My brother just messaged me if he can stay in our condo during his training. Now this is something that I try hard not to happen. Simply because it feels like I'm being 'invaded'. Yeah, I sound harsh, but really. This brother of mine should have stopped being a baby and learned to rely on himself earlier than he should (he should, having a family at the age of 19).

Argh. I'll kick his nuts. Kick his nuts I will.

Ok edit. Damn it. Make that I'll kick my father's nuts. Kick his nuts I will. My brother is asking for something to help him get by while here in manila. Father has none for him, but he has money for gambling.

The fucker. And I am doubting if 12k for the van rental to Baguio was just his ploy of getting money easy. Heck, that van is partly mine.

I guess I'll never know what cherubim is thinking -- I fear I might be making things worse -_- So, here's something to wash away that letter. This poem was made back in the year 2000, a time when I was trying to garner attention in a forum the only way I know how -- writing poetry. This was written upon the start of the most terrible phase of my life, exactly when I was 23. This time, the poem is not in my perspective ...

~~~

i'll just love you tomorrow
because today
all i want to do is love me
i've been this way and that
given this and taken that
and now i want things to be tidy
so i can find my things where they should be
and that my bruised knees and aching head
won't be much concern for you when i linger

i'll just love you tomorrow
because today
all i want to do is just live in it
where i can just sing aloud
and strum my guitar til my fingers hurt
i want to have enough time
to thank and hug mom for the breakfast
and that one thousand praises
i've been meaning to say to God

i'll just love you tomorrow
because today
all i want to do is prepare loving you
as i pick up the pieces of my past
so i can reflect a better picture of me
then, when i let our hearts embrace
i don't have to let go
and let the tears of years
flow and become flowers

Right now, I remembered that I'm not the only owner of this blog O_O

Yeap people, this blog was supposed to be a collaboration (sans my pathetic pieces :D).

Kinks and mesai, patty-poo and tsilu-poo can post here :} Oi, guys stop being lousy stalkers and post something nifty. Bash me, it's ok :} I'm used to it *heehee*

Just thinking of a review for the last piece of literature I made a couple of posts below. Btw, I think it's best read while listening to Sarah Mahlachlan's song Fallen, which my girl bestfriend just sent me (after sleeping during office hours at the condo hehehe). Looked up the lyrics, but it's not exactly what I mean in the letter :} still Sarah Maclachlan is Sarah Maclachlan, and listening to her is heaven.

I editted the reason why I wrote it. Last night, I couldn't sleep and my head was on a full reboot (don't ask me how this is). I just had to write this letter thingie like my mind was an overflowing cup of water. Wonder if famous writers make their stuff this way. Ahh, it's painful >_<

Simply put, the letter holds my sincerest intentions, and I just let the words come out and form on the keyboards. As usual, I have a sporadic way of writing (write on top, write on the middle, then everywhere) no thanks to the multiple thoughts that I have to write all at once but can't.

I'm not sure if I was able to put it across, but the point of the letter was not to make the addresee fall for 'me' (?) in a technical aspect. The letter was intended for someone who is trying to reach half way. It's sort of a ball game. The ball does not always go the other side of the court so to speak. It's more like a statement saying "THIS IS ME" and "THIS IS YOU" then followed by "WHAT OF IT?". If one would notice, the addresee is made an active part of the letter. In our case, she has a say, unlike say the tales of helpless little Rapunzel up that tower not complaining her hair is getting split ends for all that prince climbing and what not.

Hmm, let me think about that again on another critique entry. Ofcourse real life is a different matter in a way, as this is my melodrama trying to become a fetus :} poetry writing has become boring lately.

The piece is actually an incarnation of another Open Letter made by someone else (she's a genius herself). I was using it as a template for this one, though ofcourse I couldn't recall what the exact words were -- just the feeling that I wanted to attach to the sentences. The last part (italicized) seems a bit out of place. I call it a 'return' thought, one that is used to wrap things up if the undesired ending or reaction comes out of the reader's mind.

All in all, I think I still am a crude writer. Long way to go -_-

I was fancying of submitting this to peyups, but my confidence is too low.

For all my friends out there, forgive me if I post something about Donna today. She was the person I dated last year (the girl with the prettiest lips and perfect teeth I've ever seen).

No, I am not bringing some old affections back here. I'd like to note one other thing that was spectacular about her: her endless optimism. She's reckless and careless about her decisions yes, but she's fearless and unfazed by the things that were happening to her life and how people see her as.

Yeah, I'd like to borrow that optimism today.

I remembered when she messaged me something that's both simple and profound. And that is thinking she was the one who made it (well, maybe).

Have a choice, rather than nothing at all.

It sounds like a haphazard way of making it through life, but if you think about it, the point was to move forward and not waste time sulking in a corner. I gotta remember that one more often.

And regardless of everything that has happened between us, my sincerest wishes for her happiness :}

Well, this was made with cherubim as inspiration (doubt she'll be able to digest all of it though, haha). I'm trying hard to make it look "general", but I guess it became too personal so I won't be spreading this anywhere else. Enjoy.

~~~

To You,

I may not matter much to you now. Nor would I have any guarantees that I will be in the immediate future. It's just I'd like to take your attention ... just this once.

At times we will have something to talk about. Whether it is about you or me, or just about whatever comes to mind that will let you understand me more, or me understand you more, or just for no specific reason at all. But realize that I also want to know if you can understand my silence. Sometimes, it is not that I have nothing to say, but because you being here is statement enough. And that I am hinting that we have something now that will only be spoiled by words, as there is no vocal language in the world that can accurately say how I enjoyed being beside you.

I will never ask for your past. That is for you to decide to tell if needed, for it is really not my business what you were before as it could may not be what you are now. And there may be facts about you that will break my heart or test my beliefs. Yet, be not alarmed about this. I come from an old-fashioned and conservative lot, where women must know how to honor themselves to be worth the long run. Do know that that belief will always be a part of me, but also know that I am not narrow-minded that I will value your dignity over you. In these times when being flashy and cool can help you get laid, I have principles I won't break. As I shall hold respect for you regardless as how you see yourself as. That is my solemn vow.

I have not much care for the material things in the world. They fade, become rusty, get worn off, thrown to the trash, or recycled. So fret not what I have, for it is enough. An extravagant man will always find his coffers wanting at the end of the day, while a wise one will always make a way even if his safes are hollow. I have my own ideas on what is important, and so do you which may be different. It's just that I will never love something that cannot love me back. That is why I will discard in my life things that are unimportant, or less important than you. You are not just a beautiful person to me, for you mean a lot more than that and everything that you have yet to accept about yourself. To believe that though, have courage in yourself as well, and try to verify my words when it has need of truth. Don't throw away your doubts, I may need them so as not to abuse you, but please don't let them poison yourself either, as I can only take so much for having to work to gain your trust.

Sometimes you will see me miserable, or weak, or as unfortunate as it may seem, I may cry. I am not ashamed of it, as a lot of other things about myself I'm not proud of. I am more afraid of being a hypocrite and create illusions of what is really happening. Remember though, to let me fight alone sometimes, for I do not wish to be coddled and become too dependent on you. I will let you fight your own battles too, but I'll be unfair for I will be by your side guiding your arm, and be there for you. Don't forget your own dreams! You are still a person by yourself, and I will not take that away from you. But please give allowance for me when I grieve that you will leave me under that circumstance or otherwise. For sometimes, I dream with you in it, as that is the nature of things.

And lastly, please understand that I cannot be a mind reader. That is why I will need for you to be honest about yourself, that you can tell me straight to my face what is wrong, or what is bugging you. For that, I will try my best to be sensible, and understanding, and patient. Make no mistake; you have power to hurt me with words. But a more painful lash will be words that should have been said but never was. I will strive to do the same for you to constantly remind you that you are worth all this and more.

I have fallen for you -- that is by chance. And now, I have chosen you, a statement even made more powerful when uttered by a person who is giving his best to present himself as the person you need not wait long in your life for. I will constantly invent myself, may it be for you or may it be for myself. I hope so too, that the seriousness of my words will dissipate from my sincerity and our laughter.

I am making this real. I am making it real. Let me make you happy.

~~~

But if my love is rejected, for any reason at all, I'd like to know soonest. For I'd like to keep good memories of you while I walk on ahead until I find someone who will tuck me in her heart. Life is too short to let the pause button pressed for too long.

I'll be forever a fan of Margie-poo :}

Got my US E-1 visa approved today. The consul didn't pose much of a challenge since I think my company has a good record with the embassy anyway. I was already expecting that my tongue will go in knots because I'm basically bored and nervous at the same time (wait, that doesn't seem to sound right).

Had fun last saturday. Just gimme the mic, and I'm a happy noise-maker. Regardless if everyone else has their eardrums bleeding or not.

*listens to Just the Girl by The Click Five*

Let's go to another department in my head. Sometimes when I think about how I approach cherubim, it feels like I'm a student trying to take an exam I didn't study for under a professor who has no interest in letting me pass. Yeap, a part of me thinks so lowww of myself. The other part just keeps on going forward blindly, regardless if I'm stepping on landmines or helpless kittens. Yeap that's the part of me who's a goof in front of a videoke machine. And the other, 'other' part is busy scheming plans or trying to predict what she's thinking or if she's asleep or busy with work (which I use to prevent myself from being annoying). This is the part that proves it is hard work being me.

(I won't name those parts anymore like before -- my condition worsens)

So here I am, doing a little bit of celebration for the visa approval. And the poet is cooking up a line or two at the same time ...

Yesterday, the head HR officer invited me and some other officemates for an orientation meeting on how to deal with the consul at the US embassy. The first thought on my head was, "Bah, I can do this". Overconfident? Perhaps. Some tiny voice is pestering me that here's another example of a canned presentation to whoever it is we'll be speaking no Monday.

Anyway, we had a practice interview and yes, I answered inappropriately to questions like, "What do you do in your company?". I am more adept in casual conversations you see, and formal stuff like this gives me itches. Since I haven't really been using English vocally for the longest time, I was a bit slurred and slow in responding. But a bigger flaw was that I couldn't speak more professionally -_-

Then came the question, "When will you be leaving?"

The appropriate answer for that is "As soon as my visa is approved". Those words came out of my lips with a barely audible crack. The thing is, I don't want to leave just yet ... no, maybe not even this year at least. Not until I have an answer for something ...

- The Click Five
Tabbed by: Sterling Dyar

For cherubim, well supposed to be last December hehe -_-

Intro- A E D 2x

A E D A E D
She's cold and she's cruel but she knows what she's doing
A E D A E D
She pushed me in the pool at our high school reunion
A E D A E D
She laughs at my dreams, but I dream about her laughter
A E D E (one strum) D
Strange as it seems, she's the one I'm after

Chorus:
A E
Cause she's bittersweet
F#m D
She knocks me off my feet
A
And I can't help myself
E D
I don't want anyone else
A E
She's a mystery
F#m D
She's too much for me
A E Bm
But I keep coming back for more
F#m D A
She's just the girl I'm looking for

A E D A E D
She can't keep a secret for more than an hour
A E D A E D
She runs on one hundred proof attitude power
A E D A E D
And the more she ignores me the more I adore her
A E D E (one strum) D
What can I do? I'd do anything for her

Chorus

Bridge:

F#m A
The way she sees it's me
Bm
On her caller ID
E
She won't pick up the phone
F? F#
She'd rather be alone
A
But I can't give up just yet
Bm
Cause every word she's ever said
F#m D
Is still ringing in my head
G D
Still ringing in my head


A E D A E D
She's cold and she's cruel but she knows what she's doing
A E D E D
Knows just what to say so my whole day is ruined

Chorus

Wanted to make a note on how queer the men's room is on our floor. When I take a pee there, every once in a while you'll hear a long farting sound like that from a sitting butt. Seriously, it is about 10~15 seconds long in duration.

When I first heard it, I would move my eyes side to side as to who could be guilty of doing it. There was none ofcourse, but I think the building beside ours could be the culprit.

And then I figured out, it must be just some packages being delivered down a chute somewhere. They might be making those noises. But I could be wrong o_O

I've just registered in Peyups. I've only heard about this site when somebody commented in a poetry thread of mine if I was from there.

Well, here's to feeding my mind. I can't possibly be a better writer if I rely on my own intuitions and instincts. Although that would be good for originality, the chances of me stunting my intellectual growth would be higher.

I've registered myself as Quentin. Here's to hoping of a good stay there.

May we live in interesting times :}

I've been thinking about my other pen name, that of a woman, Pauline Schroeder. I created her to author some works of mine that does not really fit being written by me, on a male perspective. Ofcourse most of them are poetry, though I'd like to go into essay writing.

To date, I think I only made one poem under her name, Tulang Hindi Na Naman Masaya, not sure if I can find it posted in my blog, but I'll find it eventually.

Found one who got one of my poems as Quentin Montejo though. I've been spreading them all over the internet through the years, but have created them as a more personal piece of art nowadays.

Oh yeah, Pauline Schroeder's first name came from my great grandmother's. Schroeder just came out while I was thinking of something Scottish or Irish, though I think it is German.

Yeap, I think I need to grow more facial hair, but I have no idea how. One thought that comes to mind is to shave everyday like one who feels Chewbacca is their close relative. That way, maybe, just maybe, my body will be lead to believe that I am not producing enough hair normal people do.

I'll start religiously tomorrow. I'll buy aftershave too.

I only got a zing of this last week from my brother, and yes, there was a new patch out for Diablo 2. Now that got me thinking if I should get back in there and play. I still have love for the game, and regardless if the game is about five years old, some n00b will be in there yapping here in there.

I got sick of the pointless advertising in the channels though, since in the first place, I can't really get any of the items I drool for in there. Either that or, I'm doubting about the player population if it's any more exciting. I need to think in balance though. Would I prefer lonesome playing? Or contest with greedy players?

Only the modem will tell -- on saturday !!

- Q.Montejo

I don't want to be the face
   that will put you into an endless oohs and aahs
That will make your view go fuzzy on the sides
   bespectacled with dotted lights
I want it to be the one that tells you things
   will be ok when you're in a sucky mess
That things are going fine and
   there's no need to waste hours worrying

If you look at me, I don't want to be the one
   that makes your knees shake
For sensations like that are but
   illusions easily forgotten at a moment's notice
I want it, that when you look at me,
   your heart is warmed and made glad or whole
Because I prefer to gamble more on emotions
   that carry true through bright and dark times

However ...

I also want that not all of what I want
   will happen when you look at my face
As we will wade through this shitty life
   full of deceit and despair and uncertainty
That despite everything, we're good,
   we can be good, while expecting good things to come
And my face will be seen smiling because you
   can go to sleep, placidly, calmly

Btw, when I was there in Baguio, I had a weird-ass dream after a night at Nevada Square (circle?). Only downed two bottles of red horse there though, because the waiters are pretty much occupied by the sea of people in there. It went like this, like straight out from a comic book.

~~~

The day was sunny, and I'm in a town for some celebration. People were enjoying the food (couldn't recall if it was a wedding of some sort) and the occasion. And then it happened.

We left a building, riding in a van because something was not right. It was a hurried departure so I left some of my things there. And then, a terrifying noise were heard from everywhere because the ground cracked open (volcano?) and out came smoking rocks flying through the air. These rocks have ghostly faces on them and then it immediately began hitting the ground, while some where homing in on people (!). Those that were hit were 'destroyed' in an instant, while some began hitting the van we were riding on. Like on some cue, other rocks began hitting us purposefully. Inside I hear people screaming (I don't know who were with me) and then everything went black.

When I opened my eyes, it's as if twenty years has passed, and I was riding some sort of beat-up vehicle (motorcycle?). I am passing by a desolate town, almost like a desert because of the cloudless sky and the sandy ground. Everywhere you can see people in different states of wretch and misery. And then I spotted the building where I first left when the apocalypse happened, now decrepit and in ruins, but it seems to be holding up. Before I went there however, I observed a man, like he's shooting with his shadow and is terrorizing the people around him. Each shadow-like bullet traveling on the ground ripped people apart when it comes into contact.

Fearing nothing, I came near him because he's in the way where I'm going. He was cackling in glee at my apparent impudence, but I walked on. He shot these shadow bullets and it only wounded my legs. I then proceeded on grabbing his neck and crushing his throat. He died with a weak yelp. After I threw his body beside the rocks and broken hollow blocks, I went inside the building.

In a room some stories up, I saw a double deck bed where there seems to be a few clothes hanging untouched for decades. I immediately knew what I want to look for, and grabbed a dusty pair of pants and felt the pockets. I knew that if I found what I was looking for, I will be complete. That whatever happened in those 20 years that I cannot remember will be justified. I pulled up a wallet from the rear pocket, opened it, and inside was a picture -- it was a picture of ... o_O

~~~

Syet, malala na ito >_<

Three days of fun and road trip in Baguio, but unlike everybody else, I'm the one who wants to go home early, probably because the only thing I really like doing was sleeping :} And from the fact that I took my vacation leave subsidy on very short notice (or more like, just let everybody else figure that out -- yes, I have balls the size of watermelons)

I'd like to put in the accounts of the trip like any normal, mild-mannered blogger would, but I think the pictures will be enough for that. I'd like to note however that my skin had a weird splotchy appearance (white splotches on a red background) with all the tequila + bailey's flowing down my system.

Baguio is not as cold as I expected it to be, but maybe because we caught it in a summery time. These are the times too, when I wished I had perfect vision just so I can take in the scenery and sights. It's my first time there as well, and that's all in my twenty-nine years as a mortal.

Still, it was not enough to stop my idle mind from looping over and over and over. I think I needed more tequila. Bought a wooden pendant made from kamagong, its design consist of a sun with a face on it. Got a little something in there for cherubim too, though I was really looking for a little angel holding a bottle of Corona in one hand and a cig in the other. But I guess that's being too particular of me. Got mom the strawberries, brooms, and strawberry jams too as well as Magsie's tapuy. It's here where I realized I'm terrible at what to give people in a massive scale as I didn't even attempted to get something for everyone -_-

"... A leader is someone who excels at what he does and leaves the rest to those who can do it better; someone who can accept his limitations and the limitations of those under his charge; someone who knows how to compartmentalize, delegate and orchestrate; someone who knows how to push the right buttons to bring out the best of those under his charge. You don't need to ever-educate yourself in order to be a leader. If you want to be an effective leader, educate yourself about the people you deal with everyday especially those who look up to you. When you take the lives of your charge personally, they will go to hell and back for you because they know you'd do the same thing for them. That is a leader."
- posted by tennisace
"Anything Network Marketing" PEx

Yeah, I'd go to the seventh layer of hell.

Even though it's way late (like more than two weeks), I'd like to share this cake that was given to me :D



I've been using the name for so long that it's inseparable. Like if it is removed from me, I'll die ...

- Q.Montejo

I think the dream that I just let go got trapped
It was supposed to go straight to the sky
Somehow it didn't find the clouds
And haven't passed through the roof
It's stuck in a space between
That fluorescent bulb and the panels

It is there were the moths and geckos
Were trying to find its door
Trying to tap and claw at the entrance
It stands unyielding to their cry
Yet my dream is in there somehow
You were in it, in this dream

I was thinking of not caring anymore
But I got ashamed of that very thought
So to set it free from the world
Between the electric lights and the ceiling
I stood up and turned off the switch
And went back to bed to sleep

For some unexpected event, I was able to find a common friend of mine and my ex, who was also sort of a college buddy. And well, he texted me today about her number because I still have it but haven't used it for more than a year or so. He said she's still her mataray self (one of the things that I liked about her), and she's doing fine. I have this sort of self-imposed block not to personally greet her myself even though we've patched things up between us. It's a kind of safety wall so I don't have to contest with the unpredictability of situations like this.

Anyway, it's a bit of a strange feeling that this happened. I need to ponder about something.

Just thought of posting pictures of a few people who has been with me for the longest time, though our paths have diverged throughout the years





I still remembered those trainee days when we're kids still trying to figure out the why's of our careers.

- Paramita

"Loving is so short, forgetting is so long" - Pablo Neruda

Nahihirapan na ang aking isip
nauubusan na ng sasabihin sa iyo..
nanlalamig na ba ang pag-ibig mo sa 'kin..
giliw..

nalilito ako, nais kong sagipin ang ating
nalulunod na pag-ibig
nguni't handa akong palayain ka
kung ito ang 'yong hiling
gaano man kasakit sa akin
ibibgay sa yo
ang tanging pakiusap lang
wag mo akong kalimutan..

kay rami nang nagdaan
na pagsubok sa ting pag-ibig
kakayanin pa kayang mabawi pa
ang mga nasabi nang masasakit na salita..

kung ito ang yong hiling
gaano man kasakit sa akin..
ibibigay sa yo..

nanlalamig na bang pag-ibig mo?

Saw my pictures last friday's crazy night. Reminds me of Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes, one of my fave comics <3 Bill Patterson



I've posted in some entry that in many ways, I act like Calvin even when I was a kid (sans the tiger and some nasty demeanor). Looks like not much of that changed after two decades, haha.

I look weird when intoxicated. My elbows go all pinkish.

Ok. Last night was just a blur. I could almost predict how these things go. People getting together for too often a time will eventually bond into something like a tight clan. Then things between people get closer some more. And then people will then form expectations. Before you know it, you'll see people going into all sorts of knots only capricious creatures like humans can make. Sometimes you'd try to roll things over again, only start out insipid. See which gives less stress -_- or if this bunch of people prefer the excitement of it all. However, something tells me this group is more alive. Either that or I have changed enough to be appreciative of happenings like this. I would recall four or five years ago that I simply detest social interactions (yes, introvertiveness at its finest!). I lament that I wasn't able to grow up with a more people-person-like personality. But that was then, and this is now.

I never really liked beer. They taste really awful. I still prefer fruit juices over alcohol anytime. The only thing I get to appreciate about it all is that it makes people drunk. Not that it's a good thing, but more of the fact that, people need some sort of euphoric feeling in their heads every now and then. And yeah, to me that would be cherubim. She is looking as beautiful as ever. Which is an unfortunate fact that other red-flushed eyes are having a field day over her (well, she showed her skin, I show mine, LOL). Good thing she didn't wear something more visually stimulating or I would have to blind myself -_- Still, I wonder if she noticed I was looking at her direction whenever people I consider as creeps (sorry guys, truly, I don't control the thoughts that come out my head) are having undesirable 'movements'. I had to tilt my head away just so I won't have to see it happen. Or trust that her tomboyish flair would come out and scare them off. At least she likes to move around. Sigh, I sound like a pathetic ball of pube :} And here I am typing all of this in a public blog. LOL. Well, what the fuck, this is an exercise in self-improvement anyway. It's good to analyze emotions and train the mind to act on it when it comes up. Rational all the way baby.

I need to jog more regularly, because I'd like to see if I can really get back my 12-year old body. I'm still pretty agile, unlike most guys my age (well most are now sporting beer bellies, and is fat and boring).

Oh yeah, welcome to my blog Larry you sick, sick man you. You do know that being profound and crazy at the same time can only mean one thing: I'm Hannibal Lecter's progeny :}

Came in half day today because I got lazy again and wanted to have more than 10 hours of sleep. I had a lot of time in the morning and I still manage to arrive at the office late for the half of the day. To top it off, I've only washed about half of the contents of my laundry pail (should I get a hamper? Is that what it's called?). I only wash as much as how many unused hangers there are tucked under my mattress (I hide them from the evil hands of my roommates).

Summer is but a few months away, so I think it's good my condomates (they're the group in the other room) are selling fruit juices for me to pounce on. I wish they have something more zesty, like those cranberry-apple I buy at the supermarket. I got my consumer card (looks like a credit card) too, which can keep track of the things I buy and do something funny once I buy enough (oooh, zombify me now oh gods of consumers).

There's also something funny when I woke up. My cellphone is displaying cherubim's number for some reason. I don't think my head has tentacles of its own to do such a thing, so I checked the dialled/missed/received calls list. Found out I dialled it (funny/weird?). I guess rolling on my cellphone with my head can do such things nowadays.

Sigh. I've been spending less and less time with my old friends, and more with the new ones. I wonder if I'm going into transition? It's probably because the old forums I haunt has been blocked and I couldn't go there as much as I would like to. That makes me think. That place has had a lot of memories. Unfortunately, the sad ones seem to linger there more than the happy ones. I've seen a lot of people come and go.

And a big chunk of my history is in there too.

It was there where I've learned a lot of what I think today. But somehow, I couldn't brush off the feeling that I've outgrown it. It's as if even if there're new people coming in, it's like they're all the same like some colorless haze that I've seen over and over. Maybe because it was there where I've lost friends throughout the years. All the deceit, the disappointments, the crawling angst, even my own selfishness are all precipitated on the words I've typed and gotten semi-immortalized.

Where are you now?

Those are the words I would be saying, if I still cared. Six years. A lot of time to take into account for and write it as part of my history. At least, at this stage I no longer have any thoughts of "if only I could turn back time and do things right".

The only thing that burns me right now is, tomorrow might be good for something. That's a line from the song Unwell by Matchbox 20 by the way. I remembered my best gal friend giving me the mp3 to that.

Yeah, tomorrow should be good for anything. I guess that's optimism. A trait that I wouldn't want to lose.

Well, here's for cherubim.



I'm not sure what she's thinking right now (and I so wish I'd know), but it's the best special thing I could muster at the moment.

Ahh, I need to be more creative -_- *bonks head*

"A baby is God's opinion that the world should go on."
- Carl Sandburg





Congrats to Dante and Mina for bringing in love to this world !!

Now excuse me while I spread discord to retain the balance.

This is a hilarious comic that I should be linking to my blog right now. But I'll do that when I do that.

Click here you numbskulls. Make sure you take a look from the start if you're a newbie to it all.

New look :} I prefer simple, minimally graphical designs so that my blog loads up real fast. The color scheme is taken from my old blog, and the background pattern is from my old personal website.

The brightness in the theme signifies a bright outlook for this year :}

The angel is there because I like winged celestial beings. And ofcourse, to remind me of cherubim (ahh, still a tale in progress folks, so don't ask). Regardless, it always have been my dream to fly. This summer I think I'll take that tattoo on my back for real.

- The Speaks

Uhm. For cherubim. Chords are D-A-Bm-G

Will it ever be?
I’ve tried so hard to find sweet serenity
Are you still afraid?
Just close your eyes and dream, and feel it fade away.

Time won’t flow, everyone knows
When the pain fades away
And dreams won’t die, with tears in our eyes
You’ve got to hold your head up high…

It’s taken some time,
And I’ve given up the will to change your state of mind
Try and understand,
It’s not so hard to see that I am just a man.

Time won’t flow, everyone knows
When the pain fades away
And dreams won’t die, with tears in our eyes
You’ve got to hold your head up high…

Will it ever be?
I’ve tried so hard to find sweet serenity
Try and understand,
It’s not so hard to see that I am just a man.

Time won’t flow, everyone knows
When the pain fades away
And dreams won’t die, with tears in our eyes
You’ve got to hold your head up high ...

Yeah, this is Harrison Plaza in Vito Cruz circa 1982 or something. Those are three of my cousins at the left, and beside me standing is my auntie (mum is behind me -- she hated this picture hee hee). Notice the Klim milk brand at the side. I think Lea Salonga used to endorse this product.

Sometimes my own imagination works against me. I just prepared myself some oats and while I was looking at it while stirring it with a spoon, a thought came into my mind: gee, that piece of oat over there looks like a booger.

Ofcourse, it's not.

But it was too late for my appetite.

Understand the things I say
Don’t turn away from me
Cause I spent half my life out there
You wouldn’t disagree
D’you see me, d’you see
Do you like me, do you like me standing there
D’you notice, d’you know
Do you see me, do you see me
Does anyone care?
- The Cranberries, Ode to my Family

Looks like the cherubim had about enough of family matters and finally had to put it in words the same way I did back in the December. I'd like to do something for her if I could. The only thing I could muster so far are just that as well -- words. A part of me just wants to do the best I can to cheer her up. But the other part is telling me that it's her fight.

It's a difficult thing when the people who brought you up are the same ones bringing you down now. Sometimes the only thing that can keep you going in these times are people who tell you "To be strong" or "You can do this!". I wished there were people who can tell me that everytime I am at my weakest (as usual, it's just me, myself, and I to keep me company -- good enough hee hee). So right now, unless I can think of something useful, this is the only thing I can do for the cherubim -- tell her to be strong. And that a nephilim like me is always on the ready to listen to what she has to say. I would even try not to burden her mind with the selfish things I want to say myself :(

You did not find me, you did not find
Does anyone care?