Tonight I just blew it. A chance to really get to be with someone I like and it got away. The funny part is, this is the first time it happened to me. It just so happens that when you're with other people and they say things, it suggests to your mind what to say and think you know? Sort of like mob mentality if you know such a phrase.

I was falling for her, but my mind is telling me to wait, examine, and see.

The good thing about this, is that I was able to test my maturity. I think I fared pretty well. I'm still a bit analyzing what my state of mind was, and how I'll be able to react to it on a similar situation.

Still, this one is hard for me. I was prepared for a lot of things. Just not at this stage where things are just starting and could possibly be the start of a good thing. I take only calculated risks. Perhaps I miscalculated this time.

Then again, I'm just human. I make mistakes, I get hurt at the things I do myself, but the point is, there's a lesson learned.

Add to mine heart that was breaking, there's a matter with my family that breaks my heart as well. Sometimes you know, you just become tired always trying to be strong for everybody else -- and there's none on my side to be strong for me.