You will never catch me red handed using the office throne room. NEVER (but yeah, I use it).

If other people can casually talk about it and gloat at how glorious the whole time they're in there (must be some load, hehe), to me, the entire ordeal is both sacred and covert.


When I have a need to, I would pick up my kikoy kit (roll of tissue paper, handkerchief tissue paper, alcogels, etc.) along with an inconspicuous water container. I use that as a backup if ever I still feel 'unclean'.

I would casually approach the sinks, wait for everyone to leave the room and then quickly fill the water container. If somebody comes in at the most opportune moment, I would pretend that I am rummaging something really tiny in my kikoy kit -- say counting the number of tuffs of cloth on my towel (sort of like counting the blades of grass on a hill).

Once the coast is clear, I hurry to the corner throne and there I prepare some cleaning rituals.

Because you know, some caveman pee on it while the toilet seat is down. Like today. And by God, that guy MUST be having some kidney problems because the pee stains actually crystallized into salt.

I clean the toilet seat off and then proceed with the launch of the USS Enterprise.

I also take precautions like pulling my shoes way back so that nobody can recognize it by looking down the cubicle door and grin at me when I come back at the workstations. Remember, this is a covert operation. Nobody must know I did it.

So far I have a healthy digestive system, thanks to my regular intake of dietary fiber (prunes, oats, etc.). That is so I wouldn't be compared to some Beelzebub stinking up the place.