Yeah, my head is still in a continual maelstrom.

I need a way to calm myself. MMmmmHmmm. I need to because Alexander needs the attention. Yeap, just bought my first digital SLR, which is an Olympus EVOLT E-510. It needs a lot of taming before I could master all of its features, besides the fact that my photography skills leaves much to be desired.


Meet Alexander, Ashley's younger (bigger) brother. I'm proud of him :}

I've decided to be different from the rest of my friends who're either Nikon or Canon people. Yeah it's much more expensive. Then again, it is a 2007 model, and has lots of features I wanted except one: A movable LCD panel display which E-330 has. But I'm sure I'll manage. It's one with good reviews besides Nikon D40/x and Canon 400D Xti.

I would've gotten the Canon, but seeing it has a CF memory slot instead of SD, I then was supposed to go for Nikon. But seeing EVOLT is more up to date, and besides me having glasses which makes it difficult for me to use view finders, I went for it -_- It comes with 2 lenses at least, and a bag ^_^

Hmm. Thinking about it makes me happy now.

Those little swirls have become tornadoes -_-

Everyday my selves are battling it out. Funny it is to realize that this happens when December comes. I know the reason. December has so much in it, especially for me. It's like this humongous zit that is not yet in its time but I want to get rid of quickly.

Anyway, enough of these self-destructive behaviour. There are people depending on me.

Ah yes. That terrifies me a lot.

Tomorrow I have a very big thing happening. And I will name him Alexander.

Here's me, another round of incomprehensible ramblings.

I can't make of it.

It's quite unlike before. Was it even a dream? Does it want to be a dream? Regardless, I really don't care anymore. Sort of like something I do out of habit. It's almost like a superstition. Like I want to believe it happens because of some leftover grudge. A curse?

Really. It's not something I am really dying to happen. Only because I have a back up plan. I'm not even asking for an answer. Or maybe not yet. And as habit, my brain conjured up more dreams.

Airplanes
Take you away again
Are you flying above where we live ...

One time I was on my way to the gym when I came across a model toy convention (sorta). I, ofcourse, took pictures from my trusty w810i. Pics are good enough. Clockwise from the top left: Insect from Nausicaa: Valley of the Wind, Firebat from Starcraft, the Gundam mecha, and the infamous Millenium Falcon from Star Wars. I live in interesting times ^_^

Hmm, after taking a moment to ponder, I've realized that I've got lots of stuff to do this December as well. Surprisingly, it's almost all social activities (whoa). Hey, I'm not always in hermit mode.

- A former company Christmas Party
- Basky and Lei's Wedding!
- Our company's Christmas Party (I'm one of those who arranges it)
- TTNL (a group of well-meaning friends doing some charity work, formerly DBAA or Don't Be An Asshole day)
- Follow up for the requirements of my visa
- Perhaps a few more out of town trips
- ... going home ...

Mixed feelings there.

For once, I actually thought the chaos in my head is quite funny.

As usual, my different personas are battling it out inside, and the "main consciousness" meaning to say the me, "me" is looking at them like circus performers. If I had a brain malfunction I wouldn't be surprised that while I'm pulling my pants up, the other arm is pushing it down.

But yeah, little swirls.

If the human mind is a pool, I that one with a hand just waded through it creating a wake of swirls and small whirlpools. It's chaos, but it's a beautiful chaos. But here I am. I have to move, I can't stay still. The universe is moving, and if I don't who knows what I'll be missing?

And yeah, little explosions.

Imagine a tin can getting bumps from the inside like two heavyweights boxing. *Boom* *boom*. Yeah, I know what I'm saying has no meaning to anyone but me. There it goes again *boom* *boom*. Like a Macross Battroid spraying missiles from its batteries, small little explosions are happening.

My life is never boring. It's not entirely pleasant, but not half bad either.

*boom*
*boom*
*boom*

I just cant look
It's killing me
And taking control ...

I've checked my mail today.

The immigration office gave me 28 days to fill in other requirements. Which means my application is going way, wayyyy faster than I expected.

And here I am hoping I could spend another year here. Although, pede pa nga naman. Doesn't mean that I have my visa, I'd go right away.

Last weekend I thought I'd render overtime but the lure of not going overtime was greater. Heh.

What a thought. The thing I did was level up my new character in Ran Online named Bloodbite. She's an INT archer, and has begun making a name for herself as "that" girl in tights poking things with her arrow.

She's level 99 at the moment, mere moments from going into 3-digit level. I'm beginning to like her more than my brawler, Kerberos. In many ways, Kerberos was my proto character even though he was not first of my chars. He however, went over so many make overs the past year. All for the sake of experimenting. Starting out as Pow-Dex, then Int-Dex, then Dex-Pow. I wanted so much to be different that people view me as a strange character. Who else was a Pow brawler with Deadly Seven?

Anyway, Bloodbite will not be a hybrid of anything. She's going to be pure INT. She and her pet turtle, Jormungand shall explore the realm of sinister mobs and merciless assassins.

I'm thinking of giving her a first name instead of the -Warrior- guild nick. Oh yeah, she's in an sleeping guild Einhezar ... or however that's spelled. So far she's fun to play, despite the low defense and low hp. Hey she's an archer so they're supposed to be far away.

Mmm ... first name.


This is Yoghurt House in Sagada. That's a couple there, excellent photographers in their own right.

Silhoutte of happy people on our way to Echo Valley

"There's only really two choices we make in life. Either give up or try again. Oh, but there's another choice. But life is much simpler when you only have two."

I've heard this line in an episode of Honey and Clover. I think I know what the third option is.

Ironically, I think it's called not choosing at all.

I've always hated being indecisive. When I see it in myself, I feel so ineffective. Whenever friends or colleagues present a situation where they have to ask me what to do, I don't delay on a decision. I even don't mind if it's a bad choice.

Sometimes decisions are good or bad. But it's worse when you don't decide on anything at all.

"Life is like a tunnel. Sometimes you don't see the light at the end of it. But if you keep moving, you'll eventually find a better place."
- General Iro, Avatar: The Legend of Aang

Much like this blog of mine. I mean, I have three other personal blogs before this. But each time I encounter a particularly harrowing situation, or lost inspiration, I stop one and create another. This one is, perhaps, the longest lived of them all. And I plan to let it stay that way. I'd like to see how I've lived it all up. Like a painting so to speak.

Hehe. Looks like that Sagada trip is coming on to me. Hmm. I think I've stopped talking stuff like this years ago, but here I am ^_^

This is a dinner table in St. Joseph, a well-known restaurant in Sagada

Yesterday, and this day's morning I've done some spring cleaning on my stuff. Can't believe just how much dust have accumulated, and how much of my clothes that I really don't use (and must throw out).

I wish my head is just as easy to spring clean. Ugh.

It's just that there's little green gremlin in there that manages to spring up at the most inopportune times. The exact times that I need to be cool.

Anyway, I've discarded about four pairs of shoes today. I've put it in a black garbage bag. The first pair is my Merrell outdoor shoes. That Vibram trademark is a total failure. My foot STILL slips off. Next is my office shoes which I bought much later than my GBX. Man, I liked that pair but it can't live up to my roughness. It's more of a pansy, for-metro-guys kind of shoes. The third pair is my casual pair of Nike shoes. I had to throw it away because it's killing my feet. Or put it more accurately, it gave my left foot a nasty corn. The last pair ... well I really don't know if I even own it. But judging by the amount of dust it gathered, nobody wants it.

>_<

Looks like another year will end up soon. I've done and achieved stuff yes, but the things I want the most are still pending. I think I've stopped being optimistic along the way. I've become this monster of a person that thinks of too few things.

You know what?

I think being the dude one is now, is just a product of your experiences + what you naturally are. I mean, one can be born optimistic, but tragedies and stuff can turn you embittered. It may also be the other way around, like say you're a natural ass, and some life-turning event turned you into a pleasant person.

Ah well, enough nonsense talk.

I have that little green gremlin to deal with. Damn. I think it might as well be another persona of mine.

~~~

Btw, I've found the cure for my nihilism. And funny how it is just as silly. Ask what it is? Yeah. It's called wonder.

Mmhhmm. It's personal shit man, so don't ask.

Right now, I still feel tired.

But the air, the food, it was all so nice. But I'm still tired. Given the chance, I would've eaten yoghurt all day and still want it for dessert afterwards.

I have lots of pictures ofcourse.

One night, as me and the guys were about to sleep, Joy mentioned she was bored of the shots she's taking. Paolo was arguing about it, and redirected the question to me.

Why do I take pictures? What's in it for me?

I thought for a short moment and said, "Well ... because the shots I take mean something to me. Even something as mundane as a book on the floor or a not so spectacular angle."

"I mean, my camera is miles away from taking pictures as good as you guys can. But these shots are mine ... it's like a miracle. It's something I made with my own hands. You know how that feels? I did it, again, because it means something to me. Sometimes I even take shots because of the mp3s I listen to. I want this shot to go with it. Ya'know. It's something. Couldn't say anything more eloquent than that. It's just 'something'."

Paolo hit the nail when said, that it takes inspiration not to get bored with what you do. Yet in a way, there's gotta be something more.

I smiled slightly, too tired to think anymore. Let the dark night creep in, take me in my sleep, and let my personal demons play themselves in my head. Like they always do for a long time now ...