I think these are the times I still want to be dead drunk.

Anything to abort a mental routine that starts up in my brain whenever I couldn't release it the right way. It's analogous to a worm in your PC, I have this program in my head that executes if I'm not preoccupied enough.

What it does is put me into a self-destructive state. I've tried diagnosing it once before, but I'm not shrink. So behold, emo-ness incarnate!

Sometimes I wonder why I keep on going even though the things my heart desires most never comes to pass. Maybe I'm hopeful. Maybe I am stubborn. Maybe all I know is to endure. Maybe I just want to see what the end is like *shrugs* I wish I could always be that happy go lucky

You know the feeling of being too old for something that's bad for you? Like you know, puffing your first cigarette when you're like 50? Yeah, that feeling.

I'm enduring one now for the past months. Thinking of a way to divert this dull energy into something useful. All the cooking and baking stuff was one. But I need something fresh.