Before praying, forgive.
Before speaking, listen.
Before spending, earn.
Before criticizing, think.

And I'm working tomorrow =_=

I hated the queer feeling when I'm summoned to high-level meetings (read: bosses).

I'm an implementation person you see, my concern is to how make things work. They're taking me off from my current team because they 'identified' me on something new to do. Yeah, it's exciting but that's not to say my current place isn't as exciting. I mean I like where I'm in now.

I was reading through the printed papers and there's this small crunch in my belly when it went like:

Delivery Project Manager: Sharon Sutherland
Solutions Analyst/Consultant: Brent Rottinger
NG Architect: Cramer Batfield
Admin Perform Enchancements: Timothy Villius
Implementation Team: Quentin the Pale Peon
etc.
etc.

Oh don't mistake me. I love learning how to talk like I know things (lol).

Hmm. Maybe it's time I buy a suit.

Had a bit of a talk a while ago, and I've realized something lately.

When I work hard not because of money, then it is something else -- I want to forget something. As to what that is, I also only realized lately what it is.

*ponder* *ponder*

I'm not sure who's been coming here every now and then (hah, stalker you), but thanks to him (it?) I found a verrrry old thread about cat lovers. Old as in six years ago, from an old haunting ground.

Anyway, here it is --> Click

Incidentally, I stopped going to those forums for almost a year, and I don't feel like catching up to anything. Probably lots of new names, but nonentheless, none of the people I really care about.

I've left a lot of memories in there, some good some bad, some happy some sad. Unfortunately for me, that place contains the saddest of my post-college life and not the happiest. I know it's long over, it just gets to you when you don't want it to.

And yes. I'm in the office. Working on a Sunday.

In other news, a new server is coming up. To switch or not to switch? Sigh.

Your friends may lie
The truth can come from strangers
If I knew why
We wouldn't be in this danger
Leaning out the window of my car
And wishing on another lucky star

Life is long
It is not made to measure
You will go on
The same in pain and pleasure
Wondering how we ever got this far
By wishing on another lucky star

Life goes on
As sure as the sky
It's come and gone
In the wink of an eye
You leave your home
On the wings of a lie:
"You will never die"

The world is cold
A heart gets torn and tattered
The one you hold
It can be dropped and shattered
Leaning out the window of my car
And wishing on another lucky star

Life goes on
As sure as the sky
It's come and gone
In the wink of an eye
You leave your home
On the wings of a lie:
There's a car outside ...
- "Wishing on Another Lucky Star" - J.D. Souther

I'm not sure who amongst you have watched this movie -- before all that Matrix movies, before Johnny Mnemonic, Keanu Reeves (yes, Keanu Reeves!) can act!

Not sure when I saw this, maybe back in highschool as a feature tv rerun, but when I watched it then, it hit a lot of chords in me. It's a story about teenage suicide.

Why commit suicide when there is nothing really wrong in your life?

You see back in highschool, I already have this disturbing thing going on in my mind -- yeah I contemplated suicide. I hated the world because everything felt painful to me. As to expound on that, I can no longer do because I've outgrown it and I'll have trouble trying to find the words needed to describe it. All I could remember is that every morning I wished my bed would swallow me up and let the world forget about me.

Sounds silly doesn't it? But I think these kinds of issues are urgent, and need to be communicated to parents. Because one thing can lead to another, and no matter how foolish as it may sound, it only takes one trigger for all of it to happen.

I think most kids with tormented minds do think of pulling their own plug every now and then. I was no exception.

One time, in one of my old blogs, I came upon somebody with that case. She had a conversation with her uncle that went like this:

"You know, if you die, you will make a lot of people sad."
"So what? Everyone will get over it eventually."
The uncle, stared at her and said, "Exactly."

It took a while for it to dawn on her that what she's feeling about her life right now, she will get over it eventually as well.

Unfortunately, I also came to other cases where the person wasn't saved by a caring uncle. It almost gives out an urge to do something to prevent things like this from happening. So yes folks, things like this do happen and it is real.

Note: I want an mp3 of the song above :( it's a really beautiful song ...

is for me to find my way back home ...

I think one of the most colorful people I've encountered during the past months is this certain kid who hangs around in the computer rental shop just below our condo.

Why you ask?

He's gotta been the most foul-mouthed urchin this side of creation. And I would think he's not yet even 10 years old! He's a bit of a bully, but not really physically intimidating for his age. In fact, he's scrawny. But what he can't do with his fists, he more than makes up for it with verbal abuses and insults -- he makes every other kid in the shop cry XD He puts up with everyone who comes in the shop, well maybe except me and some strange looking people. He usually just sits beside me quietly and watch me play RAN Online.

Now yesterday, as I was usually doing my rounds bashing other people's heads in RAN, somebody let out a really nasty, stealthy fart. The kid, in his most predictable behaviour, immediately begin picking on some other kid with the most abusive verbal insults he could think of, insinuating that he did the deed. A couple of minutes later, the other kid cries (and is fuming) and they went out chasing each other in the usual fashion.

We were all laughing inside at the expense of the poor kid (but it was a really nasty fart I tell you, and you'll really chuckle while closing your nose).

Anyway, I'm not sure how the shop owners still tolerate the bully kid. I think they found it hopeless to ever even do something about it. Personally, I think he's pretty smart for his age. They, however, would nod their heads and predict he'll grow up into some sort of delinquent.

He reminds me of my cousin though, when we were kids.

~~~

In other news, Kerberos has reached level 127! I have now learned Upper Jab! Weeeeeeee XD *bounce talon sommersault*

Been hearing a rendition of Your Love (originally by Alamid) lately.

I don't want to know who the artist is because it just simply reeks of regurgitated crap. Oh, don't mistake me, the artist is good in his own right. But it just simply is another "pinaarte" version of the song.

If you ask me, simpler is better --> Your Love

I think I mentioned before that I had a date with the talented woman who sang that version which, unfortunately almost turned into a fist fight with her brother XD I had to control my own temper just for his sister's sake because we were already making a scene in a public place. Whenever I think about it now, I just feel like chuckling XD


All I wanna do is lie before I die, oh yeah

And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

~ Goo Goo Dolls, Better Days ~



Have a happy weekend everyone !

I've only realized that while I was looking at the pattern made by the archive links on the left. Decided to look at a past entry and one of them has taken my attention.

Two years ago, I was working with a client and assigned onsite to offer my services as a developer. I think we were cramming for a deadline and I'm left in my rich field of thoughts ... (don't mind my usual grammatical confusion with past and present tenses)

~~~

dated October, 2004

Guess times like these deserve a blog entry. You see, not sleeping for a whole day induces a natural high. But whatever sort of high that is, I cannot tell.

All I can say is, I'm sleepy. Makes me wonder. How will I die?

In my sleep? Gunshot? Disease? A vicious car accident? Will it be hours/days/months/years of agonizing pain? Or a swift sweep like samurai sword almost like I didn't feel it?

Will I have loved ones beside me when I die? Or will I be cold and alone on top of rainy hill at night?

Last Friday when an earthquake of intensity 4 or 5 rocked the building where I'm working in, I had pondered -- life is such an easy thing to take.

Nine months of growing in the womb, ten years to learn basic stuff, ten or so more years to figure out what life is about, another ten to decide where to go, etc. Life can be ended in any stage and in any way possible. If you look at it, life seems only a cruel joke and the end of it is the part where jack comes out of his box -- a real eye opener (well if you have your eyes openable that is).

So what's all in this for me? I've taken up the mentality of carpe diem in my own way. Just like Percy and Pooch in sinfest.net. Pooch was playing with a new ball to replace the old one he lost. Percy, like the conniving kitty that he is, was like saying that it will only be lost anyway, so why bother playing with it. Pooch, on the other hand, simply decided to play it with a lot before it goes away.

Pooch is a puppy. Even puppies can teach lessons.

One of the best things that this new place of work has is that every Friday there's what we call tea time. I think it's a British habit (since, we really aren't tea lovers) to have something on a Friday morning.

Ofcourse, here, it's like a celebration of sorts, difference is, the tea would take on a different form. What happens is some people contribute something for everybody to eat. It all becomes special when it's somebody's turn to be regularized. In that case, tea time becomes a festive occasion.

Besides the food, it's a good chance to socialize and get to know other people you work with, especially those whom you won't be speaking to much in your everyday routines.

There's still a bit of a clique here and there ofcourse. The foreigners would expectedly huddle together, and I ... well I'm a group all by myself (hehe). Okay kidding, I casually go around and comment something obnoxious or something (short of making them barf their food out).

Right now I'm stuffed. Delicious carbonara, delectable barbeque, and some really nice chocolate cake. It's hard to work when you feel like sleeping XD

Been hearing Christmas carols in the malls.

It's still months away but the festive mood of the Yuletide is beginning to show once the Ber months come in. Pretty much unique in our little spot on the planet, but it's a nice feeling to have one. In other countries, it's mostly a one-day affair, after that it's gone.

So this is Christmas, and what have you done?

Listening to a Maroon 5 rendition of the song (I think Adam is talented vocalist), and I can't help but to go through all the Christmases I've went through. And it pretty much goes through one pattern: it's best when I was a kid, and sort of loses its color once I get old.

Why?

Perhaps, I had cares now that I didn't had before.

The fireworks were more colorful and noisy, the people were more jolly, and the colors of the strings and balls on the Christmas tree seem shinier. When I grew old, it became just another noisy firework, just more annoying people to please, and the mess that I have to fix just to put the Christmas tree back to storage.

I could almost see what changed, it's just that, I see it happening before me and I wasn't taking notice of it.

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."
- Tuesdays with Morrie

Maybe it's because as we grow old, the things we encounter all the time are the first things that's being taken for granted. It's a simple fact of life. It's easy to take for granted stuff that you stopped giving meaning to. I guess when the most basic and most important things in life are put aside, we begin prioritizing the wrong things and end up asking ourselves questions as to why some things are missing.

And so this will be another Christmas. Perhaps I can do something to stop giving 'another' a trite meaning. Maybe this time I won't be half-asleep when it all happens.

"Mitch," he said laughing along, "even I don't know what 'spiritual' development really means. But I do know we're deficient in some way. We are too involved in materialistic things, and they don't satisfy us. The loving relationships we have, the universe around us, we take these things for granted."

~~~

I remembered back years ago, that Mom gave me a birthday cake since my birthday is just a few days away from Christmas. After doing the usual round of wishing stuff in front of my family, Mom unexpectedly took a little icing from the cake and threw it at me.

And before we know it, the room has become a battle ground of pieces of icing and cake. We all had a messy, sticky feeling afterwards. But it was a hell lot of fun.

Take any emotion, love for a woman, or grief for a loved one, or what I'm going through, fear and pain from a deadly illness. If you hold back on the emotions if you don't allow yourself to go all the way through, then you can never get to being detached, you're too busy being afraid.

You're afraid of the pain, you're afraid of the grief, you're afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails.

- Tuesdays with Morrie

Let me sound like a different version of that old man, Morrie for now.

Sometimes we wish we could say we've made the best decisions in life. Some are really bad. Some we shouldn't have done. And some, we wish we had a chance to do it over again. And of a few, sometimes we wish we made that step.

I think I've blogged sometime that I only have started being brave for the things I do not too long ago. That doesn't mean I wasn't afraid of the consequences of my emotions -- I was, big time. But if I didn't start taking risks, nothing will happen to me. I will stagnate and forever wonder what life would be for me if I had taken that what-if.

Ofcourse we don't get what we want all the time, in fact, that is always the case. But it's more dangerous to be staying in the safe lane for too long. In my case, if I don't give my lazy ass some sunlight, it'll forever be pale :D

And if what I did didn't turn out right, then lesson learned -- then move on. I'll give allowances to grieve or if needed, let the whole cycle of healing complete itself in its own time. Then move on. It is pointless to daydream about what should have happened.

Then you ask, would things have been better if I held back? My answer is, it wouldn't have been better if I knew in myself that I am only offering half of what I am capable of. Just be cool ^_^

(btw, for those who haven't read the book, do so you zerglings)

~~~

In other news, Kerberos is stuck at 123. And I lost my Dynamic Mercenary shoes [B]+5 in that damnable Suryun event T_T

Yeah, that's a phrase from Dr. House.

But in the world of analytical thinking, it's no different from what I do. You see, the work I'm doing is in many ways similar to having a patient. Patient tells me what's wrong, I take a look. If I find it, I'll see if I can fix it. Based on the symptoms, you throw out possible causes and cross them out one by one.

If I can't find it, I'll try harder.
If I can't fix it, I'll try harder.

If by trying harder, I can't fix or find it, I then begin thinking outside the box. What is wrong here can be symptoms of something wrong somewhere else. And if you look for that, you may in fact be on your way to finding a solution.

If that's not the case, you brute force your solution. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes, it unexpectedly brings up the real solution out, and sometimes it breaks everything.

Other times, you have to give a temporary solution while you work on the problem. Because the patient needs to get by with his life while you sit in your office straining your brain cells as to what could be wrong. I may need to go the person's house to even find out what's wrong by looking at the stuff he uses or the things growing in his closet.

And I'm all writing this because I'm in the middle of something I couldn't solve and I'm burning my brain cells out.

Come on Quentin, think harder.

We have cable again!

I've been cut off from my anime fix for almost a month!!! Man, I missed a lot T_T I've been wanting to watch the following:

- The Law of Ueki
- Paradise Kiss (yeap, it's a fashion anime, it's still pretty cool and has high quality animation)
- Honey and Clover (I like this one, and the usual dubbers fit the characters perfectly)

Now for the highlight of October, I am only anticipating two:

- Inuyasha: Sword of an Honorable Ruler
- Ghost in the Shell: Innocence (it should be Innocence in the Theatres)

Inuyasha really has no deep meaning to its plot. It's just like a story is being told and the only thing you have to do is enjoy hearing about it, let a fantastical world be explored.

However, by contrast, GITS can make your head spin if you think about the concepts. It's high-tech yeah, but it also explores a lot of philosophical/esoteric issues like the concept of a soul and when is something considered a living sentient entity if it's nothing more than a construct?

~~~

In other news, I've been working with a lot of great people. But I have to take note of the people I hold an admiring respect for.

One of them is my current project manager. Incidentally, she is my ex-team leader's wife (small world!). She looks like one of those actresses in those Koreanovelas (yeap, she is that pretty) but she has that dignified air around her. She's talented, able to speak three (or was it four?) languages fluently and she has that confidence in herself to face people of high position (me being in the gutters hehe). Their decisiveness about serious matters at hand only made them more admirable.

I admire those traits a lot. In fact, I have history of having admired several other women that has those similarities, one of them is my ex. All of them I loved working with (for those I did work with) which makes me happy when I think about it.

Yeah, cheers to that.

Right now, I feel I'm not busy enough.

Doing overtime during weekends, attending to chores, and on what spare time I have, I use for play time. What made me say I'm not busy enough is because my mind can still wander off somewhere ...

And that only happens when I'm idle.

If it happens when I'm busy then something is not right with my system. Something slipped. What it is and what it could be, I can only surmise.

The year is about to end, I could hear Christmas songs in the malls already. Reminds me of a lot of things when that time comes.

I need to be more busy ...

The term used to denote fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia, a specialized form of triskaidekaphobia, a phobia (fear) of the number thirteen.

Apart from that, and the slasher film, we all have that quirky feeling when such a day comes around.

Quoting from some random, strangely irrelevant internet source ...

The end of the 13th b'ak'tun (December 12, 2012) is conjectured to have been of great significance to the Maya, but does not necessarily mark the end of the world according to their beliefs, but a time of re-birth. According to the Popol Vuh, a book compiling details of creation accounts known to the Quiché Maya of the colonial-era highlands, we are living in the fourth world. The Popol Vuh describes the first three creations that the gods failed in making and the creation of the successful fourth world where men were placed. The Maya believed that the fourth world would end in catastrophe and the fifth and final world would be created that would signal the end of mankind.

In reality, the Mayans believed that the world would end on October 13, 4772, which is a Friday. This is confirmed by a date from Palenque, which projects forward in time to 1.0.0.0.0.0. The Classic Period Maya obviously did not believe that the end of this age would occur in 2012, but on this later date.

This is sort of my response to metal-mouth james:

To start off, I never really was certain what I'm going to take up in college. Sure I'd like to draw, then I should've taken up Architecture. I have an interest in the Sciences, I would've taken up Biology, or even go to medical school and be a doctor.

Then again, I thought about the times, and I sought after a practical choice. At least for those who do not aspire beyond being a corporate slave. The world don't need more architects. The world may need more doctors, but seeing as how I only have at most five years out of my time so I could help the family out, then it's not a favorable choice for me.

Other courses need to pass some boring board exam (Law, Engineering, Accountancy), so there I was eyeing a fast-paced career -- IT. Truth be told, I never even gotten into the quota limit for a Computer Science course in UP. So it was Computer Engineer in Mapua for me.

And even then I knew college would be another boring endeavor. I gave it at most 20% of what I'll learn to be actually useful when I get my diploma. The rest would be the rantings of a late adolescent (don't forget thoughts of existentialism).

Now why even bother with all those C++, Java, Cisco, etc. if none of it will stay in my head?

I say, don't worry about it. You'll be glad you're given an opportunity to 'glance' at those technologies. More on that later.

As a Persian proverb goes, "The work will teach you how to do it".

When you get your first job, it may or may not be something you've learned in college. That's the truth in most cases in our league (well, accountants more or less get into accountancy jobs, one is no different from the other I reckon). IT is vast, and ever changing.

And people out there know that.

So entry level developers are given trainings, or chances to have certifications (for that extra credibility). Some of those have to be done at your own volition. Now you ask, why bother learning a lot of unnecessary stuff in college?

The answer is -- to let you explore your choices.

I was a Computer Engineering student. But I hated the hardware. So here I am fiddling with software.

Back then the languages I used were C, Pascal, Assembly, and perhaps the most advanced was Delphi. After graduating, I worked on projects that use Visual Basic, and eventually moved on to Java/J2EE. Sounded like I used nothing of my college experience. On the contrary, Java has similarities with C (at least in syntax). And Delphi mayhaps introduced me to object-oriented concepts. It really didn't matter what specific language I had to learn, so long as I know how to use one when it comes around. That you get from learning a starter language, like you just did right now. And like what I did back then.

Think of it as going to med school. You don't want to become a trauma surgeon, or a urologist, or an endocrinologist right away. You're given this chance to take a good view of things. I would think we're all capricious enough to change decisions every now and then, but we're certainly wise enough to move in a general direction. That's why we have courses that offers the choices we can take. And that's the purpose of having to know a lot but not knowing what they are for, yet.

Now when you do get a job, wouldn't it be a good feeling when you realize "Hey, I know that!" That is called, getting an edge. And getting an edge starts from knowing a lot. Or at least having an opportunity that fits in your area of expertise.

As for my writing, I dunno. I've always wanted to write. But I never thought about doing something concrete about it. At least not yet.

Besides, I can think of it as a tool. Why not sharpen it?

I think I'm burning myself out.

I'm given an opportunity to work hard. Now instead of taking time to rest my tired bones, I instead, play harder. Shrinking my hours of sleep into just four o_O

So what happens now is that everyday I probably am doing myself harm and feel the effects later. But what the heck.

In other news, I'm sleepy. And my cellphone no longer has credits. =_=

I have a lot of things to do, to the point I don't even bother going on to my links (heck, even my fave comic sites) for fear that I might need every minute to complete my tasks.

But anyway, I was talking to an Aussie guy on the phone, and since I haven't been vocally using English much, I groped at the words. Before I realize it, I was speaking with a faint Brit accent (seriously guys, I think it's easier than American which is twangy and jazzy). I would go something like "I cun't understand what part needs to be changed". The only thing missing are idioms o_O I guess all those CNN reporters really have an effect on me while I was growing up.

Other than that, I felt gloomy upon waking up today. When I do that, my eyes look towards the floor. Good thing I bought new shoes because I'd go like "Cool, I have new shoes :)" That cheered me up a bit, heh heh.

"If we ask for more from our nurses, hindi tayo naghihilahan pababa. In fact, naghihilahan tayo pataas. We're supposed to be world-class professionals, and world-class professionals won't complain about pressure or lost time, won't cry "kawawa naman kami" when their credibility is challenged. No matter their station in life, they hold their heads up high and prove themselves all over again."
- posted by pro_tempore on the topic of "Nursing Board Exam Retake?"

You know the times when your mind is vacant and some obscure/ignored song just suddenly strike at you? Well this is one. It's Was I Outta My Head (Or Was I Outta My Mind) from Fastball from the Coyote Ugly soundtrack.

This song is soooo this year :<

(if anyone notices, this is posted on a Sunday -- at the office. yeah, overtime :<)

~~~

Sometimes I feel
like I am drunk behind the wheel
the wheel of possibility
however it may roll
give it a spin
see if you can somehow factor in
you know there's always more than one way
to say exactly what you mean to say

Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
it was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
so quiet but i finally woke up
if you're sad then it's time you spoke up too

Was I out of my head? Was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an invitation
it was hard to find
Don't matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
so quiet but i finally woke up
if you're sad then it's time you spoke up too

penge mp3 nyan, anyone :<

We have San Mig Light in our company fridge and we can have as much as we want (not exceeding work efficiency ofcourse heh heh heh). How cool is that?

*popfsshhh*

I was walking to our fave lunch spot today and out of my random thoughts (as usual), I've never really figured out back in elementary as to why we refer to Spaniards as "mga Kastila".

There's a more helpful word for Spaniards which is Espanyol (better eh?). But what's Kastila then?

The answer lies on Spanish history on that there existed the Kingdom of Castille, a historical kingdom from the 9th to the 13th century. Or perhaps from Old Castile, the political name of the region formed by Santander, Burgos, Logroño, Soria, Segovia, Ávila, Valladolid and Palencia. It had some territorial changes in its History, and had this name from 18th century to 1983.

Though from looking at the timeline, we could say Kastila came more from the kingdom than from the political party.

Them: Quentin, it looks like we need you to save us millions of dollars.

Me: No shit, Sherlock.

Them: And for that, we need to erase your current identity, wipe out unnecessary memories in your brain, as well as burn out your fingerprints from your ... fingers.

Me: Cool, I'd get to be some double-o agent. Can I choose a name?

Them: We have also provided you with cybernetic enhancements just in case your arms fall to the floor from being worn out on the computer keyboard. Secure it from your officemate's corpse.

Me: Do I get to see the sun at least once a month?

Them: You will be hooked into intravenous fluids. Enjoy your existence.

~~~

Hoo-boy :<

Every once in a while, I Google out images of my pen name and get a kick out of the results. Whenever I do that, it usually points to images in my old personal website.

Now, it sort of showcases some good personal pics which I took with my cellphone. Look Look (never mind my mug in one of the images, tee hee)

~~~

In other news, Kerberos is now level 117 !!

And that means, I have a new, menacing move that'll smash my enemies (many of which wants to smash me). I think I'm the only one with my build, having only two major attacks and three self buffs.

Ah well, more fun for me ! :)

There's been a big difference between now and the first half of this year.

I think better, for one. I'm no longer dreading the idea of a dragging day, like thinking about lunch after getting in at mornings and thinking about home after lunch is over. Oh I know those days come and go, and I wouldn't expect less about what's happening now.

One other thing better about today is that, I now want to go somewhere -- somewhere not here :) yesterday I wouldn't think of going anywhere and I'm trapped in a routine of living it a day at a time without thought of tomorrow. I also want to achieve something again. Isn't that a great thing to have?

As I look out my office window (great view), I see the immensity of Ortigas. I want to travel, even on my own. Funny how yesterday, I wouldn't want to get my ass out of my home.

Ah, and that's another thing. I want my own home. Back when there were troubles at home, I found myself lost and saddened. Even after things patched up, I've finally outgrown the thought of being back there. It's no longer the place I want to be when I want to rest my tired bones. Sure I'd miss mom's home cooking and the fragrant smelling sheets on my bed, but I guess it's time I truly fly off.

I know it all won't happen overnight. I have time. I still have time ...