I'm in constant assault by my demons.

That has been the case for years. Yet lately, there emerged a thought ... it's placid and calm and in a way, has been able to give me peace of mind. And these demons are attacking that thought right now .

Christmas is over. The new year is about to begin.

Yet here I am still plagued by it all. Good news? I wish there was.

I usually write a lot during the month of December. Looks like this year, it won't be the case. I'm writing in too ambiguous a way simply because I was itching to write it, but not exactly give away what I mean.

It's a sign of fear ;)

This afternoon I was rummaging through my clothes.

I plan to bring home all the old clothes I have. Clothes I won't plan on using anymore even though they're still serviceable.

Heh. There's a funny ring to that 'bring home'.

When I last saw mom, I told her that place is no longer my home. I live here now. Albeit still temporary because I just rent a bedspace. Next year hopefully a new place to stay will show itself.

Still, I think I'm a little early in preparing for a clean up. Yeah, there's a strange ring to that too. I've been wearing these clothes for the past 5 or so years. Now that I have lotsa new stuff, I don't have reason to keep these anymore. But as things go, I don't want baggage.

Hmm. I still have one last baggage to attend to before I end this year. I guess there's no helping it now. Might as well get over it and move on quickly. Still, I have at least about half a year to stay here.

If I blow it now, I dunno what'll I do for next six months.

Relax Quentin. It's not the end of the world. Just do whatcha hafta do. If it's lost then so what? You've been here, you've always been here. And you will still be here even if they all have gone away. For the most part, you really can't lose anything.

Right.

Yeap, my head is at it again.

But unlike the past years, this time it's only between two avatars.

~~~

Next year ... next year I actually have a goal.

I want to be a photographer.

But I am not going to limit myself to a specialization. I want to capture everything. Scenery, portrait, drama ... everything.

The world is one big canvass!

It was a rainy night.

And well, I'm a stubborn guy. I pulled you under the umbrella because I didn't want you to get wet. My left shoulder got soaked though. But that's just fine.

I love the rain. Happy Christmas.

I guess my deal about dying needs a bit of expounding.

Skipping all the sob stories I have during my childhood, I have always been exposed to a healthy dose of real life morbidity (ooh, the irony) that it's a normal thing for me to talk about actually. So people wouldn't really know if I am just kidding or serious when it comes to topics like that.

My nihilistic persona is having a field day when I blog about death and dying. I mean like, we're all gonna die anyway, so why bother living? Do we live just so we can die?

Ofcourse, a complex person as I am, I have personas that completely negate that. Like this one who just shrugs and says, "Wanna die? Do it yourself. Looks like a coward's way out to me."

Anyway, it's the holidays and most people would be gushing about the season greetings stuff. I'm not a grump, a bit emo maybe, but definitely not a gloomy person. There are things that I just forget I have and should be thankful about.

Right now, I have everything I need in life and even most of what I want. Next year is definitely bright for me. Lots of things to do and seize the day for. Maybe later next year I could finally get off and have the adventure of a lifetime. Who knows?

(Yes Larry, you can have my camera if I do kick the bucket. You have to pry it off my cold, claw-like hands though)

Aight, I'm almost done rehauling my wardrobe.

As expected, I am met with ridicule and humiliation at the office ;) But I'm pretty sure they'll get over it.

Yes ladies and gentlemen. I've discarded my hermitty style to molt into some good stuff. I wear vests and blazers, got some new leather shoes and slacks. Won't overdo it ofcourse.

Need to put some sanity in there.

I've gone shopping in Lineo Italia, Onesimus, G2000, Marks&Spencer, as well as some cheaper (yet still decent) fare like Bossini, Bench, etc. Good clothes usually cost more, but they fit well. Also, since I don't launder my heavy clothes anymore, I no longer have a reason to whine about too much laundry.

That doesn't change the fact that I'm dying. Mm. It's a good change in perspective, knowing you don't have that much time to live eh?

It's official, I'm dying.

Apparently, I wasn't able to go to the TTNL because of a doctor visit. Sigh. Sorry guys, really am.

~~~

I got another close call. Whew.

I think I'm careful about myself this time around. So far I have taken about four risks. Sequentially ofcourse. All of them no good. This one well ... it's really no different.

You can already see things a mile away. I can see it as well, but I just don't pay heed to the warnings. The one before this one, at least things ended nicely, but I had to swallow my pride -- big time.

And again the last one ... damn. I was able to stop hitting myself on the head before I get brain damage. So anyway, it looks like I'm putting it in a sleep phase. Let it go gently and slowly.

Kase nga naman, I really get worked up about things that I ignore what I should do. I make up these plans in my head on how things will go. I get disappointed that way. I had to pull up several of my personas for a good fight meeting.

Mr. One-Track-Mind is a really terrible persona to deal with. It takes about Mr. Asshole, Mr. Pragmatist, and Mr. Cool to bring him down. Yeah, all three alignments.

But damn ... it's not easy. And I don't know if I should cherish this victory with pride.

I had my chance. Look away.

~~~

I've watched Avatar: The Legend of Aang Book III, and might I say, I continue to enjoy this cartoon.

No again, you can't say it's anime because it's not Japanese-made, but hell, it's better than most animes I know (and most other story cartoons I know as well).

Here you can see the cast actually evolve (into angsty teens nonetheless, with issues to resolve). And I find that really cool. Add the fact that the dialogues aren't artificial and too drawn out -- teens can actually relate.

Anyway, one would notice Aang grew some hair :D

The story is up until Chapter 10 though, still hanging in my seat ;)

~~~

In relation to the "last one" ...

Man, it caused me not to listen to any good song :( I need to enjoy something else.

Maybe a visit to my level 133 Int Archer, Bloodbite :)

I think I found peace ...

I think I can see myself where I'll be for the rest of my life
Isn't that great? Isn't it cool?
Finally a direction

I'll have days of clear skies
Some days cold rain will fall, but that's just fine
Because I'll move

And I'll be quietly happy somewhere
Gazing at this good life
Some days I'll hear piano playing

I can see me painting oil on canvas
Taking pictures of the mundane and the grandiose
I can see me surfing waves

I think I can be quietly happy somewhere
Some days cold rain will fall, but that's just fine ...
Because life is great, life is good :)

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard


No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart,
our dreams, and they are made out of real things


like a shoebox of photographs
with sepia-toned loving


Love is the answer
at least for most of the questions in my heart, like
Why are we here? And where do we go?


And how come it's so hard?
It's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving



I'll tell you one thing, it's always better when we're together



Mmmm, It's always better when we're together
Yeah we'll look at the stars and we're together



And all of these moments
just might find their way into my dreams tonight,



But I know that they’ll be gone
when the morning light sings
and brings new things



for tomorrow night you see
that they’ll be gone too,
too many things I have to do



But if all of these dreams might find their way
into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
i was somewhere in between



With only two,
Just me and you,
Not so many things we got to do
or places we got to be



We'll sit beneath the mango tree, now,



Yeah It's always better when we're together
Mmmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, so much better when we're together



I believe in memories
they look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now, and when I wake up,
you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time,



There is no, no song I could sing
and there is no combination of words I could say
but I will still tell you one thing
We're Better together


- song by Jack Johnson ^^

Yeah, last week is the busiest ever.

Have to take a breather.

*Wee - haww*

Okay, maybe not in a donkey kind of way.

It's been a year. Man, has it been that long?

Anyway, here are the test pics I shot with Alexander:


I dunno what building this is. But the view is just outside our balcony. Pretty cool huh? I couldn't focus on the building though, but the electric post on the front ...


Still another failure at proper lighting: Beauty products my roommate uses. Sheesh, the only product I use is a deodorant.


Windows Movie Maker in Vista, on my notebook. Yes, my notebook has a name too :o


Here's an officemate who was helping me create for this Friday's party video :o