I actually got these from Narawen's multiply site (hi wenchang!)

I only get to appreciate it because bits of the songs were highlighted. It sort of ehnances the music hunger (what a concept!)

It's all a bit emo though, but it's still music :) Go on, download em! I particularly like Ash ... didn't they make a hit several years ago?

~~~

[ Ash - A Life Less Ordinary ] - saw A Life Less Ordinary for the nth time. :) i <3 Ewan, no matter how bad the movie is. walang pakelamanan. :P
So, take me in your arms again
Lead me in my dreams again
So, what is it worth?
I'll sell my soul, what is it worth?
Only you know

[ The Owls - Air ] - suppose you just got out of a relationship. you're in that stage where you're not really bitter, but you just feel dead inside. this kinda fits that stage.
No head no heart no hurry no hate no fun no muss no city no state
No card no kin no call no kiss no book no bread no hit no miss
No juice no laugh no love no sin
No hand to put my handshake in
No header no footer no girl no boy no good no better no touch no toy
There is only air
Where I used to care

[ Wheat - Don't I Hold You ] - kinda sad. you know how sometimes you feel inadequate as a boy/girlfriend?
and then you worry that s/he may be getting bored with you, but you'd rather not ask cause they might just confirm it?
don't i hold you like you want to be held?
and don't i treat you like you want?
and don't i love you like you want to be loved
and you're running away

[ Third Eye Blind - Persephone ] - i've always liked this band, so i was thrilled to finally find this b-side :P
Did I hear you scream
Well I was singing in a dream
Naked by your side
The one place I never lied
And all that I can give you
Is an open door
And it all it swings to lightly
I won't be through there anymore

[ Boy In Static - Where It Ends ] - what can i say. i'm in love with this song ^_^ dreamy, hushed vocals + sentimental lyrics. wheeeeee.
here's where it starts
the same place, same breaking hearts
where it ends
we'll meet here and fall apart again

[ Dashboard Confessional - Stolen ] - galing kay mr. lollerskates :P heheh.
You are the best one
Of the best ones
And we
All
Look
Like
We
Feel

[ Ash - Sometimes ] - yay, Ash uli! lalang. kaka-add ko lang kasi sa kanila sa myspace bwihihi. :P would be a nice "i've moved on" song.
Sometimes, it happens feelings die,
Whole years are lost in the blink of an eye,
We once had it all but events conspired,
Sometimes

[ Stars - Heart ] - their songs are always so pretty :P heehee. i listen to them when i feel all girly and stuff :P
Alright, I can say what you want me to,
Alright, I can do all the things you do,
Alright, I'll make it all up for you,
I'm still in love with you,
I'm still in love with you

[ Ryan Auffenberg - Under All The Bright Lights ] - ayieee. another sad song. :( (anubels. yoko naman magemowt.) for some reason, this makes me think of someone who's at his death bed, saying goodbye to his loved ones.
if i stay too long, you can let me down
just do it easy
high time i left
this damned town

[ The Poems - Ballad Of A Bitter End ] - lovely, girlie song. you might remember this from Grey's Anatomy if you're a fan :)
Whisper soft
Whisper low
Tell me things I shouldn't know
With you I want to grow

If this is love
It hangs in doubt
It'll kill you or me
If we come out

Talk to me again
Please talk for me again


So will you? Huh? Will you?

Lately I've noticed I have been spending a lot of money of food.

Not it's because I eat a lot, but lunches aren't exactly being ordered from your friendly neighborhood manang. Yes, I eat in restos during lunch. And a funny thing is, I almost always order my favorite in each, choosing it above everything else in the menu. Here they are, being visited at least once or twice in two weeks:

Sbarro
- 95% of the time, you'll see me ordering one thing: Whole Spaghetti with Meatballs in Tomato Sauce. Makes my mouth water everytime. Goes well with lemonade. Cost: ~ Php200

Luk Yuen
- King Dao Noodle soup. It's just so nice. It's actually the cheapest noodle, about Php110.00

Rai-rai Ken
- The reason I went here is because of Naruto anime. I was thinking, what the heck, I better taste some ramen that doesn't come in plastic packs. Cost: ~Php150.00

Mexicali
- I'd eat anything here. They're all so delicious. Cost: ~Php150.00

Thuk Thai
- Actually two: That hot, spicy chicken curry and the lemoned chicken. I couldn't remember the Thai names, but heck/shoot/suck they are so scrumptuous. The chicken curry is really hot, but is still tolerable by my system (right now my mouth waters thinking of it, not because it's that delicious but because it's that hot). The lemoned chicken on the other hand, is divine. That despite it being just chicken nuggets with lemon sauce and strands of nori (that sweet-tasting sea weed strips), it was all worth it.

~~~

I bought a property buyer's mag the other day. I really am keen on having my own home. But I thought, hey, better hold up a bit.

There's still some financial stuff I have to juggle yet, like my insurance, some lee way in case things come from bad to worse, house furnishings and stuff.

I'd imagine that after getting a bed and a decent bathroom, I'd be concentrating on the kitchen. I'd leave the living room bare >:D

Target allowance time would be 1 year.

~~~

I dunno if I can really roam around nowadays, now that I have deadlines that need meeting.

Sigh.

I have a really wicked side.

It's a side I haven't conquered yet. So to all those whom I've shown it, I am sorry. Pretty please?


Life is gamble. Truly it's a game you will lose if you don't play.


I'll be bringing some of the kittens back to Cavite. They're cute and playful and all, but they stink up the place -.- If anyone wants one, please tell me >:D

Darn. I wanna talk to you. Blargh.

Oh well, creating my own inspirational ... I know I'm no Mr. Coelho, but heck ...

~~~

Take time to pray
There are just somethings that you must say only when you're at your center

Take time to say thanks
Sometimes these things are done less than asking for what you want

Take time to say something good to a person
That they're charming, or beautiful, or outright stunning, chances are, you'll sound sincere than flattering

Take time to rest
You don't have another clone in the vat for another body =.= take care of the one you have now

Take time to dream
Tomorrow becomes today, fill it with anticipation and imagination

Take time to work
Dreams need fuel, and working always help improve what you have now

Take time to listen
Don't get drowned with the sound of your own heartbeat or your own voice

Take time to explore
There is so much in this world to see! Go on a voyage, discover a different kind of wine, or learn a word you haven't used before

Take time to be at peace with yourself
When all is said and done, find it in yourself that you have done much, that even though you can't have everything, you've done a good job living

"Be good to yourself", Alice said.

I was sipping something (was it iced tea? or something more sinister ...) while looking at the person Alice was talking to. I usually see the kid (I refer to anyone around 20 to be a kiddo) once or a few times.

But tonight at Alice's little establishment, this was an interesting conversation. And I sorta recorded all what was being said in my head so I could blog about it. Oh with a little embellishment here and there.

It was from Alice I got the "Be good to yourself" statement.

Despite being older than me, she's pretty cool when it comes to stuff like this. She has her share of stories, but this time, she's preaching upon her pulpit again.

Oooh, I think I been in that kid's shoes several times.

Alice: Don't go come emo-ing here so you could make me rich, you stupid idiot.

Me: (I really love accents) Feh, here we go.

Kiddo: (I dunno his name, he could Gumbo for all I care) ...

Alice: Don't be like that moron over there (pointing at me)

Me: *Hyuk* (I almost choked, you have your days Alice, grrrr) Heyyy, I just pass by herreeee >:(

Alice: Rightthh. Anyway ...

{ Some preachy words here, whatever, but I'd like to write in a few bits here that went ringing in my mind }

"It's not your job to make people like you or fall for you ..."

"It's not your job to change yourself just so you could please people. The only real reason to change is to do it for yourself, not for anyone else, not for somebody else's whim."

"Make decisions. Take only a YES or NO. Don't take delays just to hear a YES, instead take delays as NO. Move on, move forward. It's not an blank road forever when you walk away. You will find something blooming along the path you walk."

"Hope? Faith? Belief? These are good. But tell me this, is it working for you? The only thing I see it is doing to you is putting you into a standstill. Hoping and believing is not for you, either that or you don't know when it is wise to do so."

{ I forgot what faith Alice have btw ... servitor to the bitch goddess? dunno, I only heard that from her anyway heh heh heh }

By now I feel the kid feels like nails are being hammered all over his body. Drink boy, drink! It's either that or Alice the Malice will pummel you all the way back to Mordor.

"Again make decisions. Be decisive. Be a man. It's a man's job to be decisive. Some people don't really know what they want."

Lastly ...

"Be good to yourself. After all, when all else falls down, it really is all up to you to make the decision."


The start of a better future starts with dreams. So go to sleep ...

So busy!

Countdown to my death three weeks starting next week!

Wonder if I'll have time to roam around ...

Just in a bit of glee for discovering an album of bossa nova (well, artists besides Sitti).

*listens away*

You know what, this stuff reminds me of hotels, and cafes, and lounging around. Relaxing, oh yeah.

The Thinker
>> he blogs most of the stuff, about anything and everything and is curious about the world, with just about any aspect there is. He detests the Maniac.

The Artist-Poet
>> another blogger, he creates all the poems and artwork around. Not good enough really, but it's more of lack of exposure. He wishes to erase Scumbag.

The Asshole
>> a real mean one. Insensitive and callous, he just says what he wants and gets all the beat down. Pisses off a lot of people. His enemy is Emo-kid and the Child.

The Romanticist
>> the giver of love. In all its forms and ways, this one is always sweet and thinks good about everybody.

The Child
>> well, who doesn't have one? He's supposed to get along with everybody, well except Thinker, because he's sort of an adult.

The Scumbag
>> The Asshole's close friend, he thinks really evil thoughts about you and just about any breathing thing on the planet. Hates the Romanticist and the Emo-kid.

The Emo-kid
>> think of all the drama in the world, and this guy has it and can express it in ten different ways. Is at odds with the Thinker and Asshole (and cries about it).

The Maniac
>> spontaneous and impulsive, he does things out of whim and without thought. He's not entirely bad, just noisy. He comes out after a few bottles of beer. Coincidentally, he's the Artist-Poet's nemesis.

~~~

Who are they? They're all me. I used to have names for them. Must be from drinking too much cough syrup ...

I think I'll go get another bottle.

A sweet couple / An interesting book
My shadow/ A rainy day at the office
Bushes on Taal / Grace naked and stringless
Beer in the office / My laundry
Sunrise at my condo / NT the cat
Teaz Soda tea / Fireworks in Ortigas
Mom & child in Megamall museum / Cafe at the back
Bad hair day / Night at the office

I'm doing collage projects. Sort of personal projects but only more annoying :D

I don't write about stuff like this, but now would be an exception.

After creating my first stuff from movie maker, I felt a surge of creativity -- I want to make more ... I have to make more.

From now on, I will shoot three times as much.

If other photographers like capturing beauty in stillness, I want to capture it like it moves. I wanted to capture drama.

And what subjects have those qualities?

People :)

The hunt for live subjects is on :D

Ahh, I am indeed human.

Easily swayed by human-same influences. Letting myself fold under the tumult of circling thoughts that do me no benefit.

Have I been born with a simpler mind, I shan't have these kinds of dilemma. But as things go, I have to keep my center.

That the world revolves even without me in it. So why the hesitation? Why the fear? Have I become too soft that I can't take a little disappointment?

Human indeed.

I'm posessed >:D

I want to catch the scarlet sunset
As it dies down to the horizon
I want to capture faces aglow
Signifying a day has gone by
With people in still pictures
Their faces in perpetual smiles

I wish to have an artist's heart
So I can only see beauty
Even in places where there's little light
Even when no one else can see it
I want to see happiness
Even if it's not mine

And when the day is done
I could put them on my digital screen
Imagine the sight, smell, and sounds
That came with it, and the feeling
That I was there as a witness
To the ongoing miracle called life ...

~~~

Anyway, I've been giving Grace some attention lately. I want it that when I have my next trip, I can have songs I could play and sing with heart.

Temperatures on the rise, and here I am blogging it.

I think imma go home. Take some meds.

Snooze it away ...

Anyway, here's a song I like hearing lately

~~~

Lighthouse Family - Lifted

I really love to be alone without
All the ache and pain and the April showers.
But it ain't long before I long for you
like a ray of hope coming through the blue.

When it all gets darken then
the whole thing falls apart
I guess it doesn't really matter about the rain
Cause we'll get through it anyway
We'll get up and start again

Cause we could be lifted, lifted, lifted
We could be lifted, from the shadows
Lifted

Oh we could be
(Lifted up today, lifted all the way)
You and I forever baby
Lifted, lifted, lifted

It's undisturbable the peace we've found
In a bright blue space up above the clouds
Where everything is understandable
You don't have to say anything too loud

When our luck runs out again
Brought back down to solid ground
I wouldn't say I'm mad about the rain
But we'll get through it anyway

We'll get back to the stars again

Cause we could be lifted, lifted, lifted
Yeah we could be lifted, from the shadows
Lifted

Oh we could be
(Lifted up today, lifted all the way)
You and I forever baby
Lifted, lifted, lifted

^_^

Well well well. Got my new laptop last weekend. Looks like I wouldn't be using it much for gaming. What's a more frightening thought is that I'm not REALLY thinking about games anymore o_O


They have names, but it's sorta embarassing about the names I gave it now.
The one behind is my old 6-six year old, with a Tenjo Tenge wall paper. On the front is my new HP. The wallpaper is a shot of the festive trees from the cafes outside Shangri-la Ortigas. Sorta hate it that today's laptops are wide screen instead of the usual desktop proportions.


Cocorama is in Shangri-la. They serve really delicious food o.O


This is one of NT's kittens who slept on a rug below the sink. It literally looks like a furball, curled up like that.


Close up :3


And here is the lazy mummy

Watched 300 btw. Now that is a man-movie :D

(On a fantasy note, I wish I was a Spartan in my past life. The glory, ooh)

It is sometimes good to hesitate.

Sometimes that is. I've known myself to have a one-track mind cruising like a freaking freight train. When I want something, I get it no matter what it takes. Ofcourse, that has put in me in many not-so-good situations that would've churned many a stomachs.

Oh, I've known disgrace, humiliation, and embarassment.

The things that would make people say, "You're an idiot", or "Don't be stupid".

I don't have enough room in my skull to contain all that I have learned and apply it at the right given time. I simply can't.

One thing is clear though. I must go forward. Forward regardless of the bruises, the repeating disgrace, the countless things that make my heart break. There's no solace for a sinner like me, simply because I hated fate (thus I lost a wing).

There is ... something out there that my heart desires. It's out there. But it's nameless. And only now that I feel it awaken. But I slowly am making it real.

I can. I know I can. And I'm running ... to it.

I'm no longer directionless. No longer aimless, or lost. I'm going somewhere.

Yeah. That feels good.

Somebody gave me this you tube link, and I was like whoa, it's Adrian :D

Bagay ba sa kin ang kulot?

Me: huyyyyyyyy
Her: Elo mokong. Oi, baket ka sad?
Me: Nag-iisip ng pampalakas ng loob

(Lakad lakad, sa may Greenbelt. Di ko lam kung baket ako nandon. Wala naman akong bibilhin)

Me: I think I'm going through an anxiety attack.
Her: Huwaat? Huwaaay???
Her: Kwento dali :D

(Actually, nagpapalipas lang ako ng drama, naghahanap ako ng buko juice)

Me: Erhm ... well ...
Her: (with mapang-asar na tingin) ahh ... o tapos?
Me: Haba ng kwento ko no? hehehe

(Kwento ako, mga bagay bagay. Shempre hindi ko na babanggitin lahat sa blog na to, dumadaan sila dito e hehehe)

Me: (ngiting aso ... lalo na yung asong busog at may ginawang masama)
Her: Lam mo, masyado ka naman atang nag-analyze e.
Her: Make it simple.
Me: (kagat labi)
Her: Na-imbento na ang word na 'allow'
Me: (nag-iisip ng pang-asar, sasabihin sana "Mukha mo, allow")
Her: Actually, jan yata ako napahamak e.
Her: No, but seriously.
Her: ... allow.
Me: Mukha mo, allow (di na napigilan)

Her: Mokong. I mean, just allow ...
Her: Allow things to happen
Her: Allow yourself to go with the flow

ME: (Patay, tingin ko sarili na naman nya pinakikinggan nya)
Her: (iba't iba pang sentences with the word 'allow')

Her: Lam mo, di nga ako dapat kausap mo dyan e.
Her: Cynical ako ngayon.
Me: (Bubulatlat sana ng banat na, "Mukha mo, cynical" .. pero bait muna)

Her: GALIT AKO SA LALAKE... grrrr
Me: (Nyay. E ano ako ngayon? Uod?) A e ... oo nga naman, mga lalaking yan
Her: Ay apir lola!
Me: *plak* (Hala, kung ganito kadali makakuha ng simpatya, may kulto na ako)
Her: Pero don't be too cautious naman (referring to my story earlier)

(Salita pa siya ng mga advice advice na lumalabas sa kabila kong tenga. Hay, I sometimes have more meaningful conversations with my panghilod. Tanggal pa libag ko. Ewan ko ba. Asan na nga ba ang buko juice stalls dito ...)

Her: (tuloy tuloy lang sa dada ang lola) ... In fact, I think you may have over applied what you have learned
Her: Nagkahalu-halo na.
Me: (napaisip) You're right. You're probably right.

Her: Anche, sometimes take things at face value.
Me: (Ay eto panalo, "Mukha mo, face value") A ehm ... expound.
Her: Don't mistake A as B
Her: Di lahat ng bagay may underlying motive or agenda
Her: Di lahat ng bagay kelangan ng explanation

(Napaisip ako. Jerbers, asan na ang buko juiiicceee)

Me: (Change into sensible mode, with matching American accent) Yeah, it makes it complicated.
Her: Some things are so basic
Me: But it's hard for me because that's my nature
Her: I can relate
Me: Sa akin, everything must have a meaning. It must, and it should.
Her: Me too.
Me: Pero yeah, gusto ko rin minsan ... kung ano yan, yan yan
Her: Natatawa ako
Me: (Taas kilay)
Her: Pareho kasi tayo. Lahat may dahilan

Her: Kelangang lahat may paliwanag.
Her: Diyan ako madalas masita ni ungas dati.

(Aha, and the plot thickens. Mukhang alam ko kung ano patutunguhan nito)

Her: Because I tend to look at an apple and see an apple pie
Her: Di lang sya apple period
Me: Haha. You know i feel like I understand myself better with that analogy
Her: Great minds think alike
Me: Mindless ako minsan. Ikaw? :D

(Kwento siya)

Her: Kahit anong iwas ko na
Her: This may be my way of gauging how 'OK' I am
Her: Trabaho lang, walang personalan
Me: Dunno if you can take it professionally, but even if you do, we dunno if he will be professional either
Her: Anyway, yun. Yun ang bago sa kin ngayon.

Me: Funny thing about corporate stuff, personal reasons aren't reasons
Her: Yap
Me: (Nakow Neneng, yari ka na naman kay Kuya Cesar) You might have to live with that
Me: And he will come over, that's for sure
Her: Minsan nga naiisip ko
Her: Talaga bang binibiro ako ng buhay?
Me: (Maraming naisip na pang-asar sa statement na yun)
Her: Sabagay ang liit ng mundo

Me: ... (tingin sa matalinaw)

Her: Ako ba ung tipo ng girl na niloloko?
Her: Grabe, self pity kicking in... waah

Her: Bakit nga Anche .. why???
Her: Mabait naman ako ah
Me: Trite as it seems, pero walang biktima kung walang nagpapabiktima
Her: Busina ka naman dudong! (susuntukin ata ako)

Her: I wasn't playing the role of a 'victim'
Her: I went in to that 'relationship' as a friend
Her: Walang hocus pocus
Her: Kaw ba?
Her: Will you enter into such a situation with a girl who's nice and all
Her: Tapos magagawa mo ba un?
Me: Deretso ako e. Kung friend friend, kung lover, lover.

Her: I guess I'm trying to justify things
Her: Gusto ko naman i-uplift ang sarili ko
Me: Uplift kita. Untog kita sa kisame
Me: Okay jok (leche, seryoso na naman ang lola)
Me: Di ka naman mabiro

Her: So bakit ganun?

Me: People don't always mean what they say, or say what they mean.
Her: ...
Me: Masasagot din natin yan in time.
Her: Sana nga. Hirap mag move on pag andaming gray areas.
Me: (Titig ako sa kanya) Lam mo, ikaw ang nagsabi sa kin ng black and white thinking.
Me: Walang gray areas.

Her: Things used to be that way to me, Anche.
Her: But he showed me a world na puro in-between.
Her: Na-windang ako.

Me: It's not healthy to stay in between. Mangangamoy singit ka nun.
Her: Nu baaa, kanina pa yang singit na yan ha.
Me: Ikaw nag simula eee.
Me: Basta yun, dami ko lang tanong.

Her: Sabi nga ni William, I should be settled in knowing that I will not know the answer to them all
Me: Makes sense ...
Her: But it's contradicting to the other fact, that is I have to have an explanation to everything
Me: Ahh, that.

Me: I think it's like faith.
Me: You just have faith and well, it's not our job to know everything

(Drama mode ang lola at banat pa siya ng mga convy with William. Ako naman nag-da-daydream sa kung saan. Hehe. Bohol? Parang gusto kong pumunta ng Bohol)

Me: (Nakinig naman kahit konti) Ahh, tulo uhog ko sa sinabi ni pareng William. Never have said it better myself.
Her: Ano baaaaaaa
Me: Batet? Gusto mo ikaw wipe? :D
Her: Pwede? :D
Me: No. Wipe your own uhog.

Her: So yun.
Her: For somebody who's emotional and in touch with his inner self.. madali ba sabihin yan and not mean it?
Me: You referring to who?
Her: Kaw ngaaa .. kaya mo ba sabihin yan paulit ulit and don't mean it at all?

Me: (Di nakikinig) Uh, yeah.
Her: ...
Me: (Napatigil, ahehe mali, ulet ulet)
Me: I can't ... I can't not mean it, I mean.
Me: Di ba nga ... sa akin, everything must have a meaning.
Me: What I say always mean something

Her: So Anche, tell me honestly ...
Me: Naks, parang gusto kong kumanta

Her: (Tawa ang lola, labas ang gilagid, tapos serious mode) ...
Her: Was it all just a big, fat lie?
Her: Or did it mean even just one hibla of truth man lang?

Her: Sampung milyong beses ko siya tinanong
Her: Sampung milyong beses nya din sinabi

Her: Totoo lahat nararamdaman nya.
Her: Pero alam nya din, hindi pwede.

Me: (Titig sa matalinaw)

Me: He wasn't ready to prove anything.
Her: ...
Me: It might as well be a lie.

Her: (Tingin sa malayo, mejo iiyak ata) Di ko alam bakit ang sakit pa din
Her: Di pa nga ako talaga okay

Me: Hay.
Me: Your last medicine is time.
Her: ...
Me: Your pain reliever is counting your blessings.

(Di ko minsan maintindihan ang babaeng ito. Ewan ko ba. Kanina pa ko naghahanap ng buko juice stall. Dalandan juice na lang kaya? Dami nun sa Jollibee ...)

Her: Sige na nga, lunch ka na.
Her: Salamat :D

Me: No prob :)

Her: Nga pala.
Me: Ano po yon?

Her: Penge naman ng MP3 ng Kwentuhan ng Sugarfree

(Hay. Buti naman at nahimasmasan ka na)
Me: Be good to yourself okay?

(To Jollibee!!)

There’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It’s still a little hard to say what's going on

Had a bit of a talk with a friend who got into, well some relationship trouble. I'm not sure why it has to be me, since well, I'm not exactly a guru with these sorts of things.

Anyway, just so for you. The guy is a wuss. He may not be a bad person, but he's using you as an ego trip. What's more you're already committed for heaven's sakes! Titirisin kita e! I've already seen it coming from a mile away.

HECK, it's not even something worth starting!

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon..

I know you'd like to hear me punishing you, but it's enough. You've already shed tears, you've already gone through the ordeal. That's enough. Learn, move on, flip the page.

It has to be a personal process, or you needed to be reminded of what is truly important to you. Falling that hard on a person is not a bad thing.

Remember, we fall in love by chance, we keep at it by choice. You've already chosen. Don't mess it up.

And know, always know, that I am here for you if ever you need someone to run to.

Stones taught me to fly
And love taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
Cause it's not hard to fall

I'm not exactly sure why some critics have dissed Bon Jovi. The diluted music he recently churns out perhaps? Dunno. Good thing he stopped trying to be an actor tho.

But anyway, as I was trying to dig up some mp3s in my office intranet network (i.e. my officemate's shared folders), I came upon a treasure trove of old and new Bon Jovi songs.

Yes, I embarassingly admit I sung "Bed of Roses" at the top of my lungs. And I enjoyfully did so while washing dishes, with matching lyric sheet taped to the cupboard beside the sink so I can look at it if I dunno what words come next.

What's memorable to me however, are the songs from the Young Guns sound track. Santa Fe, Blood Money, Blaze of Glory ... these were THE songs for cowboys riding off the sunset. Yeah, I had dreamt those kinds of dreams.

Hey! Man! I'm alive! I'm taking each day a night a time
I'm feeling like a Monday but someday I'll be Saturday night

Back then I've always wanted to be on my own, going to a place where nobody knows me and have that romantic poet / desperado image. I was like, man I'd be real cool, relying on nobody and having the road as the bed I lie on everynight. Well, not necessarily a vagrant >:D I imagine how comfy the chill of the a desert night sky would be while huddling on a bon fire and go sing songs that echo through the fields.

Ah, but that was then. This is now.

I guess this is one joy I'd like every now and then. Stuff I used to dream about.

I went by this strip this morning from PvP Online, dated Feb 28.

~~~

Scratch: Gnnrkh! Oh no. I'm getting smarter.
Skull: Yay! That's great.

Scratch: No! This is awful. I don't want to get smarter than what I am right now.

Scratch: I don't want to be a dumb animal. Or a super-genius. Right now, I am self-aware but I could still enjoy the simpler things in life.

Scratch: I've found the perfect balance, but I can feel it slipping away.

Scratch: This is like "Flowers of Algernon" in reverse.

Skull: Flowers for whatz is?

Scratch: ... Damn. I'm already smarter than you.

~~~

I think this echoes the sentiments I have for the past years of my life. I don't want to become anymore than what I can be at the moment because I feel that it'll numb my perception on how to appreciate a simple life.

I want to enjoy simply being on a beach, or enjoy a really good pasta dish, or sing and listen to music I love. When I live a worrisome life full of concerns about bills, and work, and all that jazz, I neglect the stuff that really matters. I don't want life to pass me by and happen without me knowing.

It sounds stupid I know, I mean there has to be a way to have everything. But, the thing is, I think keeping it at a balance is the thing that will work for me.

I'd like to eat ice cream thinking like it's the best thing in the world, instead of thinking "Hoo-boy, there goes 20. And do I really need this thing?"