I'm in a zombie state for almost three weeks now.

I couldn't readjust my body clock back to 10:00 am. And it's not making me happy. I couldn't sleep because if I sleep I will dream. And the dreams I've been having are not exactly something you'd want to revisit. Not exactly pleasant.

I am solitary creature I know.

But there are somethings that makes me feel even more ... like an outcast. Instead of the feeling that I need to be by myself because I am a monarch who is above things, I feel like I'm a leper who just can't fit anywhere even among my own kind. Those kinds of dreams (I couldn't exactly remember them anyway, only the emotion remains upon waking up).

Quite sure, however. That is has something to do with my planned big move.

My mind is already constructing the life I will live there.

On weekends I'll visit my auntie, catch up with a decade of lost memories. I have been the last of a long lost second generation. And now, I am a long lost son. There are so much to talk about with her.

So much. And she needs to know a lot at about me which I don't tell her in those happy overseas calls. I also need to know what's on her mind.

Our beloved, wise, strong-hearted auntie.

What was she thinking going away from us? Was she also thinking the same thing about me going there? That she did it for herself? I must know. Because we missed her sooooooooo much.

And this will be my chance to know it all as the wayward prince of the clan.

~~~

A few nights before, I went to my last soul sister's home.

I go there maybe once or three times a year ;) even though she's just a stone's throw away from the condo. I needed to give her my new cell phone number.

And well, talk about how each other's lives are going ...

I couldn't explain the feeling when I see her. She's part of a past that I wanted to forget completely. But I couldn't because she's a neutral party, a witness. While I ... I was in a turmoil of a situation along with other players of the game.

That was ages ago though. Lessons learned. I went there to learn how happy she is right now. How similarly we think about the stuff of life. We talked for hours, ranted, and laughed. This brilliant woman has so much going in her life.

I hugged her goodbye, promising to visit again whenever I feel like it. As I went back to my reality.