First off, I've been tagged by Larrymeister, so I'm entertaining the fact that I have something different to put in this wretch of a blog. Okay kidding.



As you can see I'm a bit of a nature lover, as this is a shot of the man-made forest in Bohol (were those mahogany?). I need the relaxing effect of trees because of the myriad stuff I do all at the same time.

The icons on the left are connections to different PCs around the world. Okay, maybe just London and Sydney. Shortcuts to different programs I install/uninstall on a regular basis ranging from plugins to my Eclipse, paint programs (because I couldn't install an unlicensed Photoshop, bleh).

I have four browsers installed, namely, Firefox, Internet Explorer, Netscape, and ... Safari.

As for the open applications, it's usually Eclipse which I edit Java classes in, UltraEdit, Thunderbird our mail client, RealPlayer for the background music, and various other doo-dads.

I also have Yahoo! Messenger on, and GTalk as well. GTalk more often used for office interactions, YM for informal.

I'm tagging Nadja, Liza, Leis, Anne, and Patty. Ok girls, make me proud ;)

I always get a kick out of making these kinds of posts :D

I know, I know.

Yeah you know, you know, that's what you always say. You already know but you're in denial dumbass.

I don't want to say it. You know why? Because if I do I fear that I'll validate that it is true. When I believe that it isn't. Especially because you exist. You're someone who'll deny stuff like that.

True. But that doesn't change the fact that you cradle fear. I don't. I'm not you.

Whenever I try to, words just trail off. Like, a whole sentence sinking into a tunnel, period first, predicate next, subject last. If I say it, I can't claim I could end it.

Whatever. Rationalize all you want. If only I was always in charge, this whole thing could turn around, and you would've stopped being so hesitant. And none of these events would be happening.

I've already done what you said. And as usual, no results. I'm beginning to believe I'm the one who's right. Perhaps that's why I'm still here, and you're in the sidelines.

Bah, you learned because of me. ME. My job is to push you. Your job is to add finesse. Now who's not doing his job? You. So don't go pointing fingers when the thing is it's YOUR nature not to do anything. You complain of losing your potentials. Well, I'm your kinesis kiddo. Stop whining.

I've always been a fan of chics who dig music, most especially when they dig guitars and piano. I dunno, must be one of the unexplainable moth-to-a-lamp syndrome. So naturally, I have all Michelle Branch's albums. Pity she's not that 'out' there anymore. I think like most people who start out that they have talent, end up being diluted by commercialism.

Like, they lose their edge with their art. Or maybe because people already seen it, and just want the next 'new' thing. Only people who are true to their craft will remain, whether or not they still be popular five years from now.

Anyway, here we have Marie Digby, who besided being hot can play and sing. Haven't heard any of her compositions though, and there's really nothing spectacular about her besides being hot. Oh did I mention she's hot?

However, try listening to her own rendition of popular hits like Umbrella (Rihanna), Makes Me Wonder (Maroon 5), and You Give Me Something (James Morrison). It's nice to hear stuff like that every now and then.

I was supposed to look for a new place last Saturday but since my arranged meeting with another seeker was postponed, I'm left to play with possibilities.

I've revisited my character in RAN Online in Alab server. And might I say, I missed my green-haired emo brawler. He lost his gang membership with Fragile, one of the most powerful gangs in Sacred Gate (SG) school.

So right now, I'm gangless, struggling with identity crisis (like all emos do), and couldn't decide if I should go on dexterity or power or intelligence stats. I'm a quarter left before turning level 147, and get the last brawler skill Taichi.

In many ways, I've turned him into Souichiro Nagi, the protagonist of Tenjo Tenge. That Taichi skill looks so much like the Forged Needle attack, that Deadly Seven is ... well it's just plain deadly.

It was a good decision taking Evasive Dance, though somewhat lessened because of the effects of Concentration. Still, it's good to be hybrid. And bad that I'm an easy 1 hit target.

~~~

Hmm.

I have 10 years left to know if I can live another 10 years after that. Sounds morbid no? But it's no joke. Let's see what the doctors will say after 10 years.

Aight, just paid my visa fee in full.

Now all I pay for now is time. Thanks to you for letting me borrow your credit card. It's a pretty hefty amount, but it's nice to know I'm trusted ;)

For now, lots of good things are coming up this November. Two out of town trips and one get together with old friends and familiar faces. Perhaps I'll be visited by bites of nostalgia or what not, but things like this happening are always welcome.

Feels good. Yeah, things go fine. Fine is nice yes?

Once again I'm thinking weird today.

A mix of moods in a swirl. There's the excitement of achieving something today, the activities I'll be organizing (or helping in), the prospect of moving from my old place, and an answer to my invitation ;) Yeah, the last one is a real fist-clencher. I don't think I have any more charms left, but it's worth a shot. Who knows, it might hit (at least I'm aiming better this time around).

No news from the immigration office just yet to see if they've gotten my payment. So it'll be in waiting status. My best friend hasn't answered my e-mail yet. I have new stuff to tell her :o

That's all just fine Quentin. Nothing you can't handle.

... again.

Alice was right. Each time is different. Whether it's a mind-blowing first glance, or as unnoticeable as soft breeze, each time is different. I hope I don't come crashing down the pavement. Feh, maybe I will. Or thinking even negatively, this'll be the worst in a long string of bad decisions.

But ... I hate that side of me. Always thinking of casualty control (there never was a successful plan). Or thinking it's another mistake. Couldn't help it. Whenever this situation happens a big vacuum suddenly feels like it's appearing in front of me, sucking me into nothingness. Filling me with uncertainty and darkness.

When instead, I have the Yang side which thinks positively and optimistically.

... there never was a battle where Yang wins. It's more like Yin takes over and Yang just creeps in after a month or so.

Maybe I should learn feng shui -_-

I type at the keyboard. Each drop of the finger feels heavy and sluggish. Sometimes the small sounds it makes become deafening in a room full of silence.

I must get out. Maybe tomorrow something good will happen.

Yeah, maybe tomorrow might be good for something.

The place I'm staying now is making me unhealthy.

Ugh.

Smell of cat poo, two sloths as roommates, a flood-happy road.

Do I? Or do I not?

Will the price I pay be worth it?


Whatcha think?

Dekart at the Fort. That's Jam's foot. It's one of those light-sensitive thingies that when you pass by the floor something happens. In this one, flowers bloom on your shadow trail :}

I've been in two night outs this week. And might I say, I think I needed it.

You know the feeling of having to routinely do the same things everyday and then feel like it's beginning to be drab and boring and the walls of your room are closing in on you? Yeah, I've been redeemed of such a fate.

I think that has what made me want to travel. I must see, I must know. Anything to curb my emerging nihilistic tendencies. I don't ever wish to drown my head with something as useless as that.

I want to do a lot. I want to do more. But I want to do it right.

Right this time around. I don't want that a whole year of my life passing by before me that I couldn't remember anything significant happened.



Hmmm.

What do I do next? I like to plan the stuff I'm gonna do before this year ends. Then again, people like me breaks plans anyway ;) The chaotic legacy of living without order. Uhh, that sounded redundant.

I plan to move out and have my own place. Liked the ring of that. It might cost more yes, but the possibility of letting myself grow is exciting. Lots to do!

It's been a while since my best friend and I talked about anything. Almost like, four months of not having any contact. But I'm glad she mailed.

Sigh. I sorta wish she's still around. Although nung nandito nga naman siya, di ko rin naman sya nakakausap ng ganun kadalas. Gone were the days when we would talk about everything remotely intellectual and silly. We'd talk about life's tragedies and comedies, and what's our place in this world, even philosophize about a bit. Sometimes we piss each other off (truly!), but the end of the day, I still have the gall to insult her like nothing ever really happened.

And I guess, she just told me the most cheerful thing I heard all week :) Thanks dumbass.

Lemoned chicken served at Thuk Thai. Yummy

This blog has mostly been in a neutral/depressed mood for most of the time. Although it's never that apparent because the write/author tries to sugar coat it to make it 'un-moody'.

I've never meant it to be that way. I mean like a place to vent stuff.

Then again, we never choose what to feel. And as impulsive as I am, I really have no choice. I just write away.

In a terrible twist of fate, I turned from a catatonic non-morning person into a morning, mourning person.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. My body clock adjusted backward so much that I'VE BEEN FREAKING WAKING UP AT 3:00AM !

How crazy is that? When before, I sleep at that time (after watching tons of anime/tv shows). I took advantage of it, and tried going to the gym, 6AM sharp.

It's cool. Except the fact that most people who come in at that time are old people :o

Not that I'm saying it's boring, I'm just saying there's nothing interesting to see :D

Being a morning person has its disadvantages though. Some good stuff only occur during late nights. Like happenings and stuff. While everyone else is starting to have fun, I on the otherhand, is thinking about bed time.

Like a square.

Alice was staring at me.

"So you finally found a word for it, huh?"

"Yeah. Nihilism."

For years, there's been an occurring thought in my head. My mind is evolving a certain philosophy on its own. Then, while I was perusing through Google, I came across the movie Full Metal Jacket. And from one of the characters there, I came upon a wiki of philosophical schools of thought.

I sat there, staring at the plate of pasta arrabiata.

Is it bad? Ofcourse it is. I'd hate looping my head again with arguments that does nothing constructive.

Even though lots of good things are happening to me, there's one thing that hasn't changed.

I am still in a state of disrepair.

It sounds like a bunch gibberish I know. Or maybe I'm not busy enough. Or I am that introspective that I notice things like this even though I am busy.

I want to sleep. For a long time. Not that I am tired.

It's just I've done so much.

And for the first time in long while ... I wish I was just rich and whiled my time away.

Saying that feels illegal as I've always believed working hard for what you want. It's just that I'm still working hard even though I don't want much of anything.

Am I crazy?

There's a holiday in October!

What to do. I MUST FIND AN OUT OF TOWN THING THAT DAY!

MUST MUST MUST

MUST GET OUT.

Yeah.