Yeah, it just feels like that.

This June, I'll officially start preparing for my exile. No, exile is too negative a word. I must not stay here. I can't. I just can't.

If there are people afraid of change, I am the reverse. I am afraid of NOTHING changing.

I need adventure. I must look for something to excite my numbed senses. Because frankly, I think I came to a point that nothing really surprises me.


And there's a thing that troubles me. Well not really, but an itch I couldn't scratch.

I don't miss anyone. Is that a bad thing? Does that mean that I don't give a damn to people who give a damn about me?

Am I a jerk? (Well yeah, I still remain as one in a way)

The complacent side of me says not to worry. It's okay. It's normal. It just so happen that, I just don't. I cannot choose what I feel, that's what I always say. It's not a fault, but a part of my character.

Anyway, enough of the melodrama. Oh wait, there's more.


There's also the thing that a friend told me once.

That I wanted a complete reboot. New place, new stuff, new everything. I never was satisfied with my life here.

I've achieved a lot than the average Juan. But, I only had temporary things. Correction, I don't have much love for anything. Tried to meet new people, make new friends. Yet in the end, they just trickle like water in a sieve. I don't have a place I can call home anymore. I just couldn't belong anywhere. And worse, I don't mind losing what I have.

Like Guts in Berserk, I felt like I was born outside of fate.

Cuckoo. What am I talking about?


I know what I lack. It's there but I don't mention it. Like a dyslexic trying to grasp a new lesson, I fumble trying to achieve it.

And now that my deadline to get it is over, I have to move on without it.

Interestingly enough, I'm too proud to claim it's caused by my stupidity about the matter.

Let it go.

I'm trying to sink that into my thick skull.

I need to rearrange my priorities. I don't want to do those things for that anymore. I'm not a good sport. Happens that I'm also a sore loser.


Now you may ask, where's that optimistic, life-loving pansy side of me went?

Oh, he's on vacation.

Right now, only the mean side of me is here. Typing. Angrily. I'm writing words here that's the stuff of great books. Woo! Right.

Unfortunately, I choose the people who'll listen to me, just so I can have their sympathy. Yeah, I'm that pathetic. Well, better admit that than a thousand other blogs that scream with coying hypocrisy that sounds like:

Look at my blog! I'm an attention whore!

Then again, I'm not simple. I'm no one-celled microorganism that lurks underneath the sink.

I laugh whenever people describe themselves with that word whenever I come across those website ads for dating that seem to infest every which website. YOU ARE NOT SIMPLE YOU DIMWIT. You're a human capable with more than 4 terabyte storage in your brain! Unless you threw a gene away ofcourse, and babble with a drooling face >:o (no offense to the afflicted)


Aight. Time to wander.