Let's just say that for the past four years I have dated a total of 50 males in the Philippines with ages ranging from 18 to 35. And out of the 50, I only liked 5 of them. There is something terribly wrong.

I have had too much fun meeting with people that have been set up for me by my friends---they love to play the matchmaker. I sometimes had the suspicion, behind my back, they are making a dating service out of me. That date didn't work out, I have another one for you. It didn't work out again? In comes another one.

One friend even had the audacity to admit, "You're a good catch! You're smart, you never run out of stories, you're not too bad looking, and you're available. Here, let me introduce you to another friend of mine."

After four years in the dating game, I'm tired. I'm ready to give up. I will embrace single-blessedness anytime soon. Most men I meet are boring or too macho. They like me because they think I have an interesting life. Those who are interesting are not interested in me. Same old story.

How hard is it to find just one man?!

Para kang naghahanap ng karayom sa isang tumpok ng giniikan. Sa kaso ko, parang nasa gitna ng gubat na masukal yun karayom at mukhang naliligaw pa ako.

I don't need this. Kung tutuusin, di ko naman kelangan ng boyprend this year. Ilang beses ko na bang sinabi 'yan? But I still keep on hoping. Sabi ko nga this year, talagang stop na ko with dating. Sangkaterba naman ang dumadating. Sabi naman nila masama raw tumanggi sa grasya!

Buti na lang I've weeded out yun mga panggulo lang. Binura ko na yun lahat ng type kong naka-date ko pero di naman din tumawag ulit sa cellphone ko. Nagpalit na rin ako ng number para di na tumawag yun mga ayaw ko. In the process I remembered this guy who became a constant companion for three years, sabi ko friends lang kami but he wanted us to grow deeper pa raw since it has been three years.

Kinukulit ako. Bakit ba raw kasi I'm afraid to kiss him. Me? Afraid? O sige, matigil ka lang. Walang spark. Gusto ko lang talaga siyang kausap. Okay lang naman siyang kasama. Sabi ko friends na lang talaga, ayaw maniwala e.

I'm afraid of relationships daw. I'm afraid of commitments. Sigurado kaya siya sa sinasabi niya? Again. Huh?! Me? Afraid? I sound defensive daw, eh di ibigay ang luho. O sige, one telephone conversation I asked him, "Why don't we try na 'maging tayo'?"

Anong excuses niya bakit hindi raw kami pwedeng maging 'kami'?

1) I'm too much of a free-spirit daw. I need to be free. I'm a gypsy pa nga raw e. (He thinks he can read me, he knows me a lot daw eh.)

2) Hindi ko raw siya mahal.

3) He thinks I'm spending a lot of my time with him because he's convenient.

4) He's window-shopping and buying whereas I was window-shopping but has no intentions of buying. Besides, I need to be free daw and right at the moment (which was around August 2003) di ko raw naman kelangan ng boyfriend.

Parang lahat yata ng dahilan kung bakit di pwede kami ay dahil 'ako ay ako'. Pansin niyo? Parang lahat kasalanan ko?! He just cannot accept me for being me. But that's okay, me being a good sport I didn't take any of that personally. Actually nakalimutan ko na nga yun episode na yun and was back with my other activities such as, snorkelling and mountaineering.

Two months after that conversation, he calls me again. Nag-break daw sila ng girlfriend niya. And he just wants to talk to someone who understands him.

"Girlfriend? So gaano na kayo katagal nung girlfriend mo?"

"Two months na sana kaso she has these issues with me."

You then have this "AHA!" moment na "Kaya pala ayaw na akong maging girlfriend. May iba pala talagang sinisipat!"

Then you start thinking to yourself, "He lied to me." Well, to call it lying would be too harsh. He was just not being honest with me. Oh well, good think I found out we were not meant to be bago pa naging 'kami'.

Then he tells me the girl was breaking up with him because he was too much of a friend and she didn't want to lose him as her friend. Something of that sort. I thought, "Mahilig pala talaga siyang "tumalo" ng mga kinakaibigan niya."

Tangina! Convenient ka pala ha. Akala ko pa naman, we used to hang out together because he enjoyed my company. After that incident, I never bothered calling him or texting him. I didn't want him to think he was being convenient.

In one ym conversation he tells me, "I miss you."

I told him, "I know."

"Talaga?!"

"Yes. Everybody misses me nowadays. Kasi they tell me I'm good company," was all I said then had myself excused.

During a drinking spree, I accidentally told one of my male friends this story and he commented, "Alam mo anong tawag sa ganyang lalaki?"

"Ano?"

"Loser."

Much as I want my friends to stop setting me up on dates, I cannot help but love them when they make these comments. The world may be falling apart. My dates may be boring. Since my friends are not giving up on me, I have no choice but not to give up on me.

I already said stop it with the dates!! They just keep coming in droves. So I have no choice but to yell, "NEXT!"

As for the losers, let them drool.

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P.S. I just heard over my grapevine, loser guy still has the same old issues and is notoriously doing the same things he's done to me with a different woman. Better watch out!