*having rock band dreams ... singing ...*

Last night I was snooping at my Friendster account and found three of the people I dated on top of the bulletin boards. Friendster itself bore me, just a nexus to connect to people I know. But add to that fact, I like to keep friends who are indeed, friends.

The stars will cry
The blackest tears tonight

First on the list is someone I've helped canvass a laptop in Greenhills. She's a sweet person, I was awed by the fact she knows how to argue, even with someone up above her league. Not the bitch-type, rant argue, but something that actually made sense. It stemmed from the fact that she likes philosophy (which I only skim at the surface) and pyschology (Freud is gay).

And this is the moment that I live for
I can smell the ocean air

I guess I was too slow for her and she told me I'm dense, yet she went on with me >_< When my head began aching for thinking what she's thinking, we came to a nasty conclusion -- she was dating two other guys >_< She did say she was sorry, and she couldn't explain to herself why she couldn't be honest with me. Was I played? Who knows ...

And here I am
Pouring my heart onto these rooftops

For a time I tried to save our friendship, but she's adamant about how bad she felt. I never cared much for that, for I understood that she's only disillusioned with the jerks she had for men and still continue hounding her. But I guess there are somethings I have no power to mend, no matter how hard I knock on her door.

Just a ghost to the world
That's exactly...
Exactly what I need

The second one was seraphim -- my beloved ex. She was the one who saved me from the Dark Ages of my life. God knows how much I'll rot in hell for breaking her heart for wanting to end the relationship. I was happy for her when she found someone who made her whole again after me. She was as firey as she was headstrong, traits that would've repelled 80~90% of the male population. Many a times I felt that talking to her was a harrowing experience, always having her guard up and ready to defend herself from an attack >_< probably because of her line of work, having to rub with all those politicos and those law suits aiming for your ass.

From up here the city lights burn
Like a thousand miles of fire

Yet fire is as burning as it is warming. There never was a time I felt unloved, and she was proof that it doesn't have to be complicated. That it can be clear as simple "yes" or "no". On her blog though she mentioned that she felt I was the most difficult to reach emotionally, and that I was out there looking afar dreaming of a fantasy girlfriend. Little does she know I was more like dreaming of Final Fantasy -- something I don't think she can relate herself with >_< darn

And I'm here to sing this anthem
Of our dying day

I smiled a bit when she mentioned in her blog that even though I decided to go away, she couldn't find in herself to be mad at me. I wish for her to understand that it was something I had to do for myself. And whatever else of a reason I had then, all is forgotten now.

For a second I wish the tide
Would swallow every inch of this city

The third? Let's just say it was an unfortunate thing that all the wisdom (instead of pa-cute gimmicks) I learned I tried on her. Effect? She got overwhelmed >_< Having two mental giants as track records, I should've toned myself down a bit. Her funny post at the bulletins would have her going again with that vicious cycle she seems to feel no pain for. I guess she's too fearless to ever see anything beyond today.

As you gasp for air tonight
I'd scream this song right in your face

~~~

So here I am, sitting. It's unfortunate that I played this game way too late. I still have a lot to learn. The only thing I can trust in now, is that my heart will still pull through even with the stitches and the fresh wounds.

Are you still out there? Or have I met you already? Or you're already here with me?

If you were here
I swear I won't miss a beat
Cause I never
Never have before