldn't find any really absorbing games that I had to really look for them and not let their marketing reach me instead :P Anyway, what sucks is that there are too few Vista games still, but so far, the XP games work on my Vista. At least Settlers 2 works.

I used to really devote time to that game about a decade ago. They made a remake of it last year and I said to myself, wouldn't it be cool to revisit old, remade games?

First few missions and I got bored -.-

So that's why I have Spellforce 2. Let's see if it'll keep me entertained for months.

~~~

I was entertaining the idea of moving out of the condo to find a solo place. But yeah, might not be the most practical of ideas.

I'm doing that so I could have more personal space. And away from the infernal floods. I heard there's a third typhoon coming.

~~~

Gee, this AVR on my feet feels warm ... and good :D

~~~

Great. Egay the typhoon is coming. We're being left off early today. 4:00 pm.

Plano ko pa namang mag-stay late. Crappity crap.

Here's a pic of how bad the floods get at our place. This is the Mandaluyong-Boni circle, and that's the Divine Mercy church with the gates. The floods can get deeper still o.O it sometimes have waves


It's a rainy day, it's a rainy day, it's raining outside and I can't go out and play ... why does it have to rain, anyway?
- Sesame Street song

It was nice hearing this band again after The Great Move I did last year. They sort of remind of the Gin Blossoms for some reason.

I haven't had the chance to explore their music though. Because once I like one, I just plop it in my playlist and just let it take over my moods. Come to think of it, I couldn't say Splender had good airplay, nor have I seen any music videos.

Either that or I haven't been watching TV enough (I'm a PC games addict after all).


This is a nature shot in Sagada when I went there last year, the time I created this picture. The lyrics are from the song from Splender.

You can download their songs from the multiply site of this drag queen.

My faves are I Think God Can Explain and Here I Am, There You Go. Don't ask me why.

Enough of the big actresses.

I'm sure you people have encountered actresses that never quite made it big (or had their careers waned or subsequently starred in sucky movies), but you went 'ooh' and 'whoa' in their good acts where they shone like goddesses.

Here are mine:

Jennifer Grey - Dirty Dancing
I actually saw her first in If the Shoe Fits. She had certain angles there that made her a winner in my department. Pity about the nose job though. Not that I was there when it happened.

I'll still remember her as that woman with that alluring glint in her eye.









Catherine McCormack - Braveheart
Incidentally, starring beside Sophie Marceau would've paled her role. But no. Being the wife of William Wallace isn't her only saving glory. To me she was the bomb ... in a peasantish kind of way. Well, at least then. She starred in the zombie flick 28 Weeks Later (was it a zombie flick?)





Tami Stronach - Never Ending Story
The empress that will end all empresses. When I saw her as a kid, I was all so dreamy about her angelic face and voice. I dunno. Even as a kid I had this notion that girls/women should have kind, baby faces. She never had any other movie stint after that though, and concentrated on dancing.

I sent out some inspirational e-mail yesterday. Basically it's about building on your strengths, and differing weaknesses from limitations. It also describes how motivation makes it all work. And well, there's someone I know who, despite the fact that going a long way already, claims she doesn't know her own strengths.

That case boggled me terribly, and at the same time, I find it interesting.

One is that, having gone that far, think of the possibilities of knowing what you are capable of and adding to that. The prospects would be tremendous. I wish I told her, her strength is not exactly easy to say with a word. Sort of like, how you describe a white sheet of paper. It's not exactly a pretty thing, but that's the beauty of it. A blank sheet of paper is potential. In other words, you can be anything. Draw on it, fold it into a paper plane or whatever. Anyway, it's better she finds it for herself though, because whatever I say, in the end it's merely just my opinion.


I, on the other hand, know my strengths at a very young age. And in some way, I built upon them. But being the practical person that I am, I pursued a course that uses analytical thinking. For me to really catch on to my real strengths, I need a push to start the engine. In other words, the motivator for me is from external factors, i.e. I am not self-motivated.

In other, OTHER words, I am a lazy ass.

I need to change my environment if I need something done.

I've decided to listen to instrumental mp3s for today. So incidentally, I'm now listening to Braveheart - OST, composition by James Horner.



I don't want to think much today. So routine work, here I come.

Oh yeah, before I forget, Happy Birthday Nadja! :)

Sea, I'm so ill, I couldn't spell write.

So it'll bee a few more days til I get something good on this blog again.



Damn, I couldn't smell anything anymore. Which is bad.

I know it has been weeks since we did this, just wanted to post some of the good things I do in this life.



One weekend in July, a group of friends decided to be really nice people for a day and went to White Cross in San Juan, Pasig. It's quite a big place for orphans, but there we were, despite the rains and the unknown things that we will encounter on an endeavor that we, more or less, don't have a real grasp at.

I'm not exactly the most generous person on earth. Nor would I claim to be a true philantropist. Heck, I have a questionable moral compass :D Yet, in some little way, I know there's something we can do to make this a bit better. Even for just a day.



Maybe we all need to be like this every once in a while. To not think of ourselves too much. There's a world out there. Way beyond our little sorrows and struggles. It helps in perspective. And in turn, makes us better persons.

Sometimes the world is a terrible place to live in. Especially if, in the dark, you have no hand to hold on, no one to comfort your fears.

Most especially for orphans. Some people just don't know how much blessing they have in their lives. And as such, it's never too far to take things for granted. I know I'm guilty of such. Perhaps tomorrow, I may be guilty of something more. But I do know that I am capable of compassion. That even if I get drowned in my own pit of troubles, there lies in me a good side that is selfless. So don't mind my profile :p


"Be the change you want to see in this world"
- Gandhi

Sometimes I can't see beyond what I do everyday. Office, home, play stuff. I'm generally content, but that doesn't give me warrant to not care.

Have you guys ever tried to drink water left in a mug the day after?

It has an icky taste :p I imagine it's because particles in the air not filtered by the air conditioner somehow gets in the water and mixes with it.

I mean, how does water get contaminated in an otherwise clean environment?

Anyway, I can't imagine people using mineral water plastic bottles as a substitute for a mug. I'm quite sure it gets an icky scent if you use it for more than a day. Must be something to do with what we leave on it from our mouths.

As for me, I always use a metallic mug. Doesn't break, disadvantage is, if contains something hot, I have to be careful.

~~~

Just bought Command and Conquer 3: Tiberium Wars.

I never was a fan of the C&C games, having like several or so titles in the past. I felt it was too much toy-soldierish. Also, military wars don't really intrigue me. Back then it was country versus country (Italy vs. Germany, etc.). I also thought the real people video footage a bit cheap.

Now however, it's a bit different.

They still use real people for the footage (not CGI) but to look a bit more expensive, they used Hollywood actors this time around. It still is no saving grace for me though.

Buuut, I really need to put a game in my laptop. Just so I could try what it's capable of. Sayang naman NVidia 7400 na pang-Eclipse lang :p

Incidentally, C&C3 is one of the few games that say it needs Windows Vista. Which my laptop currently has. I'd say that OS is still young. I hate the fact that whatever you use in XP, will eat twice as much more resources in Vista.

What the hell?