The Terrible Writings of Quentin Montejo
Serial experiments on a fallen archangel who only wanted to regain just one wing back
Free of the World. Rain worshipper. Hermit. Tormented mind. Caged spirit. Defiant and eternal enemy of Destiny and Fate. Poet. Scientist. Artist. Daydreamer. He who laughs. Slacker. Sleeper. Romancer of wings and clouds. Fiercely independent. He who is ponderous. Games and anime junkie. Four eyes. Caveman. Nature-lover. He who doesn't think that hard. Non-smoker. Music-junkie. Counter of blessings. Guitar-hugger. He who simply wants what everybody else would like to be in this world and the next -- to be happy.
Monday, March 06, 2006
Sending Myself to the Sun
While the pictures are not yet in, these random, silly, nonsensical musings will do for now. Once I get them, this blog will load REAL slow.
Why are you here? on this earth?
I was a being up on the clouds. And when I gazed down upon the earth I ... fell in love with it. So I asked to be sent down and experience the most painful of mortal aches, and the most ecstatic of human emotions, both the ultimate price and the most coveted reward for being with a beloved.
So, why are you here?
Because my feet long for the earth. My eyes long for looking up to the sky. And my heart is left wanting.
Why are you here?
I am here because I am here. I am here to prove that I lived.
Then for that, you will no longer find heaven even if you look for it.
Done. You will never have your wings ever again. There is no redemption.
Came back from paradise.
The lights, the nights, the sunset, the sunrise, the music, my guitar, the dancing, the booze, the food, the beautiful, beautiful people.
If it was possible to breathe through my skin, I would have done so. I would've liked to take all of what my senses has seen, heard, and felt and make it a part of me.
Everything is the individual. The individual is everything.
It's only then I realized that the hardest person on me in this world was myself. I've never been good to myself nor was I ever forgiving. That is why I am a brooding individual, making pain last longer than it should have.
Oh, but that is another thing about me, isn't it? My mind has a bigger receptacle in holding pain than holding happiness. It's a blessing that I am given a mind that thinks too deeply often, but it's also a curse that I am not as receptive to knowing satisfaction when it is essentially there. I know the words to say what I need to, but deeply ingrained in me is that thing that makes it difficult for me ...
I am easy to please, but difficult to impress.
And upon seeing paradise, with a child-like anxiety I haven't felt in long time, I knew there is something "out there" for me that I don't need to look hard for.
Don't feel. Just allow.
If it was possible to drink music with my eyes, then I could have been drunk right there and then. The heavy scent of cologne in the air enhanced my already thought-laden mind with more questions and wanderings.
Paradise is a long walk from one place to another, enough distance to churn my mind while thinking. Perhaps in some destiny-shaping way, paradise was made for me.
The food in the place where we ate was divine. Humble but divine, unlike all those pricey restaurants at the beach front.
The warm-colored lanterns, the gentle noise of people and foreigners passing by to and fro, and the soft glow of the candle on our table was rightfully heralding a feast that really satisfied me, always making me go for second servings. And to give me a bit of euphoria afterwards, I have a bottle of Red Horse after each meal. Didn't know it was a good idea, so I'm remembering that. Gives me flushed cheeks too, which is always good for pictures.
Cocomanga has a unique setup. There's this huge basket-weave lantern above it that gives a warm, moth-attracting glow when lit up at night. And instead of the usual fare of acoustic performers, they have drum beats and indigenous instruments playing for a fire-breather.
Ah, but that wasn't the highlight of the night was it?
I wanted to fly.
Yeah, I want to be up there. I want to know what it is like to be above everything, and I mean everything.
And there I was. I saw the white beach of paradise from end to end. I saw the horizon. I saw how small big boats can be. I saw the colored lights beginning to ignite upon the call of sunset. I saw a million things.
And it made me dizzy, because of eyes that has too long been used for seeing things only a face away. The panorama of everything left me in awe, and at the same time, soothed my mind that's always being tortured.
If the balm for my mental pain is this, then I would never want to go down to earth again.
Then again, I've given up my wings to be with a beloved. I have already chosen to stay down there ...
I think the true bridge between heaven and earth, is ame, the rain.
What made it all so fitting on paradise was that we were singing Ulan. It was a funny affair that the charming ladies who graciously accepted our company were as song-hungry as we were. How I loved belting that song to the utmost.
Ofcourse, who was there to sing with wild abandon but me?
I followed it up with a lot of heart-mending songs I could muster without a songbook in hand with each instant I felt like blurting out a tune. The island hopping and the drinks at night wasn't at all boring as I thought it would be. Oh, how I would love to have serenaded and performed at one of those stage shows. I'll make it part of my dreams. Truly!
Still, everything was good. It was the life.
Definitely going back there. If things go real good, maybe twice more this year. I want to take the chance whenever I get.
Anything to justify that eerie, lingering feeling that this is the last year of my life.
For now, my other adventures await. Setting my mind to Palawan XD
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