The past few feeks found me perusing through how-to-do business books and the like. You see, I never have ANY background with doing business, not even buy and sell. Heck, I am financially blind. What I do know since childhood is not to spend on something you can live without. But ofcourse, exceptions abound, even back then I'd spend all my savings on renting Game&Watch during the barrio fiestas. My wants are very few but given the resources would gladly spill big bucks for it.

After reading through a book entitled 'Think Rich, Pinoy' by Daniel Gamboa (?), I calculated my monthly expenses and to my horror, it reached around Php 8,800. All the while I would've thought I only spend about three or four grand or so. The book is nice, neatly packaged, and the author does seem to convey the general idea behind making money go round and round and back to you regardless of what business you're in. The problem is, his primary example is too much of his own business: real estate. Which I think somehow alienates readers who are not into his mindset.

Now what does this all have to do with me? I'm beginning to get tired of the rat race, aside from the fact that I'm the entry who's just walking on the tracks. I've been raised to an environment that only says "Study hard, get a job, go somewhere". After college and about seven years in IT, that has been exactly the case. I've experienced being in the office for thirty hours straight (yes, you all may cover your noses) trying to beat deadlines, worked with assholes, and have been through all sorts of stress and despair. But at the end of the day, I don't feel enough fulfillment other than the fact that several people look up to me in the office.

Maybe it's all because I'm still fuzzy about what I should want. Maybe I'm just happy simply because I'm alive and employed. And it's these times when I ask, "Wonder what happened along the way that I don't dream as much today as I did twenty years ago"?

Why did I stopped dreaming?

I've always wanted these things on my back:



hence my frustration:

Lately I have been e-mailing my bestfriend, and as usual, we're exchanging banters, being generally our obnoxious selves, she talking about some dirty old man at the office, and me with my usual drama that someday I'll die cold and alone in a gloomy hut on top of a hill, with no warmth and no one loving me.

I usually get a kick out of those lines. And after that, she'd ask me, "So how's your love life"? I was half-expecting that she'd list the women I became enamored with and those that I have ... well ... relations with but this time, both of us know that it's time for some new stories -- of which there are none. I was supposed to tell her that there's more than a couple of new pretty faces at the office, one of them I codenamed 'Britney Spears' because she's britney-pretty and has style too, and there's one that I've accidentally sent an e-mail to (style ko bulok). Unfortunately, the latter has been avoiding me like the plague ever since because I might have come out as a stalker. Which is true in a way hehehe (looked her up at the employees database hehehehe).

Still, I haven't told her these things, because I just might excite her for nothing. I would have told her what I have told my friends -- that my mind is not into it right now. And that's just the funny thing about it all. I am never the black-and-white thinker, always in the gray. Which means, it is true that I'm not thinking about it, but it also means that I am also thinking about it (then again by law of logic, it means I am thinking about it regardless).

Perhaps of all people, she's the only one I truly allow to patronize me and scold me for the things I did and still doing. Ahh, let's drink to that.

This is the logo of my first personal website, when blogs weren't born yet. It was made way back in the 8th of October 1999. It was last updated 2002 :}



You can take a peek at it here.

Just took a personality quiz. Check this out.


Take The quiz yourself

- Saliva

INTRO : Bm G Bm G A (2x)

Bm G
All I ever wanted
D
Was to be at your service
A
But now I'm alone
Bm
Cause you were here and you're gone
G
And all I ever wanted
F#m
Was to feel I had a purpose
G
But now that's all gone


CHORUS :
But if you could give me
Em C
Just one love just one life
Bm A
Just one chance to believe in mine
Em C
Just one love just one life
D
You'd bleed for me
A
And I didn't dare to notice you
Bm G
Now I'm stuck out on a line.
D
Bleed for me
A
I didn't care to be with you
Em G
Now you're stuck in my mind


Bm G Bm G A


Bm G
All I ever wanted
D
Was to be what you needed
A
Cause something so strong
Bm
It could never be wrong.
G
And all I can promise
F#m
Is to say what I'm feeling
G
We've made it so long

REPEAT CHORUS :

A Bm G (2x)
Em G
Just one love in my life . . .
D
You'd bleed for me
A
And I didn't dare to notice you
Bm G
Now I'm stuck out on a line.
D
Bleed for me
A
I didn't care to be with you
Em G
Now you're stuck in my mind
Bm
Bleed for me, oh won't you
G
Bleed for me, oh won't you
Em G
Just one love in my life

Yesterday, I went 'home' to visit my mom. As some of my friends know, my mom is living separately from my dad. I decided to dump a few posessions of mine -- Dragonlance books, Dragon magazines (for the medieval fantasy geek), and two pairs of old shoes. Also, I needed to retrieve my guitar, which I almost kissed upon getting my hands on it.

I'm there for one other reason. I'd like to start giving my family, cousins and nephews, some employment opportunities. I'm an acceptably well-off guy, for someone in a rat race (wouldn't want to be in it for too long though). I'd like for them to realize that going abroad is not the only answer for a great life.

It's right here, the country where we were all born. There is still much opportunity here, and I'd like for people to stop thinking that this is a poor country. If there's a chance of making a difference, then is it not a risk worth taking?

I just want them all to be together. As it used to be.

Today, I feel for an officemate who is lamenting on the project he's in. Turns out, he's under the person I fucking hate the most.

Don't worry bro, I'll help you anyway I can.

As some of my friends know, I rant a lot about my laundry. Which is a zen way of letting out my frustrations on other things that I can't find words to express. So what will it be now?

Well you see, I'm not exactly well versed in the arts of cloth-scrubbing, as the medieval people must've had some technique not passed down to the contemporary cave man like me. I detest owning clothes that are purely white. Or at least patches of it is white. Why, you say? Heck, not only do stains just defile the whole fabric, but because what was once white when I got it, will forever be off-white after a few trips to the sud bucket. There's also the matter of a few articles of clothing that won't absolve their bizarre scent appeal (a couple, which are my favorites, still have in them the linger of my old Joop perfume, to think that was years ago!). See my dilemma?

I don't think there's any washing machine out there that can truly remove what needs to be purged. Unless ofcourse, if there's a supply of industrial strength detergent to go with it out there I could use. But idealism is best left to those who don't wash their own laundry. So the occasionally meticulous monster in me literally took matters into my own hands.

Yet, no matter how much love I put into the endeavor, futility seems to be the only existing word after each session. I could do this each time, but how long would my forbearance hold? Ack! Que horror.

I now leave you while my sanity is intact. Adieu.

This has been a thought I've always wanted to write. Lately, I've noticed a lot of them coming here to learn English or whatnot. For one, I find their presence interesting.

One reason is that, historically, we have no record of enmity with the Koreans. Unlike, say, the Chinese who're stereotyped with their affinity for money, or the Japanese, given the fact that no one will ever forget their role in WWII. The Thais? Malaysians? Indonesians? I couldn't think of any visually significant interaction with them ever. They're more like quiet neighbors whom you nod your head with whenever you pass by them on the street.

So naturally, we have this air of neutral friendliness towards with the Koreans.

Last night, I've watched one of those cutely-themed Korean movies (a love story, I reckoned beforehand). Had me laughing on the first half, kind of lame and cheesy at the end as expected. Made me think, that in a way, we have more in common with them than any other Asian.

I remembered back in 2001 in California. Made friends with a Korean (though American-born) during my Safeway stint, and I might say, we became good buddies. One time we even went to this hiphop congregation, sort of a benefit session (forgot what it's for). I admit, I never told him my musical inclination is alternative :}

A few weeks after I came back here, was a bit surprised when he gave a call to the office phone. The damn beast is here for a vacation. It was not a bit of a surprise because he always wanted to travel, and since most of his company buds are pinoys as well, it's not an impossibility. I couldn't forget an officemate's look on her face when she heard me speaking English with a slang *tee hee* again, I admit I still have a few slip ups here and there.

So when he came over, I couldn't think of a place to bring him anywhere but Glorietta. There we were, chatting about the times, while he was trying to pick up a chic by the bar (me, chuckling my ass off). The beast was a whiskey lover (never had a taste for anything else other than tequila) and well, I could say he can hold up quite well.

What then does all of this add up to. Just one. I'd like to see Korea someday.

Just wanted to post a pic of me. Because I love me. It's been roughly twenty years between pics. Would people believe the only high school picture I have of me is my ID pic? Sad ain't it? Add the fact that my shots of my college graduation was botched by an idiotic photo center. Now I have this lingering indifference to pictures. Crappola.



And the guys.



Don't want to put my whole face ofcourse. My ugly mug is already displayed at the side.

Peace out.

- Imago

Intro(Guitar 1)
e|--------------------------|
B|--------------------------|
G|--------------------------|
D|--7--6--4--6--7-----------|
A|--7--7--4--6--7-----------|
E|--5--4--2--4--5-----------|

(Guitar 2/Fill lead)
e|--10p9--------------------|
B|-------9-10p9-9-10p9------|
G|--------------------------| x12
D|--------------------------|
A|--------------------------|
E|--------------------------|

Verse 1
e|-------------------------------|
B|-------------------------------|
G|-----------7------------7--9---|
D|--7--6--4--7---7--6--4--7--9---|
A|--7--7--4--5---7--7--4--5--7---|
E|--5--4--2------5--4--2---------|

Chorus
e|--------------------|
B|--------------------|
G|--------7-----------| x2
D|--7--4--7--7--------|
A|--7--4--5--7--------|
E|--5--2-----5--------|

Verse 2
e|-------------------------------|
B|-------------------------------|
G|-----------7------------7--9---|
D|--7--6--4--7---7--6--4--7--9---|
A|--7--7--4--5---7--7--4--5--7---|
E|--5--4--2------5--4--2---------|

Chorus
e|--------------------|
B|--------------------|
G|--------7-----------| x2
D|--7--4--7--7--------|
A|--7--4--5--7--------|
E|--5--2-----5--------|

Bridge
e|------------------|
B|------------------|
G|--9-----9---------| x4
D|--9--7--9--7------|
A|--7--7--7--7------|
E|-----5-----5------|

Chorus
e|--------------------|
B|--------------------|
G|--------7-----------| x2
D|--7--4--7--7--------|
A|--7--4--5--7--------|
E|--5--2-----5--------|

Outro 1
e|--------------------------------------------|
B|--------------------------------------------|
G|--------------------------------------------|
D|--7-----5/9—-9-----9/11--7-----7/14--14-----|
A|--x-x4--x/x—-x-x2—-x/x---x-x2—-x/x---x---x2-|
E|--5-----7/7—-7-----7/9---9-----9/12--12-----|
Repeat both x2

e|-------------------------------------|
B|-------------------------------------|
G|-------------------------------------|
D|--4-----4/7—-7-----7\4--4-----9---11-|
A|--x-x4--x/x—-x-x2—-x\x--x-x4--x---x--|
E|--2-----2/5—-5-----5\2--2-----7---9--|

|-----------------------------------|
|-----------------------------------|
|-----------------------------------|
|-12------14-----16------7------7~--|
|-x—-x4---x—x4---x—-x4---x—-x4—-x~--|
|-10------12-----14------17-----5~--|

Outro 2
e|-----------------------------------|
B|-----------------------------------|
G|-----------------------------------|
D|-7----xx—-7----7/4—-4-----xx--4----|
A|-x-x4-xx—-x-x4-x/x—-x-x4—-xx--x-x3-|
E|-5----xx—-5----5/2—-2-----xx--2----|

|---------------------------------------|
|---------------------------------------|
|---------------------------------------|
|-9--11--12-----xx--12----14--12--11--7~|
|-x--x---x—-x4--xx--x—x4--x—--x—-—x---7~|
|-7--9---10-----xx--10----12--10--9---5~|

Lyrics: ()

Chords
e|--0-------2---2--|
B|--2-------2---3--|
G|--2---1---2---2--|
D|--2---2---4------|
A|--0---2---4------|
E|------0---2------|
A E F#m D

Verse 1
A
Nagtatanong...
E F#m D
Bakit mahirap sumabay sa agos ng iyong ulo?
A
Nagtataka...
E F#m D E
Simple lang naman sana ang buhay, ba't ika'y lumingon?

Chorus
A F#m D
Sabihin sakin lahat ng lihim mo
D-
Iingatan ko
A F#m D
Ibaling sakin ang problema mo
D- A
Kakayanin ko...

Verse 2 (Ulit lang ang chords)
Pikit mata...
Kung iaalay, buwan at araw
Pati pa sapatos kong suot

Verse 3
Nagtatanong..
Simple lang naman sana ang buhay
Kung ika'y lumayo

Repeat Chorus x1

Bridge
E A
Sasamahan ka sa tamis
E A
Sasamahan ka sa dilim
E A
Sasamahan ka hanggang langit
E A
Sasamahan ka sa tamis
E A
Sasamahan ka sa pait
E A
Sasamahan ka sa dilim
E A
Sasamahan ka hanggang langit
E A
Sasamahan ka...
E A
Oohhh...oohhh...
E A
Oooohhh...oohhh...
E A
Oohhohh....

Repeat Chorus
Outro

Just this moment, I've noticed that I have a lot of prominent looking metallic items on my desk: two metallic balls (the ones Chinese play with their hands to prevent athritis -- oh, it's not mine hehe), my metallic water mug, and my spoon and fork.

It just reminds me that I value stability above luxury.

"I am, right next to real
I am, right next to real"

I was playing Hale's song Broken Sonnet, and I couldn't quite discern what the vocalist was trying to utter. So there, it came out as "I am, right next to real". It made me go, "Uhm. If it's not his nasal condition affecting his voice, then this could be a good poetic line".

--

Oh well. I'm here at the office, trying to work at 8:00 pm. I came in real late, a few minutes before 2 pm, so that makes me quite a pasaway. Somehow I wish my team leader would give me a gentle scolding. No really, I'd like to be disciplined every now and then. I mean heck, I wouldn't want to grow fat (ok, not literally, since I have the metabolism of a shrew) and horny (word used in the context of having horns) because of people around me being too nice.

I don't think I'm that nice. Online, it is a safe guess that several people are intimidated by the way I speak. It is an unfortunate fact that I'm there to tell you what I see, and not coddle you with things you just want to hear.

--

I miss my guitar. The last time I played it was about two weeks ago during a wedding gig with CH2. I left it in my mom's place to cheer her up a little. I need to get it back :(

"Sabihin sa kin
Lahat ng lihim mo
Iingatan ko
Ibaling sa kin
Ang lahat ng problema mo
Kakayanin ko"
- Imago, Akap

Love this song. I have a thing with bands having a female front vox. And another with women of power. To me, they're really sexy.

"Nakita ko nang lahat dito
Pinahihiwatig ng mata mo
Salamat na lamang sa yo"
- Mojofly, Mata

Kamusta na. Nandiyan ka pa ba?
Nandiyan pa ba? Mga alala?
Ang tanging bagay na tanging naiwan sa ting dalawa.

Here's to the violin playing in the music that are your lives. Peace out. Quentin signing off.

Got this pic from Marge. It sort of triggered some subconscious image of me and her.



"But time makes you get bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too"

Yeah. I'll get there someday. Yes indeed.

Last Saturday I drunk myself silly with the tequila I've donated. It was funny because while I was in a state of euphoria, four (or five? or six? who knows?) of my friends are in a state of despair (oh love, what bittersweet syrup you are) ... or whatever state they are in, alternating between laughing and crying.

Even when drunk, I could still think *almost* straight. And if the alcohol haven't numbed my sense of hearing, I would've recalled what happened the whole night -- ofcourse excluding the time when I slumped on the bed with wet pants on (no, not with my pee you dumb fool).

I don't know if I'm better than the lot of them. Better be drunk with alcohol than be drunk on someone I guess. Hangovers of the former type only last for about a day. Unlike betting your heart on some scum or some jerkette and expect things to turn out ok. And even if it didn't, still be stubborn that there's hope. Oh how long can we stretch that hope -_- the thing must be made of industrial-strength bubble gum.

Hours before that, I texted my mom, see how she's doing. She replied asking when she'll have a grandchild from me, something of a wish on her part. I told her, she'll have one before she turns sixty. Which is ofcourse, less than a couple of years from now. She replied something like, "Promise?".

That's mom for ye. I didn't reply back.

I still love being free, almost addicted to it. I'm quite jealous of my time. That's why I find it ironic that my friends would tag me as some sort of boyfriend material. Because that just can't be true.

At least, not right now.

Not letting go
Is embracing you from behind
I'll be the one sprouting wings
The one who'll carry you
While you see
The world from above
A price to pay
For my wings
For my blinded eyes

I cannot let you go
Because I cannot let you fall

I think I want to learn how to play the violin.