I must admit, I am capable of intense hate.

Everybody knows harboring such is ultimately self-destructive, but let me digress -- it is a part of who I am. If it is taken away from me, I am no longer complete.

And to that, I hold a history of intense hate to a couple of people. One, whom once been a part of my world now lingers in my mind like gangrene. But that one is easy to set aside. And in my idle musings, I could even barely recall what really has transpired. Besides, nothing can change a whining loser no matter what kind of self-help books are out available there. I blame my own ignorance, but it was through a friend that I was able to discover a lot of things below my nose.

But the second, this one takes the cake. Once what is called respect has become the opposite, and even going farther than that. Oh, I can be civil, I can be professional, I can even crack a joke and even talk sense. But a fucker will always be a fucker. Never again will I let anyone feel bad about myself. Don't mistake my expressionless face for tolerance.

I am my own king. Treat me poorly and you'll pay dearly for doing so.

Don't get me wrong, they're not evil. Let's just say some turn of events just bring out the worst in me, something I'm surprised with myself even. I try to rise above it ofcourse. Like thinking, would I still feel ill about it ten, twenty years from now?

It's pathetic I know, but I try to study how I think as well.

It is rare, but there are times that I never forgive. Forget maybe, but never forgive. It's like you still have that emotion, but have lost the reason for it. I am no advocate of vengeance, perhaps it shows I still have a heart despite black moods.

So as not to destroy myself further, the first thing I do is walk away.

Hence, one of the reason I become a hermit.