Today is a festive day, and the people in the office came with their respective costumes. I for one have only a pair of cardboard horns to show for it (one of my friends actually brought a Darth Vader helmet -- coolness!).

Ofcourse, what is Halloween without Trick o' Treatin'? In our case, we didn't do any of such, and just greedily grabbed whatever we can from our boss' bag of goodies. And so, I feel my tonsils are crying out again as I gobble each chocolate piece of heaven.

Death!

Wet laundry aside, I feel happy when it rains more than it shines. Sure there's the usual mini-flood just outside the Mandaluyong circle, but you know, you can't have it all :}

I'm dancing til dawn
I'm fooling around ...

I think I have my mojo back. I've partially returned to the old forum I usually hang out in and I'm back terrorizing the residents there. I won't deny that I have a little scratch scar on my aorta for letting myself fall for a capricious, silly girl, but all's still well.

I have this small, ticklish feeling this morning, and it feels good.

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous pacers bracing for bad news
And then the nurse comes round and everyone will lift their heads
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said that "Love is watching someone die"

Last weekend my brother told me how he went back to our old home and how he remarked that it felt 'unalive'. It's been almost a year since my mom took it upon herself and went away from that house.

To her it's been too full of sorrow and sadness. Especially since I moved out and my brother got married. Back when I was the only child she would sometimes casually tell me how she felt mistreated by father and grandmother. That sometimes the only thing that really kept her going was the thought of us, her kids.

I do, in a personal way, find the place too old, the walls too weak, or the lights too gloomy. It's the house where I spent a lot of my sickly days watching the sky from my bed in front of a big, sliding window.

But sometimes that house did feel alive. Times when I graduated, or when my auntie would come from Australia bringing in presents for everyone. Or the times when, in our most boring moments, we would enjoy the warm light of incandescent bulbs while our elder cousins would tell spooky stories, funny personal anecdotes, and outrageous tales. It's also alive during Christmas and birthdays, mine most especially.

I would oftentimes think, that given the money, I would order that old house teared down. Along with all the family memories that came with it. "How could I be so cruel?", you might say. Maybe I am. But maybe because it's wiser to bring down something that has served its purpose, and prolonging its life would be more of a danger than a benefit. Patching it up, its walls or the stories it bore witness to, might only make it look good for a moment, but not enough to remedy a rotting core.

Make no mistake, I still hold love for it. The cool air that you can always enjoy on the ground floor, and the sunny atmosphere of the second floor. You can witness a beautiful morning sunrise on the east, along with the handsome scent of the vast coffee plantations at the back. At dusk, you could rest your chin on the window and stare endlessly at the horizon decorated by the silhouttes of coconut trees of the western coffee plantations.

It's a weird thing when you begin calling a place 'home' is it not? The idea is so mundane yet so outstanding at the same time, like it's some sort of emotional need that in as much as man can survive longer without water, than he is without air.

I guess it's also a decision to be happy is it not? So I won't be limiting myself too much this time :}

I kind of hate sounding like a mush-hearted ninny the past several posts. We all have our moments of weakness anyway, it just so happen mine gets a little 'vocal'. At least I have an outlet, I mean I'd shudder how all others cope with theirs you know.

I'm lifting you up
I'm letting you down
I'm dancing til dawn
I'm fooling around
I'm not giving up
I'm making your love
This city's made us crazy
And we must get out ...

So my steps lead me to taking it easy. I'm letting my own doctor speak out. Coolness. Yeah.

*smokes pot*

I was invited by my cousin to go to a birthday celebration of his grandson (yes, that old), and as usual, I was late.

You see people, I'm not exactly a loving member of the family. I'd consider myself apathetic for the most part. Yet when I speak, my voice is always heard. As I was preparing myself for blaring out anger for not contacting me if they're still in Jollibee (called them but none was answering), I thought maybe I'd just be better off going back to the condo.

As my arrogance would have had it, part of my mojo stems from them. Whatever can be said about my family (in this context, also means 'extended' family), be good or bad, you cannot defy the fact that they are very loving. No matter if you've done so much to lose their trust or whatever.

So I guess I'm here now. Basking in their presence. And pulverizing my brother blissfully :}

I believe my melodrama is coming to a close. I'm closing my doors for a time (for renovations or repairs maybe, or whatever), take a rest, and spare my aching head. Sometimes I have emotional constipations, but you know, the male specie is mostly plagued by that condition. Opportunities might be passing me by while I'm sulking I know, but if I grab it for the wrong reasons, then I am wasting it nonetheless.

You could have it all
If you learned a little patience
For though I cannot fly
I'm not content to crawl
So give me a little credit
Have in me a little faith
I wanna be with you forever
Tomorrow's not too late

But it's always too late when you've got nothing
So you say
And you should never let the sun set on tomorrow
Before the sun rises today

If I am
Another waste of everything you've dreamed of
I will let you down
If I am
Only here to watch you as you suffer
I will let you down!

I blared the song Vindicated on my ears this morning. Because I still have a nasty aftertaste because of the current state of developments. The good thing about it, was that I had a nice talk with the girls last night. The bad thing about it, was that I wasn't able to get back to my cheerful self (me need my mojo, badly baby) afterwards.

I am selfish I am wrong
I am right I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
but I am cleaning up so well ...

... I have yet to see in me what you swore you saw yourself ...

I guess it's the only thing that will never change for me. It's always there ... patient, only expecting it to be played and didn't mind however I do it.

I never did take good care of it. I'd be careless sometimes that I caused it to have scratches on its skin. I haven't changed the strings ever since I bought it from my crushie.

Suddenly, I would think all this and promise myself to treat it better, make better music with it. Never let it go. Only to put it back in its case under my bed, with the songhits and songbooks on top.

I guess it'll never change for me. Unless ofcourse, termites begin renting with us.

- Dishwalla

INTRO/VERSE:
------------
Gtr.1
(ACOUSTIC)
C G6 Am Em
eb|----0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0----|
Bb|----1-1-1-1--0-0-1-0--1-1-1-1--0-0-0-0----|
Gb|----0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0--2-2-2-2--0-0-0-0----|
Db|----2-2-2-2--0-0-0-0--2-2-2-2--2-2-2-2----|
Ab|----3-3-3-3--2-2-2-2--0-0-0-0--2-2-2-2----|
Eb|-------------3-3-3-3----------------------|

Gtr.1
(ELECTRIC)
C G6 Am Em
eb|----0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0----|
Bb|----1-1-1-1--0-0-1-3--1-1-1-1--0-0-3-3----|
Gb|----0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0--2-2-2-2--0-0-0-0----|
Db|----2-2-2-2--0-0-0-0--2-2-2-2--2-2-2-2----|
Ab|----3-3-3-3--2-2-2-2--0-0-0-0--2-2-2-2----|
Eb|-------------3-3-3-3----------------------|

V
eb|------------------------------------------|
Bb|----1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-0-0-0-0-1-1-3-3-------|
Gb|------------------------------------------|
Db|------------------------------------------|
Ab|------------------------------------------|
Ee|------------------------------------------|

eb|------------------------------------------|
Bb|----1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-0-0-0-0-3-3-1-1-------|
Gb|------------------------------------------|
Db|------------------------------------------|
Ab|------------------------------------------|
Ee|------------------------------------------|

VERSE:
------
C G6 Am
this is the last time
Em
that I'm ever gonna come here tonight
C G6 Am
this is the last time I will fall
Em F
into a place that fails us all inside
Dm F
and I can see the pain in you
Dm F
and I can see the love in you
Dm F
but fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time


CHORUS:
-------
C E Am
the angels they burn inside for us
Am/G F
are we ever---
C
are we ever gonna learn to fly
E Am
the devils they burn inside of us
Am/G D/F#
are we ever gonna come back down
F
come around
I'm always gonna worry about
C
the things that could make us cold


VERSE:
------
G6 Am
this is the last time
Em
that I'm ever gonna give in tonight
C G6 Am
are there angels or devils crawling here?
Em F
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear to see
Dm F
well I can see the pain in you
Dm F
and I can see the love in you
Dm F
and fighting all the demons will take time
it will take time


CHORUS:
-------
C E Am
the angels they burn inside for us
Am/G F
are we ever---
C
are we ever gonna learn to fly
E Am
the devils they burn inside of us
Am/G D/F#
are we ever gonna come back down
F
come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things
that could break us


BRIDGE:
-------
Am Am/B Am/C Am/B Am
if I were to give in give it up and then
Am/B Am/C
I take a breath make it deep
D/F# F
cause it might be the last one you get
may the last one


OUTRO:
------
C E Am Am/G F
it could make us cold--------------------
C E Am Am/G D/F#
it could make us cold--------------------
F
I'm always gonna worry about
C
the things that could make us cold




CHORDS:
-------
C G6 Am Em F Dm E Am/G D/F# Am/B Am/C
e|-0----0----0----0----1----1----0-----0-----2-----0-----0-|
B|-1----0----1----0----1----3----0-----1-----3-----1-----1-|
G|-0----0----2----0----2----2----1-----x-----2-----2-----2-|
D|-2----0----2----2----3----0----2-----2-----0-----x-----x-|
A|-3----2----0----2----3---------2-----x-----0-----2-----3-|
E|------3---------0----1---------0-----3-----2-----x-----x-|

Ok, when I begin posting things like this, somebody should press the red button of emergency beer rations.

If you're mad with someone, and nobody's there to fix the situation ... You fix it.
Maybe today, that person still wants to be your friend .
And if u don't, tomorrow may be too late.

If you're in love with somebody, but that person doesn't know ... tell that person.
Maybe today, that person is also in love with you.
And if you don't say it, tomorrow may be too late.

If you still love a person that you think has forgetten you ... tell that person.
Maybe that person have always loved you.
And if you don't tell that person today, tomorrow may be too late.

If you need a hug of a friend ... ask that person for it.
Maybe they need it more than you do.
And if you don't ask for it today, tomorrow may be too late.

If you really have friends  who you appreciate ... tell them.
Maybe they appreciate you as well.
That if you don't and they leave or go far away today, tomorrow may be too late.

If you love your parents, and never had the chance to show them ... do it!
Maybe you have them there to show them how you feel.
That if you don't and they leave today, then tomorrow may be too late.

Not good. So not good. Ok, breathe in gently. Breathe out. Be easy on myself. No, seriously. Take it like a man you numb nut.

Geesh, it's so hard to be your own doctor and shrink. I couldn't sue myself if things go wrong. Heck, I can't even give myself a bonus if I manage to get some things right.

-Q.Montejo

It was a saturday, me here sitting
Just listening to your stories, enjoying
How you can just be almost oblivious
To the nameless people, away, passing

The night ended, forgot how better to say
Goodbye to a pair of eyes i want to see again
Hailed a taxi, closed the door of the cab
Half sleeping, half hoping, still dreaming

In my mind it felt like i was gazing at you
Even while my eyes were tightly closed
And even when they're awake and open
It felt like straying into a fabled dream

In a way, i can't tell if you wonder or care
About this melodramatic poet writing now
When i first saw you, i knew you'll be a stanza
In a my life's poem, uncertain of its own flow

so if you read this, i do hope with fervor
that it is with your thought that i do this for
in your busy time, and give you a bit of a clue
i want something like saturday, and be near you

... but it's hard trying to get near you
Through this small screen on my cellphone
So i turn this despair into painted words
Into a shape of your face written in a poem

Ok now, this is getting weird. My friends just set me up a date. It blew away my current train of thought out of its tracks. The caboose went unscrewy as well.

I couldn't say no, because it was already set up. I'd refuse under normal circumstances >_<

Just something to help get my mojo back. It helps to count your blessings whenever you forget to:

1. I'm employed, fairly successful without even trying.
2. Respect :} there's a few a-holes every now and then, but they're pissant.
3. Opportunities are waiting for me.
4. I have good friends. They may not be many, and as usual I like treating them like hamster experiments, but they're cool people. I thank mama tsilu for finding me most especially.
5. I have the most joyous birthdays anyone could ever wish for *hint* *hint*
6. I have a vacuum cleaner :}
7. My guitar.
8. The free internet at the office.
9. Ortigas is such a nice place.
10. QLC is over, thank heavens.
11. My durable laptop *tee hee*
12. Haven't committed crime yet ... hehe
13. Still have a working heart. Oi, my chest pains are no longer there!
14. My comfy bed.
15. My laundry skills are improving. Thanks Surf! >:D
16. Music. Thank God for music.
17. Living in a country where I'm not oppressed. I should be thankful for that right?
18. Beautiful people.
19. Still a fool for love :}
20. Being able to remember to count my blessings!
21. My hands. I'm able to write poems and make drawings with it still.
22. My eyes, because I can still see despite the glasses. Better than blind eh?
23. The condo where I'm staying. It's a good choice.
24. The easy ride to office.
25. My dreaming mind.
26. My family :} despite the desire to kill them all, I kinda still love 'em to bits.
27. Mouthwash.
28. Still a bit of my mojo left :}
29. My current perfume. Mont Blanc.
30. The barongs and slacks I bought. They were good choices.
31. OPM. Thank God for OPM.
32. I love animals :} Thank God for the existence of furry creatures.
33. Cavite. I want to go home :(
34. For the most part of my life, I haven't made a mess out of it.
35. The last girl I dated. Yes, you are a blessing :}
36. The women who truly love, loved, and continue loving me. Thank you.
37. Books. The tons of books I have.
38. Century Tuna. Tuna Misono. California Maki. Mmmmmm :*)
39. Apple juice.
40. The freebies at the office.
41. Manga!
42. This blog!
43. My mama! and auntie! I have two moms :}
44. My officemates. DoTA and GW people included! YOU ARE teh MEN !! woot!
45. My best friend :} She believed in me.
46. My team leader :} She believed in me too.
47. The cheap but relatively good lunch.
48. Sbarro. Avenetto. I love their pasta and spaghetti.
49. Just about everything in this world. Pagod na ko e, hehehe
50. Realizing after writing all this that, my life itself is a blessing.

Yes ladies and gentlemen. I'm made of mush the past few days and I'd like to re-evolve back into a vertebrate mammal capable of coherent THOUGHT. This time, I want my spine to be made of tempered steel.

So I'm looking forward to mama tsilu's birthday so I can down something sufficient down my throat. I'm liberating my mind of which is naturally helpless (to mush, but only at certain times of the day), nurse it back to suave-ness, and proceed to breaking people's hearts once again! Yes indeed!

I must regain the status of that romantic, lone wolf-rebel without a cause. Always looking out into the horizon searching for my dreams beyond the corn fields and plains ridden with tumbleweeds dancing to the chill air. With the road as my pillow and the guitar as my muse, friend, and lover, I'll serenade the moon and woo the stars!

I am no one's property! The only one who can take me down are the bravest of warriors mad enough to toss my corpse to the wolves or the the most charming of dames who can conquer a hundred hearts with but a wink.

Still, my road I'll take again, once I get my mojo back. And become healthy again >_<

VINDICATED
I am SELFISH
I am WRONG
I am RIGHT
I SWEAR I'm right
I swear I KNEW it all along
and I am FLAWED
but I am cleaning up SO WELL
I am SEEING in me now
The things you SWORE you SAW yourself ...

like hope ...
dangles on a string
like slow-spinning redemption ...

I'd tried to laugh but cry instead
patiently waiting for the words you never said ...

fuck, i'm in a melodramatic mood today. fuckity fuck fuck.

i'm dancing til dawn
i'm fooling around

there's only so much i can do for you

i'm lifting you up
i'm letting you down
i'm dancing til dawn

i'm not giving up
i'm making your love

this city is making us crazy
and we must get out

Don't stop to think why it isn't happening
Do begin by thinking how to make it happen

* yes, I got this from listening to Ever After ... and the song can but remotely relate to that. Yes, weird I am.

* it's related a bit to that "think rich" quote in the book I read, Think Rich Pinoy!

*struts*

When I first made this blog, I wanted it to be a no holds barred kind of thing. I did achieve doing so in some way, but I realized that I still fear saying everything. What with people seeing it all.

So it's like when did I stop being brave enough to see what I don't like showing about myself? I'd like to remove the plastic wrapper of pretentiousness and get tons of my shit in here :}

As I read from PvP, a George Carlin quote "Did you ever notice that your shit is stuff and their stuff is shit?"

Yeah!

And for my first confession, I got a bit teary-eyed when my best friend let me see a flash animation version of Ever After.

*dances*

Quentin: When I first saw Lara Quigaman, I thought, there's gotta be prettier girls out there. But then, after reading the quote below, I discovered she has one of the most important traits I look for in people -- wisdom. The question was sarcastic and negative in nature indeed.

~~~

Quote:

"Mabuhay! Representing the democratic and freedom loving people of the pearl of the orient, I am precious LARA QUIGAMAN, from the beautiful country of THE PHILIPPINES"

The question:

Q: "What do you say to the people of the world who have typecasted
Filipinos as nannies?"

The answer

A: "I take no offence on being typecasted as a nanny. But i do take offence that the educated people of the world have somehow denigrated the true sense and meaning of what a nanny is. Let me tell you what she is. She is someone who gives more than she takes. She is someone you trust to look after the very people most precious to you - your child, the elderly, yourself. She is the one who has made a living out of caring and loving other people. So to those who have typecasted us as nannies, thank you. it is a testament to the loving and caring culture of the Filipino people; And for that, I am forever proud and grateful of my roots and culture.

I wish it would rain some more (although that would have adverse effects on my laundry). I'd just want to feel cold weather and have my hands go numb. At least, those are somethings that would help me relive some memories.

Don't get me wrong ... not beloved memories.

Of all things I could remember when I was a child, it was walking from school on the side of a highway while raining. I would have my raincoat on, but that doesn't stop the chill seeping through. To most other kids, they would've whined about having their parents come for them.

Not me. I would actually endure being uncomfortable simply because I didn't know I could choose not to be. Halfway my feet and hands will have no warmth whatsoever, and would look like dead limbs from the lack of blood or color.

Yet I would walk on, my mind preoccupied with nothing but the sight of pebbles on the side of the road as they pass by my blank eyes. I would occassionally look on the road side and meadows for things interesting to see.

If I see a beautiful flower, like a hibiscus (tagalog: gumamela), I would pick it up, and bring it to my mom. Sometimes if I see an unusual kind of flower, I'd be creative and combine it with a hibiscus.

~~~

Hibiscus -- reminds me that I find it the prettiest flower back then, but I frown at the fact that it is scentless. If it had its own fragrance, any would do, I would've picked them more often.

Sometimes I would see butteflies alight on one probing it with their proboscis, and I would think, why would they want a scentless flower?

I don't want to be another story
That you casually tell your friends
Don't let me be just a nameless face
Or a memory, or a colorless phrase ...

I know what I am feeling
And I know that it is love
I know this because ...
If love doesn't hurt
Then it is not there ...

Been trying to get a new passport, and as bad luck would have had it, I lost my birth certificate. Now as I was contemplating on the thought that when I first got my passport, I've waited like three long lines in the NSO office just to get things done, I Googled NSO and voila! They actually made an online version of it.

I was a bit ecstatic aside from the fact that all of their payment procedures are some sort of hassle. One is going straight to UnionBank, two use the PORT service if you have an online account with UnionBank (which I don't have) OR with a Megalink bank, and three credit cards.

Now the last two seem viable options for lazy leg Quentin, but no. First of all, why the hell is PNB not included their list. I proceeded to e-mail the webmaster about it, but as expected, no reply. I was thinking of hacking into their system, but changed my mind. Second, I own only ONE credit card. And it is expired. With Citibank still OWING me one and a half grand. I must've overpayed them somehow, but I think my credit card account is still effective. They just didn't send me a new card I suppose. I tried calling their help, but it's as ineffectual as the rest of their services.

So, I opted to getting my ass to the nearest UnionBank, which is a good walk away from the office anyway. Thank heavens for the cool weather. At least that's that. My only apprehension now is that the status on my request is not yet updated online when I checked back at the office.

Oh well. At least I don't have to go to NSO. Btw, it says there we all total less than 85.2 million on our little homeland.

- Maroon 5

I’ve been the needle and the thread
Weaving figure eights and circles round your head
I try to laugh but cry instead
Patiently wait to hear the words you’ve never said

yeah, crazy, a bit crazy, that's what i am baby

Fumbling through your dresser door forgot what I was looking for
Try to guide me in the right direction
Making use of all this time
Keeping everything inside
Close my eyes and listen to you cry

hey, I'm still here. And I'll continue being a bit obnoxious :}

I’m lifting you up
I’m letting you down
I’m dancing til dawn
I’m fooling around
I’m not giving up
I’m making your love
This city’s made us crazy and we must get out

I wish I could get out of here. Wanna tell you that. Wishing you'll get out too. With me.

This not goodbye she said
It is just time for me to rest my head
She does not walk she runs instead
Down these jagged streets and into my bed

Crazy. All this crazy things in my head.

Fumbling through your dresser door forgot what I was looking for
Try to guide me in the right direction
Making use of all this time
Keeping everything inside
Close my eyes and listen to you cry

4:00 am still awake. Paralyzed.

I’m lifting you up
I’m letting you down
I’m dancing til dawn
I’m fooling around
I’m not giving up
I’m making your love
This city’s made us crazy and we must get out

There is this thing I wanna stop.

There’s only so much I can do for you
After all of the things you put me through

Yeah, stop caring.