It looks like work has finally caught up with me. I just got an assignment that will last for about two weeks. So, I'd like the opportunity to put a few breaths into this blog before I get busy.

*breath* *breath*

There, haha. Well seriously, I'll put some rehash blog entries from my previous blogs that are worthy of being well, rehashed. I'll look for more cheerful entries but these will do for now.

~~~

Monday, March 03, 2003 { notfrancis.blogspot.com }

- [3:23 PM] what a nice day for bloggies.

came back from a mountain trip from Gulugod Baboy the whole weekend (you call that a mountain? i think it's a shit depression) and had a marvelous time with just six of us drinking the gin away.

and the grandest thing over it all, was that i was able to accomplish a dream goal: to lie in a grassland underneath a blanket of stars. yeah. was listening to 'The Zephyr Song' by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers and i felt soooo complete. i've created a memory link to that specific event with that song. if there's some vanilla scent nearby and i would've been ready to die in peace that night.

my pack was kinda heavy since i was carrying my own tent and all. but that's ok, i didn't even smell bad afterwards. sanay ako sa hirap. ehehehehe. and the view at sunset was so cool. i missed the sunrise though, but the morning view was just as grand. even with our ascending climb, the sea looked like blue sand stretching up to the horizon.

was able to see the Sombrero island as well, which looked like a Charlie Chaplin's hat without the brim. on second thought, it looked more like a humongous dark green button sitting upon the fabric of the sea.

"fly away on my -zephyr-
let's leave this road together
and in this perfect weather
we'll find our place together
fly
on
my
wings ..."

~~~

February 29, 2004 { stainedglasswindows.blogspot.com archive for melo blog }

time for some melodrama. got a little worked up with some post-valentine ad o_o

i have been a substitute boyfriend (i am talking to my one-year old niece, sort of venting out my thoughts). yeah, i think that happens to a better part of the male population. you know, get to hang out with a single gal pal and do stuff like movies and dinner (oh my, it's like dating) and stuff. be someone she could gripe about something, be the person to hear it first when she gets excited about stuff. to almost any guy, that's just like, cool. it feels good. the need for being needed fulfilled. but it ends there. when some guy (suitor or ex or otherwise) comes up, you get the special role of hearing all about it -- her leaving you.

now how does that feel? horrible ofcourse. because no matter how neatly you arrange your emotions up that brain, when you allow someone to be close to your heart, even for a little bit, it's going to hurt. the sensation ranges from the likes of an ant bite, to an acupuncture needle that went too deep for comfort.

so, on the first opportunity, make it real or make things clear. don't bullshit each other. don't let the good sensations you get out of it take the place of genuinely falling in love. there's no replacement for the real thing. this world has seen too many broken hearts already -- divorces, single parenthood, etc. better get that act together. genuinely falling in love means, getting ready to get hurt and still be strong about it. simply because you feel you are all out for this person in the long run, even if it's not a path of roses. there's nothing more beautiful than a couple who have gone through a lot and still find themselves smiling at the end of the day.

if the answer to your question, "why are we doing this? (relationship without commitment)" is "because it felt good", then it's tragedy waiting to happen. we may or may not be conscious about it. and it may even take a few good tries before we even finally wise up. the important thing is to make it a learning experience and admit that we'll still get hurt even after learning (sometimes people need to be reminded, i'm no exception o_o).

ofcourse, since my niece doesn't understand any word i say, that makes her a good listener :D alright, time to call your mom little lady